Originally Posted by surfergirl2 (Post 4717911)

I am pretty excited that i have stopped weighing for the first time in my life. I think it was affecting me more than i cared to admit. If my weight was up one morning, it would sometimes make me feel like i was too fat to exercise (since extra weight DOES make things like running, pullups, etc. harder)...so occasionally i'd just crawl back into bed or, worse, go straight to breakfast without my normal morning exercise. I believe in listening to your body not only with regard to food, but also exercise. So, while it's ok to occasionally skip my workout because i'm tired, it's NOT ok to skip it because of a number on the scale!

Originally Posted by magical (Post 4718103)

I was a normal eater until self-awareness kicked in probably around the age of 12/13 and I became very conscious of my size as I was taller and larger than most girls (not fat, I was never fat but had a large frame). My mother's constant comments that she had a much smaller frame than I was definitely a trigger and as soon as I learnt how to throw up using my own fingers, that was it for me.

Weight wise, in my teens and as an adult up to say 5 years ago perhaps, I was always around 115-125 lbs (usually 120 and a size 4 and sometimes 6, depending on the brand). I can see from old photos now that I looked like a scarecrow at 115 or even 120 since I had a large frame. I maintained 120 throughout the years by alternatively severely restricting and binging/purging.

I started putting on weight above 125 lbs (up to a max of 140 lbs perhaps) on and off the last 5 years - still considered normal weight but well, my family has always been prone to comment and the scales ruled my life. I believe the weight piled because I got older so while I was still binging and purging, I could not restrict and purge without my body fighting back with with its own defense mechanism.

One year ago, I gave up restricting and binging/purging completely because, as I said in another thread, I could not do it anymore. I also gave up weighing myself totally. Mentally, I was exhausted and I gave up trying to please people. I was around 125 lbs when I stopped dieting. I did not do "intuitive eating" as how the books described it after I stopped. I just ate when I wanted to and I definitely did overeat junk food those first few months - chocolates, cakes, stuff, and I definitely put on weight. Not sure how much, but I had to move up a clothes size.

The feelings settled down after a while and I think I did lose some weight as I alternated between a 6 and 8. A year on, I'm ready to get back into a comfortable 6, so, trying to record what I eat and when I eat but doing it very slowly.




I will NEVER ever go back to restricting. I was very tempted in the beginning and it was a real blessing in disguise that I could not purge anymore because after sometime, the feeling to binge/purge went away. As I said, my house has junk food lying around and I'm not even interested. I can eat one small bit of chocolate and put it away not tempted at all.

Originally Posted by Xena2013 (Post 4718236)

Hi guys - thanks for all the advice.

I am still doing good (except for last night) but the not weighing drives me insane. I catch myself skipping all snavks and dinner because I am scared of gaining weight and not knowing it. Last night I was so hungry that I got very dizzy but the thought of gaining more weight scares me. So at 10 PM last night I found myself in the kitchen inhaling brownies and chips...

I am wondering if I should just try to weigh daily and get an idea of fluctuations. I don't expect a big weight loss in one day. I just know the weekly or monthly never worked. I would expect a huge loss since I was "good" for "so long" and binged if it didn't happen.

I am not sure what to do but ditching the scale doesn't seem to work and makes me undereat.

Originally Posted by surfergirl2 (Post 4718146)

Thanks, Magical!

Random thought...i posted earlier about how the only time i lost significant weight and kept it off was when i was traveling the world. I think a big part of the reason was that I didn't think about food until right before mealtimes...and then it was like ok, decide on a restaurant, go to a restaurant, and eat. Simple as that. But we kind of HAVE to plan a bit more than that in our regular lives...grocery shopping, cooking, etc. I mean, unless i'm going to eat out for every meal, i'm going to have to plan...and planning can then start to get obsessive and into the whole "dieting" territory. Of course, it doesn't HAVE to be like that...there is a middle ground...but anyway that was just my musing for the day.

Originally Posted by SouthernMaven (Post 4718012)

I completely agree! I think Rob's "hunger scale" is so much hooey, but I think all these people who write IE books think they have to include some type of hunger "rating" component, so they make a stab at it. I think people trying to practice IE would be better served to do exactly what IE is supposed to be about - listening to your body.

I had a somewhat strange experience today. Like most people, my hunger signals come and go, even when I know I'm pretty hungry. For a myriad of reasons I ate very little Monday and Tuesday; I don't calorie count, but I'm sure I was way under maintenance calories. But I wasn't really hungry, so I ate what I needed. Then last night I woke up in the middle of the night due to having a major Niaspan flush (Niaspan is a prescription med I take for cholesterol which is timed-released niacin) so I got up and took a benadryl so I could go back to sleep. I noticed I was relatively hungry but didn't want to eat - for some reason I have an aversion to eating in the middle of the night even if I'm hungry - so I went back to sleep in about 30 minutes. Got up this morning and went about my normal routine, which doesn't include breakfast, but I never noticed being hungry. I'm heading to the YMCA to do some walking, and suddenly a wave of hunger such as I haven't experienced in a very long time came washing over me. It was so intense, and it hit me just as I have described - like a tidal wave!

It was the kind of hunger that says "Feed me - and now!!!" So I did. I went and got a big hearty breakfast and enjoyed every bite. I ate almost everything on my plate, but I did leave a few hash browns because I was full - or at least I thought I was. I then went and walked, and after that I went to the grocery store.

Normally if I eat a breakfast as big as the one I had this morning - esp. if I eat it as late as I did (around 10:30 am) I won't eat for the rest of the day. But I can already tell that I will need something else to eat. I'm not hungry, but I'm not really full either. I wouldn't even call myself satiated at this point, but the way I feel is so rare I'm not sure how to describe it. It's almost as if I'm on the edge of hungry, peering over into the abyss, but I haven't fallen in yet. Weird.

So I'm using this as a real learning opportunity to listen to my body. Apparently I just didn't feed it enough in the previous 48 hours before today, and it's trying desperately to catch up. I'm beginning to understand how our bodies do indeed regulate themselves. Fascinating, actually.

And to bring this back to Freelancemomma's original point - the hunger/fullness component. If I'd had to "rate" how I felt this morning it was absolutely off the chart hunger. On a scale of 1-10 I'd rate it about a 15! Yet it did not come on to me gradually; it hit me upside the head. There's no way to define or measure that kind of hunger. And it was completely different from what I would consider "normal" hunger - that is, normal for ME.

Who's to say that some people don't feel any type of hunger at all until it is as intense as I had this morning? How are you going to rate that on a scale? Cannot be done, IMO.

Originally Posted by freelancemomma (Post 4717292)

Speaking of OCD... I myself am quite OCD about remnants. I find it very difficult to leave, say, a half a cinnamon roll wrapped up in the fridge. I feel like I have to either eat it or throw it away. One spoonful of Nutella left in the jar? Same deal, I can't just let it sit there. Anything less than a full portion leaves me feeling like I have to DO something about it. Nuts, eh? I've been this way ever since I can remember, so it's a hard groove to erase.

Freelance

Originally Posted by veggiedaze (Post 4718440)

So I am just continuing to truck along and hoping I will not change my mind about everything. I tried wine again last night (just a small glass and had it after dinner as opposed to before), but I again started feeling some binge urges. I think I'm going to give up wine now for awhile because I just feel it will cause me to binge one of these days. Anyone else have anything to say about alcohol. I just feel confused about it because at one time drinking wine seemed to help suppress bingeing, but now it just seems to do the opposite. I don't know why this changed. It really sucks because I just love a glass a couple times a week, especially on my last day of work. My last day of work though I am vulnerable to bingeing because I know I don't have to work the next day so it won't matter how sick I feel.

Originally Posted by Xena2013 (Post 4718236)

Hi guys - thanks for all the advice.

I am still doing good (except for last night) but the not weighing drives me insane. I catch myself skipping all snavks and dinner because I am scared of gaining weight and not knowing it. Last night I was so hungry that I got very dizzy but the thought of gaining more weight scares me. So at 10 PM last night I found myself in the kitchen inhaling brownies and chips...

I am wondering if I should just try to weigh daily and get an idea of fluctuations. I don't expect a big weight loss in one day. I just know the weekly or monthly never worked. I would expect a huge loss since I was "good" for "so long" and binged if it didn't happen.

I am not sure what to do but ditching the scale doesn't seem to work and makes me undereat.

Originally Posted by magical (Post 4718590)

IMO, there are 5 types of thin people and the types range from those who work very hard staying thin to those staying thin without any effort at all:

1) Those who really work at staying thin with a lot of food rules.

2) Those who eat a lot (comparatively) but control their weight by exercising a lot.

3) Those who do eat but eat tiny portions. These ones may eat one big meal a day and skip the rest or may eat 3-4 meals a day but tiny meals. Alternatively, these people may graze all day, nibbling food here and there. They naturally have a small appetite.

4) Those who are interested in food but are very fussy eaters such that if there is nothing they like in the fridge, they would rather starve than eat something they think is not perfect. These people are also naturally thin.

5) Those who are too busy or too disinterested to think about food and use food to fuel their body. These ones do not snack at all or may just take one bite and be done with it. They rather focus their mind and energy on something else.

At the moment, you may be of type no.1 in that you need some rules to follow even if you are practicing intuitive eating. One rule for you would be not eating trigger foods. I think that if a person is strict about food such that they have certain rules, that is okay if the rules do not interfere with how they live their lives. This applies equally to those who are type no. 2.

However, if for some reason, the rules do not get followed (e.g. because of some external factor that cannot be controlled) and the person gets very anxious and panicky about it (e.g. failure to exercise a day means not eating the next day due to compensatory behavior etc), then IMO, this is not an ideal position. This may apply to you because of the OCD tendencies.

My realization from the one year of non-restricting is that I CAN become type no. 5 BUT in order to get to no. 5, I had to go through those stages 1-6 and get past stage 2 to overcome those binging urges which you mentioned in relation to your wine.

It does NOT mean that I am healthy if I am type no. 5. A lot of thin people are very unhealthy and unfit. My goal is to train myself to eat healthily and this is where I am at the moment. Then comes the focus on becoming fitter with some activities that I enjoy.

Our reasons for having ED appear to be different - yours was internally driven and mine was mainly externally driven, so with your OCD, perhaps staying as type no. 1 but reaching a middle ground with certain flexible food rules may be the way to go. That may satisfy your OCD tendencies so that you do not feel lost without rules, but at the same time, the rules could only be simple, flexible, basic rules which occur in an environment YOU can control. E.g. no trigger foods in the house. This does not mean that you can't drink wine at a friend's party but it just means that you don't have wine in the house. If you have a desire for it, do it in a restaurant. Just as an example.

Originally Posted by SouthernMaven (Post 4718869)

Xena - moving out of "diet thinking" is hard and something no one does overnight. But skipping meals "because you're afraid of gaining weight" is definitely diet thinking. So even though I realize it's a difficult thing to do, you really need to eat when you're hungry and listen to your body's signals. You can see what the result was when you didn't do that.

Others have given their thoughts on the scale, and I'm glad to see that you've decided to go the app route just to see the overall pattern.

The other day I did weigh for a specific reason, and the number was about where I thought it would be. It didn't affect me in the least. But the next day I put on a belt, one where I went between the first and second hole, never beyond, and to my great surprise I went to the third hole with a little room to spare! That was shocking. I've never been able to get it to the third hole - not even since I bought it a few years ago. What here on 3FC they'd call an NSV (non-scale victory).

The number on the scale - although slightly down from over a month ago (when I last weighed) - would never have indicated that would have happened. That's why scales are so unreliable.

Originally Posted by Xena2013 (Post 4718706)

Thanks so much to everybody!!!

I think I will go for the daily weighing, but use an app to just see the up and downs over a longer period of time. My therapist did that with me once and it worked great. After seeing that every high was followed by a low eventually I stopped freaking out. I am not even sure why I ever stopped it.