For years I've let my mom know that I have an eating disorder. I've lost weight, gained weight, been depressed, been happy etc.....

The issue has come up again as the focus of my mother's worrys

"I just want you to be healthy - diabetes runs in the family"

Ok, I can understand her concern, but when I try to literally convince her that there are deeper emotional problems beyond my physical appearance - it's a lost cause.

Here's a portion of my mothers email reply to me

I always believed there is such a thing as “binge eating disorder”. What I refused to accept was that you have it. Nobody in my side of the family has it but your father’s side, Rosie’s 2 girls are extremely obese and I am sure they have this BED.

Apparently binge eating is hereditary and I shouldn't have it because nobody on her side of the family does

Does anyone else have family members that think like this?

Ugh, that is so frusterating!!! I honestly haven't told my family for this exact purpose. They are very old school & refuse to believe these type of things exist & god forbid I suffer from it! Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but to them my weight is simply my fault because I eat too much. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang tough & try to not let it stress you out.

Yeah it's hard to let people in. I love my family too, just so frustrating that she won't allow herself to believe that there is more to what's going on than just simply "losing weight"

Yeah, my mom's like that sometimes (not about binge eating, since that's not one of my probs, but about other things). It's okay. I just make a mental list of all the reasons that that sort of response is ignorant, illogical BS and try to avoid discussing the topic with her in the future, since that sort of response is usually indicative of something that she can't or won't deal with. Do you think your mom might feel like she's somehow responsible for your eating issues?

Yes my parents roll their eyes a bit. My mother just thinks I need to eat less (oh wow, why didn't I think of that??) and my dad is not happy that I've sought therapy because he doesn't believe in "psycho babble." It's hard enough to accept the fact that we have an eating disorder, it's completely horrifying that most people think we're making up the existence of this disorder as an excuse to over eat.

My mom is weird about my weight, too. Usually she is less direct about it, though, which can be just as annoying. We'll go out to lunch or something, she'll eat four bites of food and declare, "Oh, wow! I'm soooooo full! That's enough to keep me going for the rest of the day. I don't even need to eat dinner, now!" Honestly, she's always been VERY thin (too thin, according to her doctors, who keep telling her to gain a little weight so she won't get osteoporosis), and I think as she gets older as she is trying not to put on any weight she's developing some unhealthy attitudes about food. We went to a salad-bar type restaurant the other day and she walked up to me with a plate of salad about the size of an apple. She said, "Oh, this is plenty for me!" I said, "Mom, that's NOTHING. That's not enough food for a bird." She said, "Well, yours stomach is only about the size of your fist!" Which is supposedly true, but I don't really think it works that way! That doesn't mean I can get full off of a fist full of lettuce!

I really have to not talk to her about dieting/food/weight. It just gets under my skin. Not talking about it really helps our relationship, and now when she says weird things about her eating I just kind of let them roll off. Is that an option for you?

Hey Dezzie - Yes its definitely an option for me. I choose not to talk about it with her and just "listen" when she brings it up. It just gets under my skin.

You have to understand that denial is a powerful coping mechanism. And her denial is about her need to cope, not about you. You don't can't force her to understand.

My husband inherited a joint disorder from his mother, and when he was 17 he was told that he would be in a wheelchair by the time he was 35 (He's 40 and only sometimes needs to walk with a cane).

His mother prefers to believe that all of his health issues are a result of his weight (because then she's "not to blame," I suspect).

I have health issues that my parents don't understand either. They have heaps of advice that is ridiculously simple and unrelated to the "real problem." Making it an "easy problem" in their mind, makes it less serious and scary for them.

It's frustrating, but you've got to remember that this is their issue, not yours.