I just needed a place to write this down. This is going to be long, so forgive me, and thank you to anyone who reads this. I had a binge last night, and after a bad weekend of eating, I am now 3 lbs above the low weight in my ticker. Lately, I have been eating an average of 1200 calories per day and practicing intermittent fasting, eating my calories between approximately 1pm-7pm (I completely went off of my plan this Saturday-Monday). I also need to make the caveat that the unhealthy foods I will describe as having around my house are normally not there. We had several huge party/blow outs over Memorial Day Weekend in which I cooked up a storm and we baked and bought lots of desserts. We had so much food leftover that I have been serving it for dinners for my kids the last few nights, because I hate to throw away good food. However, to a food addict/binger, leftovers can be deadly! I guess I thought I had things under control.
Deconstructing a binge -
5/30/2012 6:30am - I wake up yesterday morning and have 2 cups of tea with raw sugar. Feel fine and go about my business until noon, while drinking about 2 bottles of water.
12:00pm - Start to feel really hungry so I make another cup of tea and drink another bottle of water, hoping to stave off hunger cravings until 1-2pm.
1:00pm - Starving, I eat about 8 ounces of salmon with mayo dill sauce, along with another bottle of water, which usually fills me right up. This time I am still hungry and craving ice cream. There is a soft serve ice cream shop not far from where I live that is calling my name. I think about having a strawberry greek yogurt to rid myself of the craving with a healthier option, but I don't want the carbs, and think I can ride it out. I also don't want to get into my car and travel to quench a craving, because that is getting myself back into old behavior when I used to drive around to pick up fast food/donuts/ice cream/bakery/grocery store items to satisfy my emotional hunger. I like going out for ice cream with my family or a friend every once in awhile, but going by myself to satisfy a craving seems pathetic to me now - considering my former behavior.
2:30pm - I sip ice water and still consider getting into my car to get ice cream. I go for a short walk with my dog instead. I come back home and see the stale boxes of brownies and cakes left over from our weekend Memorial Day celebration. I consider having half of a brownie or piece of cake, instead of driving out to get ice cream. I debate with myself which would have more calories or fat, the soft serve (which is ice milk) or the brownies. I decide that each have their downsides, and don't go for anything but more water and about 1/4 cup of blueberries.
4:00pm - I start pulling out weekend leftovers to heat up for my kids' dinner (lasagna, pizza, fettuccine alfredo), and also make vegetarian burritos. I eat 2 of the burritos right away with some water, and assume that will be my dinner.
4:30-5:00 - My kids come home and I plate up their food. I take bites, licks, and tastes of everything I put on their plates (if there is leftover pizza after passing them out, I eat it, etc.) As I open the refrigerator to get drinks, I see the boxes of cakes from the weekend. I feel my craving call out to me again. I take a bite of carrot cake, but it has nuts in it, which I don't like, so I end it with the one bite. I cut about 1/4 of a brownie square and eat that. I could have eaten more, but it is stale, and so I am able to close the box and walk away. I hope that will satisfy my sugar/carb craving.
6:00pm - My husband comes home and I plate up some food for him. As he sits down to eat, I take a piece of lasagna and some fettuccini and sit down to eat beside him, my third dinner of the night (1. burritos 2. leftover kids pizza 3. pasta with husband). I slice up some strawberries and take a slice of cheesecake for dessert. I clean up the dishes, feel disgusted with myself, take a glass of ice water to my room, and vow not to go near the kitchen or fridge again for the rest of the night.
5/31/2012 6:30am - I weigh myself to find that the scale reads 3lbs more than it did last week. I vow to do better today.
Looking back, maybe if I had just gone for the ice cream, or had the greek yogurt, I would have done much less damage than trying to deprive myself, and then exploding in the end. I don't know. Maybe I can't go from a weekend carb fest and it's residual cravings, and expect to go right back to IF, low carb, high protein eating. Maybe I need to ease back into it after a few days of eating off plan. I just don't know. I felt so out of control, and I hate thinking about food so much! When things are going well with my diet, I don't really have to stress about it too much. Last week, things were going so well. I guess I really blew it over the weekend and set myself up for a fall.
Thanks for listening, and here's to a better day today!
I dont know that I would consider that a binge, maybe more excessive emotional eating?
When I binge, its pretty much back to back to back eating....and I will be SO incredibly uncomfortable and sick to my stomach yet I'm in the kitchen plotting and putting together my next thing to eat.
I dont think you blew it, from where I'm sitting, I see you taking control back and trying to pinpoint where you may have slipped up to cause your binge.
I agree that that doesn't sound like a binge. I guess you feel bad because you normally only eat one meal per day, and this time you ate 3? 1200 calories sounds pretty low for your size; what did your "binge" calories add up to? If they added up to no more than your maintenance calories, i wouldn't worry about it and just get back on track tomorrow. FWIW, having that ice cream likely would not have helped. It might have just made you feel bad and caused you to binge more. In any case it's not worth stressing about after the fact, either way.
Okay, don't hit me ... and I'm going to confess that I know very little about intermittent fasting ... and I think intermittent fasting is probably a valid choice for many, many people ... but I wonder if it is right for you, at least at this point in your life. Because when you fasted yesterday, you seemed to build up a hunger that leaves you uncomfortable, distracted and craving, and when you let yourself eat, you have trouble stopping. My first reaction was to ask you if you'd consider having breakfast and lunch, until I re-read your post and saw the intermittent fasting you are practicing.
Just a thought ... as I said, don't hit me ... I know everyone has their own way of eating. But if this happens for you more than once, maybe that's something to take a look at?
ETA: This is important background for you to consider: I'm writing this as someone who suffered from anorexia, exercise bulimia and binge eating disorder successively, and who no longer binges. Yes, I don't do it anymore. Personally, I know I could never practice intermittent fasting from fear it would reactive some of my binge behavior. My eating would become a form of controlled bingeing. So maybe I am projecting on you.
Thanks for the replies. My calories yesterday added up to about 1700. Normally, I do calorie cycle throughout the week, ranging between 1200-1800 calories. However, this week I was trying to make up for a bad weekend of eating, and so, I really wanted to stick to 1200. I think the thing that scared me is that I really wanted to keep eating and eating and eating until I was sick. I haven't felt that way in a long time.
mammasita - thanks for your words...they do make me feel better and focus on the fact that I did fight to keep control, and somewhat succeeded.
surfergirl2 - usually I eat 2 healthy, high protein/low carb meals per day. Yesterday I ate one healthy high protein meal, and 3 unhealthy high carb meals! Thanks for chiming in about the ice cream not helping - at least I won't beat myself for not getting it.
saef - no hits here! I use IF as a way to break my plateaus. I was on a plateau for about 5 weeks, and using IF has helped the scale move. I usually don't use it as a long term way of eating. I have been doing it for the past 3 weeks, and it has helped me take off 5 lbs. However, if it going to lead to binges and the weight pops right back up, it's not worth it. However, I have been totally fine with it for the past 2 weeks. Even Tuesday was fine. I guess Wednesday, everything just caught up with me.
First, it was not a binge, but... you were hungry and weren't allowing yourself to eat. Eventually you will lose that battle and will just EAT to eat. Like a stale brownie when you could have had at least a tastier choice to spend your calories?
And the whole point of IF is to eat to fill your hunger. If you were still hungry after having salmon and mayo, then you should have eaten more then and there. You are supposed to eat all your calories in that time window - you have been starving for hours and hours, eating 300-400 calories is not going to do it for you...
Plus, having just tea with SUGAR in the morning is just going to get your blood sugar up and then crashing down. Skip the sugar.
Don't hit me either, but I agree with saef. Intermittent fasting is not for everybody. I think it may work well with people who don't have access to good food for long hours (because they travel, suppose), but being around food all day and not eating it though you are hungry takes a lot of will power and may lead to uncontrolled snacking, grazing and bingeing.
I also think that you should be eating around 1400 cals and not 1200. There are sites that help you calculate how many calories you should be eating. If you eat less, you will lose less, and probably binge. The danger of losing weight with fewer calories is that though you may lose more quickly, you will find it very hard to maintain the new weight afterwards...
Hope you sort things out soon and find your best eating plan!
I think the transition from weekend to strict plan may be partially to blame for what happened. What were you thinking? Were you resenting what you "have" to eat or your current plan? Do you often feel ravenous eating low carb?
berryblondeboys - Thanks, Melissa. You are right that I was starving and fighting not to eat. In my mind, I just felt like I had to play catch up from the weekend. Also, a big family reunion coming up is weighing heavily on my mind. I really want to be closer to my goal weight when this summer event happens. It's really messing with my head. As to the tea, I know that the sugar isn't the greatest option, but I hate plain tea with no sugar. For awhile I was drinking coffee with skim milk (I can't drink it black, and I stopped the sugar and cream, but needed at least some skim milk). I didn't lose any weight while drinking coffee and skim, while I did lose weight drinking tea with a few teaspoons of raw sugar. Since I enjoy my tea that way, and the scale started moving, I have been drinking it. However, it might be the partial cause of my cravings, so I will have to reconsider.
inglesita64 - It could be that IF just isn't for me in the long term. I have done it before, gotten some results, and then after a time found myself too hungry to sustain it for the long haul. I have probably hit my limit again now.
krampus - LOL! I like your question, "What were you thinking?" I wonder that too! I was thinking that I would get back on the wagon after an off plan weekend. Usually, a high carb diet makes me hungry, and a low carb/high protein diet keeps me full. Also, when I do eat lots of carbs, I go through a withdrawal period, where my body/mind keeps craving more a few days out. Honestly, that withdrawal phase alone is worth it to curb my carb intake. For sure, that is what has been happening to me.
I think after decadent weekends we (as dieters/weight conscious people) can be way too hard on ourselves, and that push for total perfection, restriction even, sets us up for binges.
I have to agree with several things others have said;
1. 1200 calories day to day is too low for you. You really arent doing yourself any favors by cutting so many calories right away. After all, if you have no place left to go (e.g. can't lower them any further) how do you progress from there? You need to slowly lower calories as your weight decreases. You said you've used IF to break plateaus, but that wouldn't be necessary if you took a more gradual approach to your caloric deficit.
2. IF is not for everyone. It's for those who need an easier way to fit eating into their lifestyle - the concept originated with bodybuilders using it as a way to eat large meals and feel satisfied while keeping calories low. Personally, I'm starving in the morning... so I eat. If you are hungry when you wake up maybe IF isn't the best approach for you. Nothing about IF is a magic pill for weight loss - its still calories in versus calories out. Meal timing and frequency has very minimal effect (if any) on fat metabolism and weight loss, despite what the magazines say. REAL SCIENCE says otherwise.
3. I also agree that starting off the day with raw sugar in your tea does nothing good for you. Sugar is in no way bad or responsible for weight gain in and of itself, but having straight sugar after a fast and then continuing to fast has got to make you ravenous!
4. Don't beat yourself up over 1700 calories! As I stated before, you are eating too little day-to-day as it is. 1700 is closer to what you should be eating each day (I would say 1800 is a better place to start). I know it's not so much the number, but the fact that you were trying to eat less to make up for a bad weekend, but that's just one more red flag; If you are genuinely hungry, you shouldn't try to restrict your calories to some obscenely low amount (Really, 1200 is far far too low for you) and set yourself up for failure.
5. It's ALWAYS harder to get back on track after a day or two of indulgence; it's not just in your mind either. Your body actually craves sugar and saturated fats after you OD on them, and it takes several days for most people to get over that hump. It's a very real, very physical reaction that can be incredibly hard to deal with. Don't punish yourself over feeling that way.
6. Next time you are feeling super hungry, fill up on veggies rather than just trying to cut yourself off. The meals you chose after your salmon were essentially pretty calorically dense, and you could have gotten a lot more bang for your buck if you had chosen a bit better right off the bat rather than trying to battle your hunger all day long.
7. Lastly, (and I really mean no offense by this) - why keep so much of the leftover food in your house? I understand that it was there for your family, but why not portion out a little bit of their favorites and toss the rest? There is nothing wrong with pizza, lasagne or brownies here and there, but if it's not good enough for you to eat every day, why is it good enough for your family? Wouldn't they all benefit from limiting their intake of those kinds of foods as well? Again, I don't mean that you should keep your family from that stuff because there is nothing wrong with any food in moderation, but maybe having a few slices of pizza is better than a whole pizza, or a couple brownies versus a whole pan of them. By doing that you're not only helping them, but by limiting the amount you have in the house it takes it from being "all these leftovers" to "the kids' few slices of pizza" or "the husband's carrot cake". That makes it their food, not yours... and you wouldn't eat food that someone else was keeping for themselves would you?
Just wanted to offer guacamole!
You are so right, leftovers are the worst!!!! On top of trying to get on track after a holiday weekend, etc... definitely a recipe for going off plan. And I was thinking what krampus said about the transition, and knowing how you 'should' be eating, but 'wanting' or resenting what you shouldn't. It only makes you want it more. AHH!! On top of that you were thinking about being really good and sticking to 1200, which made the food demons want to throw you off that trail. LOL
In any case, definitely don't beat yourself up over 1700 calories ... it could have been far far worse. With some exercise that's a darn good day to most!
Hang in there. Hope the numbers quickly move the other way for ya!
Looking all of this over, I think that I need to give up the IF. It just isn't working for me in the long run. I also think I need to give up the sugar in my tea. I also think that I need to keep to a lower carb diet even over the weekends, when I normally indulge and don't limit myself. I am happy keeping my average daily calorie intake where it is, simply because I work off of a weekly average of calories rather than a daily count. While I try to stick to 1200 calories per day Monday-Thursday, my calorie intake Friday-Sunday is more like 1800-2000 calories per day. I have been sticking to this for the last 5 months or so, and it has worked for me. I normally don't feel hungry/cravings unless it is PMS time and/or I
overdo it on carbs/sugars. I still feel really hungry today. So far I had tea with sugar (this was before I posted this thread!) and greek yogurt. I have some grilled chicken breast and spinach that I am going to make for lunch, plus maybe some homemade chicken soup that's boiling on the stove. I think it is going to be a few days before my appetite settles down from all the carbs I have eaten. Ugh.
guac, I know with kids it is impossible to NOT keep leftovers, I think You did really well only ending with 1700 calories. For me, IF is about eating to fill the hunger when you are in your window, I think you did just that, and I don't see any problem in it. Also you COULD NOT have gained 3 lbs from anything but the weight of the food.
3 lbs =3500 calories ABOVE your maintenance x3. You did not come anywhere near that.
I will have to disagree about the no sugar in your tea, I use domino light and use 1/4 tsp in my tea in the morning, it keeps me sane, and to me does not break the IF protocol when I do it. Lean gains says no more than 50 calories. I used to sip on green tea and a little cream and sugar on my IF days and saw a complete transformation in my body structure.
I also have to add IF is more of a structured binge type lifestyle and it really is not for everyone, plus you need to break from it for it to be effective.
I love your plan of 1200 during the week, and higher calorie for 3 days, sounds like calorie cycling to me, you could even go to 1500 or 1600 for M-F and it will still be effective.
Deconstructing a Binge
guacamole!
