Binge Free And Over Eating in February
 

I have been doing well, last binge or over eating was January 18th, 13 days. Its been tough but ive done it. I'm still fighting, and trying to handle my binge eating. I got the book brain over binge, yet haven't read beyond the first page. I at times think I just don't want to face my issue or learn more about myself..make sense?

Makes a lot of sense to me! Sometimes I get tired of looking "into myself." I think that it is great to explore why we do the things that we do and reflect, but at the same time, I like the balance that by just living the day to day and not thinking too hard about it.

Hi. I've not been around for a few days. I've had a very emotional week, quite negative. I have thankfully refrained from binging, but have strayed dangerously close to it on occasion with over eating. The difference (aside fromt he calorie consumption and speed) has been the thought process. The binge mentality just doesn't seem to be there any more.

I'm still working with my counsellor. He said to me today he's not sure what i need his help for. I seem to have good coping strategies and and open approach. I think i explained myself to him, so we'll see what happens next week.

I have to say, this forum is a great place for checking in and it does keep me focussed. I need to try and use it when i'm feeling emotionally negative.

Just checking in! I've done pretty darned well over the past week or two, no cravings that I've given into :) I'm glad to hear that the other people who have posted in this (so far tiny) thread are having success as well.

I've been binging almost every day for the past week
Today has been going well though. I had a big dinner, but I'm determined to get through today binge-free.

It sounds like your counselor is trying to build your confidence and believes in you. I bet it is still nice to have that reassurance that you are doing well, and using your skills to over come the binge eating.

Congratulations! Its an accomplishment. I've been telling myself that every HOUR I don't binge is at least positive. Are you doing anything different?

I am still doing well. I am on day 20 binge free. I had to count twice because it just didn't seem possible. I can't believe I have made it this long again. The longest I have gone this winter binge free has been 21 days. I have to really start focusing and tell myself I can do this. I don't quite remember what it was specifically that made me break the last binge except for the stress of all the kids home during the holidays etc. I wanna make it to day 22 and beat my old record.!!

I am doing well considering the amount of stress that has gone on these past two weeks. I had been getting up at 4 every day to get into work extra early and train on the job I will be taking over when the lady takes maternity leave. I got better and more confident with what I was learning, not second guessing myself, except maybe still occasionally messing up the phone. However, I noticed I really felt guilty.

I would get to work before 6, stay until 10:30 or 11. Then I would either do my grocery shopping, go to the post office, library, or any of the other zillons errands I had. After all of that I would be home for lunch and then do loads of laundry, load the dishwasher, sweep or mop the floor, clean our bathroom, get dinner prepped or put in the crockpot, then go back to work. I felt like I was running on full tilt. I'd work again until 5. After work it was home again to prepare the rest of dinner, fold laundry, etc. Then by 7 or 8 a.m. I was having all I could do to keep my eyes open. I kept falling asleep very very early. I was not available for anyone it seemed after 8. I tried making it up by watching a movie with the kids one night at dinner, by the time it was over I was ready for bed. I didn't get much time with my husband and being so tired I was already asleep when he wanted to do something else.

I decided to ask for help, which I never ever do. I now have someone helping me after dinner, they are rotating..someone will help put leftovers away and "clean up" from dinner so I'm not doing it all and I can actually eat at decent time instead of 2 hours after everyone else. It might seem like very little but I notice its less stressful and I feel like less of a maid. I mean I would go non-stop all day and then when I came home at night sometimes I still had my coat on when I got the rest of dinner going or other stuff done and I was like wait a minute..this just isn't right I go from one job to another with no break whatsoever.

I remember before mentioning this and I listened when you guys suggested ASKING for help. Thank you. Because those are the times I would start getting so upset and then angry I'd bottle it up and it would build and build, then the next thing I knew I would explode into a binge.
I did managed to whip up muffins a couple mornings before I went to work I was trying to let my husband and kids know I hadn't forgotten them just because I was seeing them less or only when I was sleeping:^:

I also checked this morning and was happy to find that I am in ketosis. I also noticed that I had dropped back down to 181-182, which is a start since earlier in the week the scale had read 185. I am reminding myself to avoid the nuts because of all the salt and the fact that I just can't seem to control myself when it comes to eating them. I have tried taking out just one serving but before I know it I go back and eventually I just say heck and eat the bag.

Last night I had a bit of a mini binge on some peanuts and rice cakes (low in calories at least). I did some working out afterwards so I felt a bit better. I think I binged because dinner just really wasn't satisfying. I thought I had eaten enough....maybe not. =P Gah.

Hi, I'm joining in here. I haven't been on the forums too much in the past one or two weeks, because I've been so tired of coming here with failure posts all the time. I really feel like that's all I've been posting because I haven't been able to keep my eating under control. Couple that with the stress of being unemployed and not being able to find a job despite countless applications, I've been eating and eating with no restraint.

But I'm back. I'm still unemployed and living with parents, but I want to have some control in at least one area of my life, and that's going to be my weight loss. Thankfully I haven't gained too much and even managed to lose 2 lbs in the past week. I'm getting back on this journey and I'm trying to stay positive.

I still haven't been doing great.
I had was good up until after dinner yesterday, when I had half a loaf of banana bread (I ate the other half the day before...) and a bowl of pasta with stale bread (a second dinner with way too much salt)
I did get in a good workout yesterday though. I made myself stay on the elliptical even after people began filling in our tiny gym (I like it to myself).

I have work today from 8 to 1:30, then am spending the rest of the day in the library getting homework done. I have no food left in my home, so not binging should be easy.

So today will be Day 1.
I want to stop binging so badly. I'm so sick of waking up every morning feeling bloated and heavy from all the salt and refined foods :\

I have not binged since Nov. 1, 2013 and am feeling pretty good about that. I've been sticking to my diet program and staying on track with my exercise. I've lost over 40 pounds and can climb stairs again without huffing and puffing. I have a long way to go, yet, but I'm on track to get to goal.

I spent far too many years afraid to face or address my binging habit. Without sugar, without binges, who was I? I am the same exact person, just without feeling crappy all the time from the toxic effects sugar had on my system. I have no desire to binge again. Do I miss certain foods? Absolutely! I am learning that there is a major difference between craving a food and wanting to binge, however. Just because I might crave a donut doesn't mean I want, need, or desire to sit down and eat an entire box of donuts. I'm also learning that cravings do pass. I don't have to act on them.

I am a happier person since reading Brain over Binge and deciding that my obsession with food didn't define who I am as a person. I was finally ready to throw away the crutch. We each come to the point that binging doesn't give us the emotional "fix" we need anymore.

As twisted as it may sound, I'm still able to reach that vacuous point of mindlessness that binging provided, only today, I reach that point through exercise. I know only too well, the emotional peace of eating an entire layer cake without thinking about anything or or tasting a single bite. All thought of any kind just slipped away in a massive, thoughtless sugar rush. It takes more physical effort to reach the point of mental oblivion through exercise but when you're doing rep after rep, just focusing on form and counting, there's no room for other thoughts. When I'm in the midst of a workout, I experience that period of mental oblivion without the accompanying regret that binging causes.

Sounds like you have a plan and it is good to put your physical health and needs at the top of the list.

I have really been paying attention to the same thing..I have learned that I am doing a very good job at paying attention to what my body is saying. I haven't had any binge feelings, for me they are different than just a "craving". But, so far I haven't had enough cravings, or stress, to boil over into a binge cycle. I have able to eat normally. I have been around "binge" foods, and have not been inclined to binge.

I am now 23 DAYS BINGE FREE, the longest I have been in years. I beat the 22 days I had done before. I reached a goal and am so happy with myself.

I've been following along, on and off, and am SOOOOO happy for you!

Ugh, I messed up again today :\
It was going well until after dinner (as always), lots of cereal, maple sugar, bread. There's not a lot of food in the house of mine, but of course I still managed a binge (and not a very good one in terms of taste of the food :p )
And now I'm super nauseous.
It was a busy day, 2 meetings and four classes...
But food shouldn't be my way to de-stress and relax.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Gotta stay positive!

Peanut butter toast this morning for breakfast....then I went on a crunchy spree. (a few Nilla wafers, Newton thins, and some BBQ Fritos) =P Good thing lunch will be healthy. But I gotta plan something supah low cal for dinner. Gah!

Thank you so much for the support. It has been very difficult but I am still binge free today, no over eating either.:hug: I am trying to be "good" to myself and keep going. I am extremely busy with work, which might be helping, and at home.

I also stepped on the scale this morning, I am back DOWN to 179 as of this morning. Not binging is helping since I had been past 185.

I bought Fig newtons in January-tons of them. I was craving them and I ate two entire packages during a binge. They bring back a warm and fuzzy feeling from childhood-my grandfather always ate them. I wondered at the time if I was binging trying to comfort myself? Who knows. I know that emotions add to my binge feeling, but it isn't the "cause" of it. Also know that when I am stressed and feeling out of control I also binge a great deal. Which is odd to me because I feel out of control during a binge as well buy maybe its a way to get that "energy" out?

So, overall 25 days binge free. I keep reminding myself that. I haven't had "the urge" to binge which is how I have gone this long.

Mainecyn, congrats on being 25 days binge free!

Yesterday, I tried an experiment. I have two "celebration meals" a week, at which I can consume more carbs than I usually do. Sometimes these "celebration meals" trigger me to binge on more carbs afterwards. A friend had told me that there are studies showing that consuming a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar along with your carbs can slow the release of the sugar into your bloodstream, and the dumping of insulin to deal with your sugar. I had my celebration meal, and a big cupcake, for lunch. I drank some apple cider vinegar in water afterwards. It was gross, but it worked. I felt no cravings afterwards. I didn't even feel hungry at dinner! I'm going to try it again today. I'll let you know if it works.

Here's a link to one of the articles on apple cider vinegar
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes-food-a...ful_of_vinegar

Well I'm afraid I have fallen off the wagon big style. Lots of stress going on, overly tired, all the usual excuses blah blah blah. Actually i just stopped being conscious and aware of what I was doing. I went on autopilot and have been binging daily (sometimes twice a day) over the last week.

Big f****** failure and i can't seem to get back on track :(

New to this
 

Hi, I'm new to this forum, the last one I contributed to seems to have disappeared and I found it helpful, so here I am.

I realise I've had an eating problem for probably just over a year. At the moment I can't seem to go a day without overeating, or even half a day for that matter. It's usually okay until lunchtime but once I start eating, I can't seem to stop. I've tried lots of things and have lost weight, only to put it back on... and some.

My will power seems to have all but disappeared, I can't even get through day without blowing it. I've often said to myself, if you want it enough, you'll do it - do I not want it enough? I feel like I do. I want to be healthy for my children and for myself. I think there's nothing worse than looking back on your life with regret, I don't want to be doing that.

I am 40 and mum of two boys. I ran the London marathon in 2008 but it's been all down hill since then.

Any help appreciated.

Hugs to everyone :) I feel that this thread is so invaluable and insightful. I have recently lost 110 pounds through Weight Watchers. Last Saturday I reached my goal weight. It is at the higher end of my weight range for my height but I'm perfectly ok with that. I work out a lot and lift weights and am a size eight. I'm very happy with my chosen goal weight, which was a recent decision. That said, over the past few weeks my desire to binge eat has returned. I haven't had that desire in about a year, so the continuous desire to binge as of late is a little disappointing. After I reached my goal weight I went grocery shopping (part of my routine) and for the first time in a year felt this like crazy, crazy inclination to load up my cart with the Valentine cakes and cookies that were displayed in the entry. It kind of took me aback. Just an hour earlier I had reached my goal weight and all of a sudden I was hit with all new desires to binge. Very weird.

As well, I went shopping today for a few things I was out of. I was going to pick up baking supplies to make treats for Valentine's Day for people. As soon as I got into the door I as greeted again (different store tho) by cakes and chocolates and all kinds of desserts. Within seconds I got overwhelmed and extremely upset. Where are these feelings me sensations coming from all of a sudden?

I thought to myself that I could not be trusted today with baking supplies in my home. I thought to get my friends and coworkers candies instead so I wouldn't have to face baking supplies in my home. Then I realized that today was a day where I couldn't trust myself even to have candies in my house.

Ultimately I decided to opt out of treats for Valentine's Day this year. I just can't face it. I'm proud of myself however that I can see that about myself. I feel badly because I would like to acknowledge people on Valentine's Day. But for my own sake, I can't be handling desserts and sweets. Anyway, in both cases mentioned what I ended up doing is countering the urge to binge with a mini shoppig spree of healthy foods. Raw vegetables. Fiber 1 bars. Tortilla wraps for my lunches. New spices to try. Greek yogurt. Things like that. So, today I am proud of myself.

I thought I would share a Vic

It is a very odd sensation because you would think that once reaching such a goal, all the hard work, sacrifice, and working on your personal health, that binge eating would be the last thing on your mind. However, I am living that as well and have for over a year. I reached goal weight of 147 a year ago..within months I binged myself all the way back up into the 160's, then the 170's, and after that the 180's. I had been proud and disciplined, and worked so hard..I think the "high" of losing and succeeding replaced the binge feelings for a long long time, then it was back. I also noticed that the binge eating is so much worse than ever before, it was constant, every day all day for most of the year. I am only now almost a month binge free..its the most I've done in a year. I can understand what you are going thru. I think you did the right thing by opting out of the treats. I have done what you said, I'll just buy one..well before I know it I'm eating what I bought and then going back to the store and stocking up, taking it all home and binge eating it all. :?:

think I'm on day 27, didn't count I might be off a day or so. But I know the month mark is coming up fast.

I'm busy as always at work and with family. It will be a real test this weekend with all my step kids at home as well. I keep saying, I can do this..don't listen to that voice that's says its been so long and you will feel so much better if you binge-release, happy, accceptance

Hi, Hope it;s ok to chime in here. Your posts really resonate! Prior to dieting, I'd describe myself as a compulsive overeater with occasional bingeing. Come to think of it, that still fits, lol. I went on IdealProtein for 7 mo and for the first time in my post-puberty life, I've been at a healthy weight (I'm now 60). I've been more or less maintaining for almost 6 mo.

One day after having a really nice & satisfying meal with a friend, I stopped at the store to pick up TP and the next thing I knew I was eating donuts, Cheetohs, and too many other things to list, things I normally don't even crave. It mystified me until I read Brain over Binge. It's a good read and when she finally ties it all together--wow! You will have a very convincing explanation for what's going on and how to deal with it. According to the book (and my experience), dieting makes us all more vulnerable to binges--it's hard wired into our brains. But not impossible to overcome or at least manage. I hope you'll find it as helpful as I did. Sending you good wishes for the weekend.

Can't WAIT to try this--thank-you!!! I've heard that eating a few pickles also helps--maybe due to the vinegar. A new concept for dessert :D

I was on a horrible daily binge for weeks until last Thursday. So today marks my 7th day without bingeing.

Hey all, thinking about you all!!

Winter is hard, so I think that its great that we are having some better days despite the stress. I have my times of feeling down, so I am trying to balance that by reminding myself that sometimes things happen in life that make the little problems seem way worse and goals feel a lot of daunting.

I am also trying to remind myself of the progress and growth that I have achieved - I used to think that I would always inevitably screw up on everything. Well, now on days when there is extreme bad weather and I am very ill and I can't make it to the gym or do this or that perfectly, I am getting better at trusting myself and knowing that that no, pixellate, you know that you will do what you want to do - you won't fall apart in a mess because you aren't 100% when things get rather impossible. I employed any and EVERY weight loss technique because I thought I need to do so much to make up for my crappy failure self. Accommodate for my inevitable inefficiency.

Sure I don't do nearly as much activity or proactive dieting as some, but I do at least the bare minimum and I don't beat myself up when I don't - for me, that is eons less self-punishing than how I felt in the past (separating myself from my toxic family has made a big difference in this too)

Binging or not you are NOT a fake. You are still inspiring and you accomplished a lot - you kept up habits 100% for a long time, even if you don't maintain them fully now. Even if the whole binge-purge cycle to maintain isn't what you want to do in the long term (and I don't blame you) the fact that you can maintain is still admirable. Please feel free to post here! Or lurk of course =]

[QUOTE
People congratulate me on maintaining but i’m a fake. I do well and control my urges all week but Friday night comes around and a switch goes off.
][/QUOTE]

I have said this exact same thing-I have people still tell me congratulations on losing so much weight, maintaining it, being healthy etc. Yet, I tell myself I am fake, I am not healthy, I am not maintaining my weight, and if they only really knew what I do-they wouldn't be so quick to congratulate me.

I agree with Pixellate

The fact that you can come on here and admit that you have binged is HUGE... you are way ahead of being in that place where you denied it.

I've been binge free since jan 1st even though it's been a stuggle at times

:cp:mrslosingit: Congratulations! How have you accomplished this success? :cp:

Congratulations! That is a major accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself.

I haven't binged, that feeling, that over takes me, it hasn't happened. I am not sure just what is going on but I don't miss the feeling. I did eat more than normal yesterday, snacking on veggie "chips" craving salt. But, it ended there. I didn't start on those and then eventually more or move onto something else, that panic and frantic feeling of eating one thing and moving to the next and next. It didn't happen. So far, its no where to be seen, that binge binge monster or the physical change I feel when it does come up on me.

No weight loss, and not feeling great about how I am looking, but it hasn't made me decide that I should throw myself in front of the pantry. Eating because I feel ugly or fat has always been a response, it isn't happening. While I am not happy with myself, I'm hanging in there.

I attempted exercises today on my stability ball, yet I feel goofy and stupid when I attempted them. Don't know what I am doing.

Its been a long weekend. We have had everything and everyone here all weekend. With all the kids I normally would eat and eat. Not so far. I had a rough time Friday at the Drs office with multiple tests. I have a mammogram Monday morning. I'm a little young for it, never had one before. Also some blood tests Monday and some other issues health wise that are stressful, but I haven't turned to food.

I hope everyone is doing well over the weekend and congratulating themselves for all the hard work. It seems to be a min by min thing, but I guess its the same for us all.

Wow congratulations go to you too!

Great going Cyn, thats wonderful progress. Keep it up.

Sadly I am failing to get a grip on my eating. I'm going to try reading Brain over Binge again, to reconnect with the ideas that seemed to work. Also my counsellor gave me some good tips today. I need to get a grip. This binging is really getting me down.

mainecyn: In case I miss it tomorrow, 2/19, congrats on one month of being binge free!!!

i honestly don't remember the last time I did a 3000 calorie binge. But a couple of days ago I ate more than a healthy serving of chocolates--I'm going to call that a binge for me for now.

I am prone to emotional eating right now. I am having stress in my relationship, stress in my finances, I am 2 months postpartum, and I am determined to work out and lose weight.

yesterday was the first day for me, because I joined 3 fat chicks again.

So this is day 2.

Congrats everyone on being binge free for ever how long.

Yesterday would have been Day 6, but I messed up. I was sick so I stayed at home all day, and I guess the boredom got the best of me.
Before that I had been doing really well though. Binging just seemed so unappealing.
I think I'm making a lot of progress. I think today will be good, and it seems that every time I do binge, I tell myself that it's going to lead to a stomach ache and nausea right after, gut issues and acne the next day.
Here's to another Day 1, a banana for breakfast, classes, lunch, then going into town with friends. I've got this :)

megan, yes the binging does make you feel sick. You have the rest of the day to be binge free. congrats!

orange, focus on the negative of binging. the money, the icky feeling, one thing that REALLY helped with my binging, is the sick feeling would always be so overwhelming--either from very high blood sugar or just plain pain--I would always purge. Well, the vessels in my face would break badly..and I would have dots everywhere...it was a good reminded why I shouldn't binge because eventually I would purge, and my face would be a mess. Plus I just got through months of morning sickness my last pregnancy...who wants to do that on purpose now?

Thank you so much. I have made it 30 days. This is the longest I have been binge free in years. I am not sure how or why, just thankful that I have been able to stay on top of things. I haven't had "that feeling" the one that creeps up on you and turns that binge switch on. I try to really listen to myself, what is going on physically. I don't know, I really don't feel I am doing anything different that before.

I have been binge free this long. Has it resulted in weight loss? NO, however, it has resulted in me feeling better about myself and more "in control". I have also noticed that my "everyday" eating has slowed way way down. I am not eating much as I used to. I don't know if it is tied together or not. I am keeping as busy as possible and trying not to even think about food.

Note on emotions. Well, I generally seem to binge a great deal, happy or sad, but I also had noticed that during times of stress or anger I also binge. Its like instead of letting out that anger or energy I internalized it, and at. Cramming that food in faster and faster and talking to that person in my mind about how upset or angry I was. I have had several stressful events over this month, got angry, and just felt out of control at times, BUT I DIDN'T BINGE, which was usually my reaction.

Im still reading brain over binge, its taking a long time because I have only been able to really read it while I am at the chiropractor or other dr office.

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Just a polite warning it may be too much info or gross some out


I am right now, currently, dealing with health (medical) issues related to years of binge eating..this past year being the worse I ever binged. I am taking medication for gi tract, I am dealing with acid reflux and gag reflex (almost vomited this morning when I coughed), and then there is the issue of digestion-um no polite way to say it but when you binge on all that food it has to come out.

I had an appointment this week due to issues (blood) and problems trying to pass all that food has caused, and constipation. I didn't go into detail with the dr as to why I should be having such issues since I am "thin" generally eat healthy, but I had to explain to her why I could no longer physically "go to the bathroom" without a lot of effort, or that it could be up to 6 days until I could. "Digestive problems such as bloating, stomach cramps, constipation or diarrhea " is a polite way to list it all.

Add the fact that for two weeks I am having to use a suppository, take stool softeners morning and night, and go thru a totally embarrassing rectal exam and poo test (sample due to blood)
well, if you thought having your annual pap test etc. is bad-this experience had it beat. Not to mention, I was in the doctor office FOR MY PAP test and exam. The dr asked me if I had any other concerns..I hesitated for a min. and then decided to tell her that whenever I "go to the bathroom" I bleed ALOT, like having to clean yourself and the toilet. She immediately said "we will be looking into that" and then scheduled a bunch of tests.
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You know, when I look back over the years of all the binge eating, the gaining weight and losing weight, I can never once say that I ever thought or knew that binge eating would or could lead to physical problems or diseases.

I knew that bulimia could cause issues due to vomiting, also affect your teeth. I also knew that anorexia could cause many issues such as no period, loss of bone growth, tons of other things, but never once did I ever read in all the books I read, the self help ones, or the therapist I saw, that binge eating could "tear your digestive system up" and cause future health problems. I know that rationally it makes sense, but that voice in my head kept saying, "well all i was doing was eating a bunch of food fast, it all went in ok, it should be fine" I didn't know I really was causing any trauma except to myself emotionally.

orangesmartie, I understand completely.I keep trying, like you. Get up and try again, thats what I always end up telling myself. I don't know if the book is doing anything "life changing" but it does explain things in a way I can relate to and I also learned that it was normal to feel that therapy doesn't always help. I didn't do well with therapy, they just always returned to childhood events that MIGHT have shaped how I am today, well sure they did..but it wasn't helping me now. I also, like the writer, took topomax, while on it my binge systems were gone for several months and I mentally felt different-which is why I always felt it was a "mental" issue involving a section of my brain.

I skim the book on my kindle when I can if it just doesn't seem to "apply" I move onto something that does apply to me. I didn't relate to much of the bulimia info, or the excessive exercise, but I did relate to the entire weight loss issue. My binge eating got worse after being successful losing weight-I lost 80+ pounds two times. I always used to have periods of over eating and indulging" pre-diet time, but I noticed that this past year after reaching my goal weight suddenly the binge eating reappeared with a vengeance and took hold. It was unlike anything it ever had been before-a monster, out of control. So, yes, I can see some parts of that theory as well. But, I always seemed to have some type of eating disorder as long as I can remember (early childhood etc). There is just so much to shift thru. I don't discount that there are some emotional issues added to my binge eating, I admit it. I have low low self esteem and a poor self image. Do to those things I have resorted to turning to food for comfort and the "high or good" feeling the binge gives. So, I haven't really had my understanding of why I binge eat change at all while reading the book. I just do like that I can relate to what is being said.

I'm thinking of all of you, I haven't been on much because I haven't' been home much except for late at night after work. By then I'm too tired to do anything and I also like privacy when I'm posting here. I don't get that with everyone at home.

mainecyn, thank-you very much for sharing your experience. It takes a lot of courage to do that and especially to tell your doc. Sounds like you have learned to truly take care of yourself. Many times in my life, I've done used my body as a pawn in trying to care for my psyche. I suspect many, many people do in one form or another. Some are much less stigmatized than the ones related to eating. Gender bias, lol?

I hope your doc acted it a way to merit your authenticity & trust--the good ones feel privileged to have a patient as honest as you. And hoping for a full recovery, too. Hope you'll keep us posted.

Cyn, thank you for sharing. I know its hard but its always comforting to know i'm not alone.

Today has been terrible for food. I've just been like a pacman all day, eating and eating and eating. And when i'm not eating, I'm thinking about eating, what I've got in the fridge/freezer/cupboards, what i could get from the supermarket (i had to go to get milk and bread, bought chocolate mousses and greek yoghurt - have already eaten most of that). So i'm about 3000 calories for the day. And i haven't even yet hit the point where my stomach hurts.

I'm onto litre 3 of water and i've had about 5 mugs (big mugs) of redbush tea, no milk or sugar.

I just want to cry (except i don't cry). It upsets me so much that I've put on so much of the weight i lost and am steadily gaining. I hate that I now flinch and cringe when my partner touches me. And most of all, i hate that those feelings are not enought o motivate me to stop doing it.

Working with my counsellor is ok. We've been all the way through my life and he agrees that there is no event from childhood that causes this. He thinks I'm a very open and experiencing person, who just has this one blip, and i agree. So now we're down to trying CBT And transactional analysis techniques. Clearly they are failing so far.

I just don't know what else to do. I'm sorry to bring everyone down. I just need to vent and feel safe doing so here.

Every morning i wake up and swear it will be different today, today will be the start. Sometimes, like yesterday, i make it through to dinner time before the demons get me. This morning, it was less than an hour after breakfast that it started.

I'm so tired of this.

cyn,, thanks for sharing...I too have digestive problems...

orange, you are safe, go ahead and vent. I pray you are able to overcome the urge to eat some more...