I'm just now experiencing what I think is the biggest, baddest binge of my entire life, in something like 6 years of binge eating, which is really saying something!

After sneaking binges for the past year since being married, I've been on my own this week and just totally flew off the hook. I've been eating practically non-stop from the time I wake up to the time I finally fall asleep with the taste of food still in my mouth, except for the times I'm going to the store to buy more. Throwing out my accumulated binge trash, I counted 13 half gallon ice cream containers plus several more pints, a few boxes of cereal and bags of fruit cores, and that doesn't count the regular meals or random stuff out of the fridge and from the cabinets.

I honestly truly thought I had it under control, but obviously I was so, so wrong, and I admit I need help to deal with this.

Sorry for basically a whiny vent post, but I'm not sure what else to say, and felt like getting it out there at least!

It is definitely hard to keep things under control. I have the same problem but only in the evenings when watching tv. I can't seem to just sit and watch I need to be eating.

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I hope you can recover one day and be at peace.

I'm sorry you're struggling

Thanks guys for your comments! Helps just be to heard.

It sucks, but its been kind of a good wake-up call, I guess. I'd gotten pretty complacent about my binge eating, but now I can see just how bad it is....

Mottainai- have you thought about what's eating you? Do you know what feelings you are trying to stuff away with food and why? Having a party for one is not really all that fun is it? Of course eating all the yummy things is fun to an extent, but afterwards you look and feel like $hit for binge eating & a bloated face & belly & then the guilt sets in and your up in lbs on the scale and that puts you in even a pissier mood. Believe me, I get it, I have been down the binge path before, it truly sucks having disordered eating or an eating disorder whichever way to look at it.

BED is a serious problem, even if you are not overweight, you are damaging your body by eating this way. Maybe it is time to seek professional help? Or at least come clean to your husband, keeping secrets is not cool in a marriage. What if he was suffering inside with something similar, wouldn't you want to know? You don't have to go it alone, you need a good support system.

I know binge eating is a vicious cycle and in my honest opinion, the only way to get out of it is to stop restricting ANY foods period, that is the bottom line. Yup, you have to let go of the all or nothing attitude & trying to eat perfect clean, and don't think of food as good or bad anymore. People binge because they are always on a diet and depriving themselves of what they really want. Of course you can eat perfectly clean depriving yourself of everything you want or love for awhile and then all **** breaks loose eventually when go off your diet and you binge badly time and time again on the foods you don't allow yourself. Am I right? The only way to beat this binge cycle is you have to incorporate the forbidden foods back into your daily diet, you decide whether you need them daily, weekly etc., but portion these foods out in a reasonable amount and once you do this, you will not binge on them, because it is not a forbidden food any longer. It takes practice, but it can be done. Go ahead Monttainai have some icecream, but work it into your plan of healthy eating, have a cup of icecream for dessert each day or a few times a week, so you don't feel deprived and albeit you will less likely to go off by yourself eating gallons of icecream anymore because you are having it as part of your moderate diet. You can do this, Monttainai- you just have to trust yourself. You are very tiny, despite your binges, but if you deprive yourself too much, you can veer in the other direction and become anorexic, you do not want that for yourself either. Teetering on any ledge is not a healthy place to be, best of luck to you! You can do this, I am rooting for you! ~ Wendalyn

Thanks so much for the long and thoughtful post!!

Honestly, binge eating is just a habit for me now. It may have started out as something physical or emotional, but now it's just a very very addictive bad habit. /:
My husband does know that I struggle. When I say binging in secret, I mean that I do it not in front of him, but obviously he can tell what I've done and I often end up telling him about it (whining about it) anyway.

I can tell its not good for my health, that's for sure. It may not be too bad now, but as I get older and keep it up, I'm sure ill start seeing some very bad effects soon enough!

I really need to find a way to keep up my motivation to want to stop. I tend to fall back, after not binging for a bit, of thinking its totally okay to do, it's fun, got it under control, whatever.... It's only after these episodic huge awful binges that I start wanting to quit!

Of course this is a bad habit that you continue to do, it is like a part of ritual that you enjoy to an extent and get a charge out of the rush so to speak. Einstein has said it best, INSANITY- Doing The Same Thing Over And Over Again And Expecting Different Results!
You have to break the pattern/ritual, stop the insane behavior and try eating normal portions of these foods. It is such an expensive waste of money being spent on excess food as well. Do you have bulimia? Or exercise bulimia - meaning you workout out for hrs to burn off the calories you consumed? Glad your husband knows you have food issues. You are fortunate to be able to eat all of these goodies to your hearts content and you still look model thin, however oneday the weight will probably catch up to you. Hope you can break the ritual, try starting today and do it one day at a time, habits are hard to break, but if you instill a new normal habit, that too shall stick! Good Luck!

I'm sorry, Mottainai!!! I truly can empathize and I know how awful it feels when the dust starts to settle after a binge and the awful reality sinks in.

Is there anything that has worked for you in the past that has kept bingeing at bay or at least at a minimum? If there is, start with that.

I do agree with the person who suggested incorperating the forbidden foods into your day/week. That's the key for me . . . at least until I can find another way that works. I've been BF for about five weeks now (and losing weight) because I allow myself to eat whatever I am craving for lunch (burgers/chips/pizza -- nothing is off limits) and severely restrict my dinner/breakfast. I am by no means claiming that's the healthiest way to go, but it does stop my bingeing, which I have to do if I ever want to get this extra weight off. I wish Ihad better advice or could offer some other type of encouragment, but just know you're not alone and I do understand how awful it can feel after a major binge. YOu will feel better after you detox/debloat and get a few BF days under your belt. Hang in there!

I can definitely relate and I feel your pain. . I've been there. Many times.

After having lived the all-or-nothing, good/bad philosophy and seeing it fail, I am totally on the non-deprivation bandwagon. If you are craving something, it could be a sign that our body needs it. And building up those cravings and constantly denying them can lead to a massive binge.

Wishing you the best.

First, you know that all of us who reply have been (or are still going) down this road with you. I have seen several suggestions about incorporating the items that you binge on into your diet. And, eventually, you may be able to do that. For me, I'm still at the point where if it's in the house, I'll fix the approved 1/2 or 1 cup serving. And then I'll follow that up with the rest of the container. I simply can't have anything that I binge on in the house.

But, I also knew that if I never had sweet or salty again that my weight efforts would fail. First I set up a bunch of "rules" to try to at least control my binges which occur for me between 8 and 10 PM. First, I get ready for bed immediately after dinner because that way I have to get dressed to go to the grocery store and usually it's just long enough to make me think about what I'm doing plus I'm lazy. I also brush my teeth at this point. Again with the lazy -- I don't want to have to do it again because I've eaten something I wasn't supposed to. Third, I now have a rule that if I'm eating, it has to be at the table with no book, no TV, no distractions. Get's pretty boring and I have found that I'll stop with what I'm eating.

But the biggest thing that has helped me is that I've developed a list of alternatives. For one thing, once I gave up the sugar laden foods, I found that fruits are just packed with natural sweetness and satisfied the sweet cravings. For salty, I grate some parmesan cheese, nuke it, and eat them like chips or crackers. Satisfies the salt cravings.

Part of our binge problem is that the sweet and salt tastes are ones that go way back in terms of human development. There's nothing we can do about them -- we like things that taste sweet and salty. And, unfortunately, food manufacturers know this and have intentionally made their products so that they have lots of sugar and salt in them. But, I read somewhere that in terms of satisfying a craving that 4 bites will do it. After that, the taste receptors sending signals to the brain have been satisfied. So, if I get to the point where I just have to have something -- and for me it's potato chips, ice cream, and chocolate -- then I'll go to the store and buy the smallest quantity of it I can. And, I try to stop after the 4 bites. Amazingly, the craving has passed.

This is long and rambling, but hope some of this helps. A lot of this journey is just finding what works for you. I'm hopeful that some day I can have a half gallon of ice cream in the house, but right now I have to satisfy those cravings with the sugar free ice cream bars. Hhmmmm -- just had a thought. I never eat more than one. Maybe buying something that is packaged in individual serving sizes would work.

Good luck and keep posting.

Count me in for the no-deprivation bandwagon!

Take a look at your plan. Not just now, but since you started losing weight. Was it, at any point, restrictive? If so, you might have suppressed the idea that one day your diet will be "finished" and you could be bingeing out of a sense of relief that the restrictive part was over?

Also, can you think of any underlying emotional reasons for the binge? I have been a binge eater for many years. I lived alone for so long that I could just order a Domino's delivery that could feed 4 people and eat it in one sitting, leaving myself feeling so uncomfortably full that I was in pain, I felt sick, and I started showing cold symptoms like runny nose, bleary eyes and a headache. I never could understand WHY I would do it. It seemed like my life was absolutely fine, but underneath it all I was an absolute people pleaser, and had let everyone walk all over me for so long that it never even occurred to me that how I was living was detrimental to me, or that it was connected to the bingeing. In the end, things got so bad I ended up with a counsellor. I started setting boundaries with people and after a while, I no longer felt the need to binge. It'll always be with me, that possibility, and I've just got over a small-scale depression-related binge, but I knew what I was doing. Maybe see a counsellor, just in case there's anything you're missing? They can go through it with you in a safe, non-judgemental, confidential environment. It's amazing the powers our minds have to gloss over problems and normalise things we don't like but don't know how to deal with. Us humans are so easily blinkered. I'm not saying that's always the reason, just an avenue that might be worth exploring.

Another thing is: do you think you do it purely because you love food? Because it tastes good and makes you feel a certain way? Food does taste good! Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream is brilliant. Donuts are tasty. Snickers bars are pretty damn good. But if they're causing you this much turmoil, they really need to be put in their place. I had this realisation one day, and I hope I can verbalise it the way I'd like to. IT'S ONLY FOOD. It's not an awesome, life-changing miracle like finding a million bucks stashed in your freezer. It's essentially just a bunch of molecules joined together that you put into your mouth. Big whoop-de-doo. It's just a load of ingredients that have been grown in the ground and/or manufactured in a factory, mixed together, and put into a container. Quite benign stuff, really. Feel free to look at food, not as the big bad ogre it can look like, but as pretty boring when you think about it. Try to look at it with disdain. Just like the age-old advice about speaking to people who intimidate you (imagine them wearing a ballerina costume and big, floppy, bunny ears or something), you need to show yourself that you really are above it. It's nothing special. It's a tub of ice cream! So ****? It's not like kryptonite, or diamonds or the Higgs Boson or whatever. Just food. And you only deserve the best! So do feel free to be quite disdainful of it if it seems too powerful. It's really not. It's just food.

I hope that doesn't come across as minimising the problem, that is ABSOLUTELY NOT what I'm trying to do. It's just a feeling I have tried to develop around former "trigger" foods to make myself feel superior to my enemy And it's helped me. I like to buy tiny boxes of about 4 chocolates from super-pricey, fancy chocolate shops now and again, because they are so beautiful that I can look down my nose at a bar of dairy milk quite easily. I am superior. And so are you!

And finally, sorry for being so wordy, but I've struggled with binge eating for years myself. There are so many hormonal things at play it is NOT a "lack of willpower". I hope you can start to make peace with food. There's always the possibility you'll binge again. Let that be ok. Have the love for yourself to know it's not that there's anything wrong with you, it's just that you like food / are an emotional eater / have messed up blood sugar / had a bad day / find the habit hard to break / know your body's hormones can be set against you at times / whatever, delete as applicable.

Thankyou for posting, you are by no means alone.

*hugs*

Love the part about getting out of bed and eating at the table. I have been eating at night while I'm in bed reading a book. I will do good all day, but as soon as night time gets her and I am in the bed...Wham!!!
The night time eating is bad with high calorie foods and lots of it. I even get out of bed to get more food. All in secret though. I am going to make that promise to myself that if I want to eat, I have to go to the table.

I am so saddened to read about your challenges. I wish you the best in overcoming this, and I know that you can achieve anything you want to!

I have so been there. When I'm alone at home is the absolute worst for me.