[autumnally]

I recently graduated from uni and I gained about 20 lbs from all the partying. I decided to get back to my previous weight which I was very happy with. All year i've been treating myself very well - exercising 4 to 5 times a week, eating a clean diet, even cutting out most red meat. I felt amazing, better than i've ever felt. I gained a lot of muscle and endurance, eventually losing those 20 school pounds.

Since I was restricting my eating (1200 cals a day? probably less), and exercising so much, I kept losing weight. I'm 5'9ish and I was down too 110lbs! Way too skinny, I even lost my period. So, wanting to stay healthy, I took it upon myself to increase my eating and gain some weight before it turned into a problem. But then all of a sudden..BAM! ..new problem.

Ever since upping my calories i've just been bingeing. I try to stay in my cal range (which I upped to 2000), eating full meals of healthy foods, with chocolate (my fave!) and some sweets allotted into my cals to reward myself - but I end up bingeing uncontrollably. Like whole jars of peanut butter, 3 bowls of cereal, maybe a sandwich and chocolate syrup straight from the bottle bingeing! God forbid there's ice cream or cookies in the house, I can eat all of them. Sometimes I find myself just putting mayo on bread.. A MAYO SANDWICH! I don't even know who this person is! Sometimes I eat more than 2000 cals just before bed, ontop of my normal intake.

Of course after a binge I restrict or exercise. I'm stuck in this circle of wanting to gain weight, but healthy weight - not a whole package of oreos as an appetizer weight. I've gained 10 lbs already, which is good, but I fear it may never stop at this point. My belly is always bloated I look like a child from Africa! The weight just goes straight there, nowhere else. It looks so unnatural.

Happens everyday ..feel like it's unbeatable..

[JessLess]

I feel really badly for you. Are you finding post-school stressful? I think your issues are a little more than I could attempt to try to advise on so I STRONGLY suggest that you see a therapist who specializes in disordered eating. I'm not saying I think you have a disorder, it just seems like the best, safest way to get good advice. I hope you feel better. (HUG)

[ravensglen3]

It sounds like what you are doing is perfectly normal, to be honest. Your body is starving-- underweight-- and it is doing everything it can to gain weight back to where it feels safe. I, too, lost my period due to a too-low body weight for a while, and the ONLY thing that helped me stop bingeing was to gain weight to a normal weight (in fact, I had to gain ABOVE what I had originally been) in order to get my period back, AND you will only stop feeling the urge to binge once you are back at a normal weight. I only binged when I was underweight. Now that I am a normal weight, I do not binge. Trust me, this is your body's way of surviving... it knows it is underweight and it fears malnourishment and starvation. Allow yourself to eat whatever you want- unrestricted- and the bingeing will pass once you are a normal/healthy weight again for YOUR body.