The reason I have a problem with my weight is that I tend to be an emotional eater. I don't know how binging is actually defined, but I think of a binge as a time when I eat something I know isn't good for me because the temptation to make my tastebuds happy is much greater than my ability to confront my emotions at that time. I've been pretty good about not binging in a while and I've lost about 16 pounds since I started seriously making an effort to lose weight and change my body recently (to be honest, I've actually lost 23 pounds if you take into account my heaviest point ever, which was a year ago and which I like to pretend never existed). In part, choosing to make better food choices has helped. But, keeping an honest-with-myself journal has also helped me to avoid it. This week, though, I faltered a bit and I figured I'd confess my moments of weakness here.

I've been stressed out about financial hardship and academic obligations lately, and while I've been pretty good about channeling that into exercise and self-control, I did give in to a moment of weakness. I have been so stressed out that I'm not sleeping terribly well and so I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night full of anxiety. Usually, I drink a glass of water and go back to bed. But, twice this week, I chose to go into the pantry and eat chips instead.

I counted the chips and made sure not to eat more than ten because it amounted to 100 calories. They were the kind that used real substances and not just msg and hfcs and all that stuff, all ingredients that seem sensible, but, that doesn't make it better. My husband buys this sort of snack food, often, so we have it at home. While I've been trying to avoid junk food in general, I might occasionally take one or two bites to be polite if he offers (it builds up self-control, I think). I tried to justify it to myself by thinking that it was a controlled portion and occasional breaches in diet plans are just part of life. But, when I was tempted for the third night in a row, I had to accept that it was bad behavior.

On night three, I didn't eat any chips at all, but drank water and went back to bed. So, I guess I'm still in control, after all.

I wondered, though, do you ladies give yourself a cheat day? If you eat something you know you shouldn't, how do you try to make up for it? Would you consider a poor, but portion-controlled food choice a binge?

Cheat day: No. I (personally) do not like the idea of cheating. I don't like the word, and I don't like the idea of equating food with anything sneaky and bad. My most severe problem is with secret eating, and cheating is far too close in my mind to that. If I want something higher in calories, I will plan for it. A plan is not a cheat.

Make up for it: I don't really "make up" for anything. I simply take a deep breath and return to the normal plans ASAP! The next meal, the next step... I reverse directions and step back onto the healthier path.

Portion-controlled poor choice: For me that would not be a binge. That sounds much closer to planning out a treat. I'm allowed a treat occasionally, and having a slice of cake might not be the best use of my calories, but as long as I stick to the portion I planned on having then it is not a binge it is merely an occasional choice.

Thanks for your reply, Lovely.

I've never really thought about the concept of secret eating. It's new for me and I will have to look into it. I like what you're saying about not wanting to equate food with anything sneaky or bad, and also about not dwelling on mistakes or missteps. I've also never given much thought to planning out a treat. You've given me lots of ideas to consider as I try to revise my poor eating habits!

You're not binging, you're lightly emotional eating. Binging implies a lack of control. If you stopped at 10 chips, you're still the boss of you!

krampus, Thanks for clarification. I often think of emotional eating as binging and maybe it's just a different but related thing. I guess I felt like I'd lost control because I'd made a foolish choice and because I felt bad about it later. I'm seeing though, that even permitting myself to emotion-eat in a controlled manner makes me less likely to see when I'm losing control and eating too much. I think I still have a lot to learn about this process.

neon zephyr, it is my belief that you should never eat anything "to be polite." You lack of eating something should not make anyone else feel uncomfortable. I don't mean you when I say you, I mean me. If I eat something it's because either a) it's something I want, b)I want a treat or c) I've fallen off track (and possibly had a binge where I use food to numb my emotions and I often times don't even remember what I've consumed). I don't allow certain foods in the house simply because they are trigger foods. You may ask your husband for his support and have him keep these foods that tempt you away from your view and in a place where you won't find them, unless he's willing to take on a healthier lifestyle as well. Just my 2 cents.