[fullhouse]

Hi all! I'm back to wrok today after being out for about a week. There is a nasty strain of flu this season and my kids all caught it. I was feeling pretty lucky and also cocky that I hadn't been sick yet this season, and sure enough, Sunday afternoon started to feel yucky. Its respiratory, but it lingers forEVER! I felt like I was going to cough up a lung at one point. (sorry for the graphics!) Anyway, the eating is pretty status quo, but with this virus, I haven't done any exercise for over a week now, and I feel really sluggish and boggy.
Also, I looked into the Prozac thing with the PMDD, and took it last month. It made a real difference for me. Cravings aren't as bad and no moodiness to speak of really. I'm usually very weepy, etc but didn't have that at all.
The board has been quiet lately...where are you all? Don't avoid posting if you're not doing well, even if you ate your way to the moon and back, keep posting and sharing. That's real support..when you can be there for someone when they are not doing well. Who really needs support if they are perfect??

[gymnut]

im so glad you posted
i was going to also!!
you are right, this board has been DEAD!
anyways, my excuse is that i started my new job and have been SO busy getting adjusted, and frankly way too lazy/tired to post.
but im going to make a point of posting at least twice a week, promise.

my eating has been slipshod lately, good news, ive been waiting till im hungry, but eating past full, which i dont like
my life has been so full of interesting stuff that i have pushed the food issue to the back burner.
today i went to the seattle zoo and had a great time. im trying to fit a zillion things into my day since i started working and its wreaking havoc on my eating habits.
my goal for tommorrow is to really tune in to my feelings and listen to that little voice that says , enough.
anyways, hope to see some more action on here,
love to all, wendy

[eg with an M]

Hey gals, I'm still around, but haven't been able to post much because we have adopted a 10wk. old Sheltie puppy for our daughter. I feel like I have a newborn again!!

I have been trying to eat healthier by following the example my Godmother provides for her clients because she is a nutritionist. So between trying soemthing somewhat structured (not a diet) and eating when I am hungry things are going pretty good.
I think winter is a hard time because you get all the holiday indulgence, then you get the winter flu bugs (sometimes 2 or 3 times) and then try to do/not do the "New Years" resolution work. So in turn you don't feel up to physically moving your body. I lost track of demand eating and began eating and drinking more reactively and got into trouble. By consciously eating more fruits and veggies and drinking H2O I am feeling better...my godmother stresses HEALTH, not weight loss. She was receptive to the demand feeding philosophy and thought it was a great way for someone with an ED to overcome fear of food and body image distortion.
Something she did mention that made sense was to look at eating like feeding a newborn.. you start with cereal, fruits, then vegetables and protien, and then work on incorporating the balance of the other stuff. I guess it is "babying myself" ha!

Anyway I think it is great that we are still working on this monster and whatever works as long as it isn't fu***d up dieting and binging that is out of control. Time to play with the pooch, Have a great week and I'll try to post more,even to just catch up and chit chat with y'all! Missed ya fullhouse & gymnut!- Meg

[Jennelle]

Yeah...it has been quiet! I've been busy as h-e-double-toothpicks with school, and had a big health scare with my son. They thought he had muscular dystrophy, but it turned out to be something called polymyelitis, which is just an inflammation of the skeletal muscles caused by a virus. He's fine now. Also, I'm experiencing "parent's revenge" with my daughter. She'll be 12 in May, thinks she is the center of the universe, and is convinced that the only reason I had here was to make her my personal slave. AARRGGGGHHHH!

I have been doing downright crappy as far as food goes. I've been fighting with the "good/bad" mentality, plus the "going on a diet on Monday" mentality. You know...that's when you eat everything that's not nailed down over the weekend because you're going to start being "good" on Monday. I don't like the way I look or feel, but part of me says that if I REALLY had a problem with it I would be doing something to fix it. It's a little bit of the guilt thing, I guess...

Anyway, I've got Shakespeare to read (not so bad..I've got the world's greatest professor, seriously!). More later,

Jennelle

[fullhouse]

Jenelle,
As I was reading your post, an idea came into my head....
What about if you broke it down into really little goals or behaviors to work on. Instead of the broad thing of eat when hungry, stop when full,maybe that's too big right now and you are subconsciously shooting yourself in the foot. Concentrate on
ONE thing like:
drink 6-8 glasses of water a day, OR
eat only at the table, and with no distractions (no car, at the stove, in front of TV) This increases your mindfulness about eating, but not to increase your guilty feelings, but just to observe yourself as an "experiment.", OR
slow down the pace of eating...this is with smaller bites, chew longer, taste the food and savor it, sips of H2O between bites, put down the fork. This also helps mindfulness and decreases the zoning feelings while eating.
Eventually add another and so on....if you're going to eat, at least increase your focus and participation to decrease the mindlessness and "escapey" feelings when eating.
Let me know if this helps!

[Jennelle]

Fullhouse...

That's a good idea. The only problem I run into is it turns into things like "I won't eat any cookies today." Do you think that that's self-destructive? Or do you think that, for me, those are acceptable goals right now?

Jennelle

[melomil]

Jenelle,

This is my 2 cents . . .

I think setting goals is fine, depending on the type of goals you're setting. I think you hit the nail on the head with your "I won't eat any cookies today" example. I'll bet I've set such goals a thousand times in my lifetime and I've never been able to stick to them because doing so puts me on the perimeter of normality. I begin getting resentful because my "naturally thin" friends get to eat cookies when they want, so why can't I?

I think the goals to set for yourself are goals that bring you closer to normal eating. For example: For years I've had the on-again, off-again goal of eating slower because I knew that I "should" be doing it so that my meal would last the requisite 20 minutes until my brain "registered" that I was full. After reading "Seven Secrets of Slim People," where the authors tell you to put your fork down between bites not to make you eat slower to lose weight, but to help you to fully savor the taste of what's in your mouth, the result is that I'm eating slower. I guess this is just a long way of saying that I really think goals that place arbitrary "rules" on you are bound to fail. Goals that that bring you toward normal eating are the only kind, I feel, that are destined to work.

[fullhouse]

Jenelle,

I think that any goal that has to do with a quantity of food is going to set you up to fail. At least that has been my experience. It's that whole deprivation thing.
Pick something that will work for you with the ultimate focus (not goal) of becoming MORE MINDFUL of what you are doing. No restricting or eating "healthy" to save calories....celery is better than chips, etc.
As I have said before, I have learned to nurture and calm myself with food. It doesn't matter the emotion..I react with the same behavior. I found that when I began to think more about addiction and dependency and what purpose alochol or drugs serves to a person, I was able to link myself to this mindset by thinking of food as my drug of choice. Just like its not "better to drink beer vs. whiskey" or "use pot vs heroin" it is the INTENT of the eating not the food used. You can have an unhealthy relationship with food even though its carrots!! Step back from the pressurized feelings and try to "sit with yourself more"...begin to think about adding forms of healthy calming/coping/nurturing strategies for yourself. Again, not with the focus of worrying about how much you are eating or not eating, but beginning to see this as a long road of recovery. It also helped me to look back into my life and remember how the food thing became my coping mechanism. It's not something that happens in 2 weeks obviously, so over the years I have become very ingrained and dependant upon this method of coping. But that's all it is...ONE method of coping! Think about the idea of ADDING to your life rather than subtracting. You are doing the best that you have learned how to do over all of these years.
I tend to have an all-or-nothing view of food, so I really have to be on the alert for thoughts, situations, people that will trigger thoughts of DIETING. It sets me up to feel guilty or bad about myself and that is really nothing more than my mind fighting to stay in its familiar rut. We tend to fight doing something in a new way. My mind is familiar with deprivation and excess, rather than the concept of being patient and loving with myself.
Hope this helps. Hang in there, girl...

[melomil]

fullhouse,
I loved reading your last post -- it's just so on target for all of us who have eating disorders. I've just been examining my eating and the reasons for it for about a month and a half, after becoming totally disgusted with dieting (I was on WW). I realize that I, too, have used eating to relax and comfort me. After reading Geneen Roth's Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating and another book entitled Seven Secrets of Slim People, I've been trying to eat only when hungry and stop when satisfied (not full). I love it, but it's been so difficult. Thus far, I've filled all my "gaps" with food (i.e., using it to celebrate, relax, comfort me, etc.) and now I'm struggling to handle those feelings and/or situations without food. I know it will be a tough journey and I've already been tempted many times to just go back to dieting. Although dieting (i.e., following someone else's idea of what you should/shouldn't eat) is actually tougher, it often seems easier than eating fr/ hunger because I'm so used to it. However, I know that I can't go back to dieting because it's destructive for me in the long run.

Sorry to drone on, but I guess your post was kind of an "Ah ha!" moment (as Oprah would say) for me and I felt the need to comment.

[fullhouse]

Melomil,

It amazing how similar all of our stories really are. For most of my life as a teen and adult I have been programmed to believe that I am weak-willed and just needed more "willpower". As alcoholism used to be treated as though the person needed more willpower, now the research indicates that it is actually a physical disease and not just a "mental health issue". I believe that eating disorders are very heavily influenced by our environment, but would not be surprised if a physical diagnosis would appear in the future. I know that now they have to "code" ED treatment in the OCD/depression realm, but as the public becomes more aware of this being a legitimate problem, I believe that insurance companies will follow.
Unfortunately, the public is very strongly controlled by the media. I saw on the news that small breasted women are now taking non-FDA approved bovine ovary stuff. The woman said she knew that there may be side effects that are unknown, but she will take it anyway.
As I was reading your post, I thought that a new thing for me to start to look at is what triggers me to have thoughts of dieting...Is it a commercial, something someone said, etc. I have a feeling that it is not an external event that triggers me, but my own historical baggage that I trip over!
I have done a bit of reading and have been in treatment for about a year and a half, but still struggle. It's a complicated issue and for those that are fixating on the dieting thing (yes this is hard work!) it may be that it is not the right time for you. I really can't describe what it is this time that has made it "work". I think that I am so relieved to know that I am NOT failing according to societies standards, but have been struggling with a real disorder.
My sister is also overweight and has done about every weight loss thing that there is. I gave her one of Geneen Roth's books and she began calling me and feeling so excited at this new insight! However, she is also under a great deal of stress in her life and demand eating feels like too much energy is needed to do this psychological work right now. Unfortunately she also feels like she wants to be smaller too, so she has now jumped on the dieting wagon again. She is following the Subway diet, and eats nothing but subs lunch and dinner. I feel so frustrated that the whole world can't see the cause and effect nature of dieting....how can someone realistically expect to live their life eating subs forever? Real and lasting freedom comes by"gradually learning to eat NORMALLY".
Keep your chin up!

[fullhouse]

Melomil,

It amazing how similar all of our stories really are. For most of my life as a teen and adult I have been programmed to believe that I am weak-willed and just needed more "willpower". As alcoholism used to be treated as though the person needed more willpower, now the research indicates that it is actually a physical disease and not just a "mental health issue". I believe that eating disorders are very heavily influenced by our environment, but would not be surprised if a physical diagnosis would appear in the future. I know that now they have to "code" ED treatment in the OCD/depression realm, but as the public becomes more aware of this being a legitimate problem, I believe that insurance companies will follow.
Unfortunately, the public is very strongly controlled by the media. I saw on the news that small breasted women are now taking non-FDA approved bovine ovary stuff. The woman said she knew that there may be side effects that are unknown, but she will take it anyway.
As I was reading your post, I thought that a new thing for me to start to look at is what triggers me to have thoughts of dieting...Is it a commercial, something someone said, etc. I have a feeling that it is not an external event that triggers me, but my own historical baggage that I trip over!
I have done a bit of reading and have been in treatment for about a year and a half, but still struggle. It's a complicated issue and for those that are fixating on the dieting thing (yes this is hard work!) it may be that it is not the right time for you. I really can't describe what it is this time that has made it "work". I think that I am so relieved to know that I am NOT failing according to societies standards, but have been struggling with a real disorder.
My sister is also overweight and has done about every weight loss thing that there is. I gave her one of Geneen Roth's books and she began calling me and feeling so excited at this new insight! However, she is also under a great deal of stress in her life and demand eating feels like too much energy is needed to do this psychological work right now. Unfortunately she also feels like she wants to be smaller too, so she has now jumped on the dieting wagon again. She is following the Subway diet, and eats nothing but subs lunch and dinner. I feel so frustrated that the whole world can't see the cause and effect nature of dieting....how can someone realistically expect to live their life eating subs forever? Real and lasting freedom comes by"gradually learning to eat NORMALLY".
Keep your chin up!

[melomil]

fullhouse,

I agree with your comments wholeheartedly. My sister is the one who first introduced me to Geneen Roth's book. However, at the time she was reading it, I didn't take much notice because WW was working so wonderfully for me then (you know how it is -- that "honeymoon" phase of a new diet program where you begin losing weight and everyone notices). She tried following Roth's advice for a couple of weeks but then just kind of gave up. When I finally got disgusted with dieting(after regaining about 10 lbs.), I read 7 Secrets of Slim People and sent it to my sister. This time something "clicked" and she and I both are committed to becoming normal eaters. As tempted as I am sometimes to go back to dieting, I keep thinking about the facts about dieting that are stated in 7 Secrets, i.e., that, in the long term, dieting will make you fatter and that even one diet can cause an eating disorder (once you factor deprivation into the equation, you never view food in quite the same way). I realized the authors are right. I'm certainly heavier now than when I went on my first diet and I certainly obsess about food (something I didn't do pre-dieting). I've spoken to so many women who, after years of dieting, express amazement when they reflect on the low weight they were when they started their first diet as opposed to their current weight. Another thing that really struck me was a quote they included in their book: "Ancient Chinese definition of insanity - Doing something over and over again and expecting it to turn out differently every time" (I'm paraphrasing).

Although I still often eat for nonhunger reasons, I really feel as if I've made progress in that at least I'm aware of why I'm eating. Also, I've become more aware of my body signals. Thus, I feel better about myself in that respect that I did a couple of months ago.

Thanks for your comments.

[fullhouse]

Sorry for the double print. I guess I got a little overzealous!

Where are you gymnut, eg with an M and Kymber?? Long time, no hear!!