Ugh my stomach is so achy today. I feel as though I just had a binge but I haven't, I'm just super bloated and my jeans are Very tight. :( Hopefully this will pass quickly.

Originally Posted by nostoneunturned:
Ugh my stomach is so achy today. I feel as though I just had a binge but I haven't, I'm just super bloated and my jeans are Very tight. :( Hopefully this will pass quickly.

Don't let Lady Bloat (as I call it) get you down. It's just a wonderful part of being a woman. It will pass! :)

Originally Posted by :
Don't let Lady Bloat (as I call it) get you down. It's just a wonderful part of being a woman. It will pass!

Urghgh LOL It's just so frustrating!! I know my pants should not be tight like this, really. I am not overeating AT ALL. In fact I am eating better than I have in a really long time. I know I'm being extra grumpy and feeling entitled today :).

Despite this I still have managed to not stray. One weird thing I find helps keep me in line is staying away from celeb gossip or news. See I have a horrible secret compulsion to read trashy gossip rags. BUt pictures of thin, glamorous stars does a bad number to me that I never recognized until recently. So I've forced myself to take a break and I actually do feel better, maybe I'm not comparing myself to others as much? It's surprising how much glossy often airbrushed photos of women who are probably underweight can affect the way we feel about ourselves and how we think we should look versus reality. I also want to keep my daughter away from these images because I really think they twisted my idea as a preteen/teen of what it means to look beautiful and be a worthy person (even though looks should not at all correlate to self-worth.. it's strange how media can tie the two so tightly together).

Today I had a dreaded quiz and it went well! Afterwards I left campus to run errands and for lunch because I don't like the microwaves (they are old and take twice as long to cook things). Plus...I just felt like having something special, nothing obscene, so I went to Dairy Queen and had the lunch special: $5 for cheeseburger, fries, drink and sundae. I ate half the sundae and had a diet drink, and though the burger and fries aren't low cal it wasn't something that made me feel overstuffed or horrible. Actually I rather enjoyed it :)

For dinner I did kind of...Ok, I want to say bad, but that's not the right word! It wasn't the best choice. I was a tiny bit hungry for something very specific (garlic breadsticks) so my daughter and I got an order from a local place. SHe LOVES them. I ate two. The rest are still here, but are not at all calling to me. Normally in the past I'd think, might as well, it won't hurt to have a few more. But the thing is, I am not physically hungry, neither was my daughter, so we stopped and several remained. We put them away where they will be when one of us does get hungry. CRAZY. I could NEVER do this before. I feel like the "all or nothing" thinking has lifted a bit (like I didn't finish the sundae although I was tempted). Wow I don't know that this is the path to freedom yet, but it feels like I'm heading in the right direction DESPITE challenges that used to trip me up.

Another thing. This morning there was a special get-together for moms at my daughter's school. They served pastries and milk and juice. On diets it was hard to attend these types of things because it's like, this is nice but it totally throws off my eating. But since I am not dieting it is no big deal! This morning I ate my muffin (they're just the little ones, cute) and it was like a lightbulb moment - "OH! This is OKAY. I can enjoy this without anxiety." So great. Having that freedom appears to wipe away my binge cravings! I mean today I did not eat "my usual" bfast and lunch and it was OKAY. I don't feel guilty or sad or anxious, I feel content and excited and FREE and NORMAL. Yes!!!! Everyday this gets better and better. (If only all things in life felt this way! Finals are coming soon.. and I will face my first life stress challenge to eating well and not binging something finals always drive me to! It's only been a week, I'm not calling "cured!" or anything but I like where I am heading, big picture)

Side note: Oh my God I know how crazy this reads- I am a complete fast food addict! But it's getting better. Previously I was eating out almost every day, sometimes twice per day, and it is killer on the budget. So I am cognizant of my follies and a work in progress! :)

No, it doesn't sound crazy. It actually sounds like a totally normal life. So don't worry when there is no need to worry. And really, you seem to be doing just fantastic, so go with it and enjoy it!

[QUOTE]so go with it and enjoy it! [QUOTE]

I took this very literally :)

It was a super busy weekend. I deep-deep cleaned my kitchen on Saturday morning and did some pre-moving packing then my sister came over. We went out and had a great time! I ate my usual bfast and lunch then we went to a buffet style place. I ate some good stuff, nutrient- and taste- wise (and even sprung for some veggies! Cooked broccoli and carrots. To balance out the yummy dessert).

Yesterday I went to my mom's which I've always considered a danger zone. I helped her sort through some things and we visited. I ate junk food but just shrugged it off. It's part of life, I decided, and I am not going to dread going to anyone's house -especially my own mother's- just because I might face some Cheetos. Honestly I probably ate more than was comfortable since I ended up not feeling physically the best but it's just one day of many. I went to bed last night not hating myself or feeling regretful about what I ate- instead I felt grateful for my awesome family and happy that the weekend was so pleasant and fun despite the stress of the past couple of weeks. What a terrific feeling! And whenever thoughts of diet crept into my mind, I told myself, it's the totality of everything that will count. Today I started off with my usual bfast and will have my usual lunch, and I look forward to these things. It's becoming a habit. Another great thing! I don't want to continue to junk out.

I feel pretty depressed today. No reason for it, really, since it's beautiful out and nothing terrible is going on. I just feel weirdly out of sync with the world.

Going back to Sunday, today I keep thinking about what I ate at my mom's. The thing about that is bothering me, is that I felt like I couldn't stop until I had "cleaned the plate" so to speak. I have had kind of an ongoing headache so that affected what and how much I wanted to eat too. I think for breakfast I had like a little chex mix individual bag with a string cheese. Then for lunch I had two chicken softshells. Not healthy stuff, but nothing overboard. At my mom's...something there drives me to eat unhealthily. It's an ingrained habit. I had no notion or plan to eat crap at her house. But right away I had a few pieces of leftover easter candy. She had two huge dishes there and I thought well I *can* have some, no need to restrict. So I kept grabbing pieces here and there. Then my daughter grabbed a chip container and we all started eating chips and Cheetos (my favorite). I ate way too many Cheetos, finishing the bag.

When I got home later my headache still lingered so I ate a couple bags of baked chips with my headache med. For some reason I felt the need to also eat some stray candy (tootsie rolls and a sucker).

I just want to, somewhere, unpack what went on there because the point of all this is to work through binge issues. Was what I did Sunday considered a binge? By volume, no. I felt somewhat out of control though. I didn't want to stop once I started with the Cheetos. The timing was fairly stretched out, throughout the evening, so it wasn't a frenzy or anything. I'm not mad at what I ate, but I feel frustrated now that I allowed myself so much more than I needed. I wasn't even hungry! All I can do is continue to work towards improving this behavior. I know eating processed foods are not helping my case and are likely leading me to desiring more and more of that type of food. I should be eating more whole foods.

Yesterday I ate McDonalds for lunch. I had that stupid headache (unrelated to food I think, since they come on and off pretty frequently no matter what I eat) and wanted something fatty. I just ate a burger with no side, but also a regular Coke. Honestly, I shouldn't but I can't help but mentally track calories and I know I ate around 1500 or so yesterday. Today I've had about 1200. I bet if I ate more whole foods I wouldn't be so closely tracking it.

Anyway just some thoughts. I'm tired and have a project for school to work on (sigh). I feel lonely lately, missing my ex a bit. I have no desire to reach out to him but I more think about if he misses me too, and if I will ever meet someone who is a good match for me. I feel doubtful and pessimistic, about r-ship things but also generally. Well the weekend will be here soon enough. And summer :)

Sending you hugs. We all have down days.

Thanks for the support and encouragement Mrs. Snark (by the way, your journey is very inspiring. I've checked out your blog and you look ah-mazing!) :)

Today I wasn't feeling any fast food, so yay! I wasn't really hungry much at all so I haven't eaten much..like 800 calories or so. I will probably eat more later if I get hungry but right now I feel content. I'm actually surprised at that mental calorie calculation I just did, I wasn't really thinking about food today and it's strange I'm not more hungry I guess? Well I certainly don't endorse starvation level or VLC diets, but I also don't endorse eating if you are not really truly hungry. That is one nasty little habit to get out of.

OOOoooo exciting NSV occurred today! I haven't stepped on the scale yet since if it's like 180 or more my whole life will be thrown off (not really but I take it kind of hard, I'm so sick of that big ole 1-8 in the front). But I may soon, since I put on a pair of jeans that were not fitting at all previously! The size in my opinion doesn't matter, they are all so different anyway but I was thrilled to squeeze back into them. Yes, squeeze- they are too tight to wear out (I can barely lift either leg for one thing, so walking is a problem LOL) but I got them on AND buttoned!! OMG that was an exciting moment in my day for sure. Also my mom told me last night she thought I looked as if I had lost weight when she saw me Sunday (I said "THANKS! ..But you really should have told me then, I probably wouldn't have gone ahead and eaten a bag of Cheetos." Hehe.)

that is a milestone!

(and i speak from the heart. My very first minigoal is to be able to get into and button these aspirational jeans i have. still have quite a way to go there)

so good on you

If you get hungry when you are out and about you should eat. But really you should never eat junk food. Are there really no better options in your town than places that sell junk food?

if you don't eat when you are hungry like that, it will just intensify and by the time you are able to eat, you may not be able to control yourself.

Also when a craving for sugar turns up in those sorts of situations, its nearly always about being hungry and need more fuel in the body. But it can also be thirst and sometimes tiredness. So check those possibilities too.

I've been effectively sugar free for over four months now. Its wonderful. I'm coming back in a sec cause i want to read your second page before continuing.

so now i've read your second page. I have a history of binging too. I'm not so much a junk food eater for meals - like mcdonalds and sub=way and so on and most of the food products you are talking about i've never heard of. They probably don't exist in Australia. But when i am in binge mode, i will just eat more and more and more of anything sweet but the occasional battered fish, sushi from sushi train (which i now consider junk food) and so on. Strawberry milkshakes being a special weakness.

Anyway, i haven't the books you mention but i've been at this a long time with therapy for depression and dieting and fitness and so on. I lost weight many times. I always put it back on and one thing that makes it all go pear shaped really quickly for me is how i eat sugar foods when i feel bad and then how i just start eating more and more of it. And less and less vegetables. And how everything gets completely out of whack. Its a vicious circle.

So with that in mind, and how well my diets have always gone when i am still on them, is that it is so important to improve the quality of the food you eat. All the junk food things have strong flavours in them. These keep you addicted to them. When you can switch to less intense flavours which are typical of foods that are more nutritious you discover a whole world of flavours. and its important because when you lack nutrition from a junk food diet, even if you are not binging, your body is not adequately nourished and this will contribute to your binging tendencies. Its not me making this up. Scientists in the field will say this. I don't know how those other books talked about food and nutrition but in the Don't Go hungry diet book she talks about nutrition a lot. But she also has some other important concepts which may not be dealt with in those books you've read. So while some of it may be familiar to you like the business about learning to recognise when you've had enough to eat, other things will be new. and if you could read the French women don't get fat book and have a go at her approach to food, which is the french approach basically, you will see how wonderful food can become. Most diet books don't focus much on the culture and pleasures of good food. the french book does. It may motivate you to move away from junk food.

I also think that those few days you had when you ate a sundae and felt ok. For me, i found that those sort of situations were not ok in the end. Gradually a little bit starts to become a bit more and then a bit more still. And if stress turns up, all your previous restraint will go out the window. So i would strongly recommend staying away from the foods you tend to binge on. I find having strict rules like banning them really does help me a lot. Its not for ever. But my rules around them are forever. I takes a long while to change foods habits. And it takes even longer for new practices to become habits.

I would suggest not avoiding events because of food but either eat before you go or take your own food with you. And when you are there, try to ignore the food completely. And if its ok, ask them to put the food away if its not being eaten - you know if its just sitting there tempting you. i've done that. People really don't mind.

I want you to succeed because i know how miserable being a binger is. It really has deep effects on your life. And its not easy to quit being a binger. But i think moderation doesn't work for bingers, especially not in the early stages.

Can i suggest when you have your exams, make sure you have plenty of good nutritious food around you and available. When things are difficult, you will probably want to eat. Eat more at meal times but good stuff. Its only for a short while. And get plenty of sleep. lack of sleep makes it all worse.

Thanks so much maddierep!! :) It's quite a feeling. I have a ways to go too overall but getting those jeans all the way up was like, wow I'm getting close to that first tiny goal!

And now Pattience :) First thanks for taking the time to write and offer your thoughts.

Originally Posted by :
Are there really no better options in your town than places that sell junk food?

There are, I guess. I mean I could get salads, etc. I sadly just prefer the junk food right now.

Originally Posted by :
if you don't eat when you are hungry like that, it will just intensify and by the time you are able to eat, you may not be able to control yourself.

Hmm. I don't get super hungry very much at all, so I'm not quite sure what this was in reference too. I don't mind a hunger pang here and there, but I know not to like starve myself all morning and afternoon and then binge all night.

Originally Posted by :
So with that in mind, and how well my diets have always gone when i am still on them, is that it is so important to improve the quality of the food you eat.

Word. This I agree with so, so much.

Originally Posted by :
I also think that those few days you had when you ate a sundae and felt ok. For me, i found that those sort of situations were not ok in the end. Gradually a little bit starts to become a bit more and then a bit more still.

See it's how I always was. The thing with my binging is- and I know everyone's different- I get anxious and am more apt to binge if I try to tell myself something is off the table. I tried restricting candy/sweets in March, and it was "fine" for 2-3 weeks, but the mental craving got stronger the longer time went on. Could I have kept it up, maybe, but for me it really seems the end result will likely be a massive binge at some point no matter what, with the idea that tomorrow is a new day to "start over."

And, I don't want to do that anymore, I don't want to be that girl anymore. I don't want my eating to revolve around push-pull battles and do-overs and constant calculations and risk analysis, anymore. I want simply to eat reasonably and feel great! So my focus now is to STOP the binges, for good, or as close to "for good" as I am able. And in my life, for now, that means I am allowing anything to come in with sort of a general guideline, you eat this bfast, this lunch and then have a bit more relaxed but yet reasonable dinner. And it's working! Mentally I feel less bingey than I have, since, I can really remember. But then I'd been tightly restricting for months on end, one way or another. If I wasn't I felt like I was off the deep end, but temporarily...because I'd know tomorrow the new "diet" would begin. Total binge-restrict cycle, just never ending, and the result: each re-gain would be more and more each time...

I've been following Overcoming Binge Eating, by Dr. Fairburn, as my guide - my "bible" for this, if you will. He recommends to start (besides food journaling) eating at set times, daily, and not restricting. Because his research and many others indicate there is a very strong correlation between restrictive dieting behaviors and binge eating. So restricting has to go. You're really not supposed to count calories either, but I do anyways, since mentally I know all these calorie counts and can't turn that off, LOL. I need to work on that, as well as working slowly into better food choices. But I am giving it time to work and a little leeway and a lot of self love. I have to trust myself, a great deal, to make the right choices and not mistreat myself as I have for years. I also need to move away from thinking of junk as a deserved prize but rather something that harms me in many ways. But that, as I said, is in time.

I really, truly appreciate your advice and take your suggestions to heart. I am very impressed with your ongoing success- it's amazing that you have been able to free your life of foods that you know can do you no good! Someday, I will be at that point. You and others here inspire me and I love taking time to read and reread old posts all over the forums, in maintenance, and support, and goals. What is so cool here is that everyone has found or is finding kind of their own path, it's so individual for everyone- I could NEVER do Medifast, for example, but if that is what works for some, GREAT!! There is so much support and hope here, more than any other forum I've seen for WL. I may be tinkering a bit in the dark but am not totally blind; I have a map now, and my internal compass appears to be pointing in the right direction. Where I end up, we shall see. If it's all wrong I can simply refigure, and keep going. That's the best thing we can do, is never give up!

I should add I feel great about today/this week, no binge urges despite incredible stress!! I have been a bit depressed, finals are coming next week, I even have tests Friday already AND a presentation which I Dread (capital D intentional), aghghgh (LOL)... YET!! I am feeling completely and utterly non-bingey :) The weekend should be interesting. Let's see how I face the challenge presented there..

I think you are doing great! Family always brings out weird want to eat when Im not hungry tendencies in me too. And I am absolutely the same way about restriction. If I even HINT to myself that I can't have something it will trigger not a binge exactly but I suddenly have to have copious amounts of it. In my own personal journey I needed to just let myself have sugary treats and not tell myself that it would lead to me wanting more and more food because that would just set me up to go along with it. Oh I had sugar, now Im going to be uncontrollably hungry and crave sweets. I stopped thinking like that and therefore stopped expecting it and doing it. If that makes any sense. After I let myself have sugary stuff for quite a while, eventually I started eating less of them, and now when I have them they give me a sugar headache and so I choose not to have them most of the time out of my own motivation and inner reasons, not external ones like "sugar is bad".

Anyway, I think you are doing awesome! Have you read Thinside out? I thought about that book as I read your journey so far. It talks a lot about not restricting and noticing what effect food has on your body. I recommend it. :)