[sweetsmmr91]

So I spent the last month or so eating. I'd spend a couple days dieting, a couple days eating and I kept saying "whatever, I have the rest of my life to lose the weight, I can just eat one more day of normal food". It is extremely difficult because I'm the kind of person who can't just indulge a little, I binge quite a bit, and I do it thinking "well tomorrow I'm going back on my diet, and I won't be able to eat sweets again for a while.." I'm so disappointed because I've been doing extremely well for the past year. But then I think about it, and losing 150 pounds in a year was an accomplishment, and so what if I had a little set back? It's summer, I'm twenty, and you only live once. But I also have come to the realization that living doesn't require snack/junk food. Or drinking with college friends. I can live life just as much on healthy food, spending time with my friends in a healthy (and legal!) way.

But in case my mindset doesn't stick (it WILL this time!) I've plastered skinny people* everywhere.. Seriously. My fridge.. covered. I think it's helpful actually, because it really does remind me, when I'm going to open the doors looking for something unhealthy, it's not worth it. Although I realize it probably comes off a little mentally... unstable. My dad seems to think I have serious issues. But I think it just kind of freaks him out to have women stuck to basically every surface of his kitchen. And women's clothes. When his buddies come over I think he will have some explaining to do. Oh well! Bahaha!

*side note I do not actually expect to be that skinny, that beautiful (they're airbrushed!), or that well, whatever. Nor do I really want to be. I just want to wear their clothes, really. And wear them well.

Anyways, I've committed to not buying any cute clothes until I lose all the weight. It's gym clothes only! I am going to have to make do with the clothes I have for cute clothes. Plus I figure if all I can buy is gym clothes, then all I'll have to wear is gym clothes, then maybe I'll actually do something like, I don't know.. go to the gym.

Wish me luck -- AGAIN!

Oh! And here's a few pictures! Just because I can't sleep.

My fridge! I wasn't kidding! I think the woman in the navy blue dress in the middle has my dream body. And that full length dress is the bridesmaid dress for my sisters wedding (only not in that horrible color).

AND for those of you who like baby animals (hopefully everyone in the world), meet my new pony that has yet to be named! Suggestions?!

My motivation to get the bike out (I don't actually ride with Penelope in the basket for fear of breaking her head if/when I eventually fall off my bike)

Bridesmaid dress.. almost exactly like the one we ended up getting.. so I have to make it look good by October 15th. Scary! PS I think that might be a better angle than I really am.. but I have this weird weight-loss vision that makes my perception.. confusing. Anyone else have that?

Oh, and these are said work out clothes. Goofy picture, but look at my pup! Cutest thing in this world right? (pardon the crazy eyes.. reminds me of this episode of How I met your Mother I just saw.. awkwwwward)

Any staying on track suggestions? I'm 99.9% positive I am BACK on the dieting track... but I'd love some advice to keep me this way!

[triasa]

Great pics. Thanks for sharing them.

Everybody tries lots of motivational things until they find the one that works/sticks. How can your Dad understand when his goals are not yours--to fit into cute girly clothes. He loves you and only wants the best for you. Whenever my family doesn't seem to understand me, I remember this.

Something that helps me is I ask myself, why do I want to eat? Am I hungry? No? Then what's bugging me? Is there another way to face this than to eat? And then I remind myself of a Bible verse: Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning. It reminds me that joy will return after this, that I may have to suffer through it a while, though.

And then I either cry and get out my frustration, or I use binge control: I don my earplugs and eye mask and lay down and eventually I'll sleep. And when I wake up, I'll be more refreshed so that I can look at my dilemna in a more optimistic light. I mean, if I have time to binge, I have time to nap, right?

Like I said, we each gotta find our motivational thing that works/sticks.

[ToriJ]

Ok the posting pictures of healthy looking women is not "crazy" and I actually reccommed this! I did it the first time I lost weight and each time I reallly get "off track". My husband thinks I'm crazy, but at least now the pictures I put up are of me, the me I want to be again! It is VERY helpful to walk away from the fridge or pantry and re evaluate if I am really hungry or if my ED is hungry. BTW the bridesmaid dress is gorgeous!

[philana]

Your post just really makes me feel positive! Hihi. Love your pictures.

It sounds like you are back on track and doing great. And have already done AMAZING. (like: WOW!) I don't think with all the energy that just radiates from your post that you are a person that is gonna fail at what she wants to do. So, goodluck with it!

[habakuktwo]

Wow you've made a lot of progress to be down from 300. Good job on being back on track. Dieting can be a bit much and sometimes a break is needed.

[sweetsmmr91]

345 And thanks so much!

I think you're right, the break was needed.

I highly recommend the pictures on the fridge. So far, no slip ups. I also have it set as the background on my phone and it works fabulously!

Plus the fact that the garden is producing tomatoes (finally) makes everything much easier!