Thankyou so much :)

I seriously have NO clue how I've managed to lose over 100lbs and while keeping my food addiction under control. Well, it was under control for over a year and now I feel like I'm going backwards. I think I'm at a point where I'm comfortable and my motivation/determination to lose has diminished. I'm so close to goal but can't seem to make it there, something about getting to the point of maintenance scares me.

Thanks so much for the support, I'm so glad I found this thread :)

I just worked out that I'm now on Day 16!!! I haven't made it past two weeks without a binge in a good while so I should be really ecstatic. Only thing is my weight is still up from where I'd like it to be and this stupid little voice keeps telling me that I might as well binge if not binging doesn't get my weight back down...
I've been talking with friends who keep insisting that when I got to my all time low I had lost too much weight and looked ill, and that now I've gained about 5 or so lbs back I look much healthier, but I can't help thinking they're just saying it to be nice. Realistically, my goal was 136lbs, I got down to 130lbs, but am now bouncing around and about 134-138. So I guess that I'm still technically at goal although I wish I could get back to the 130lbs. If I'm honest I think I'd be pretty happy to maintain at around 134lbs, but I'm really anxious when it's getting to 136lbs or above like it is now. I was 134lbs consistently last week for several days, didn't binge at the weekend although I did overeat a little, and this week I started at almost 138lbs and am at 136lbs today. I really can't explain it and it's so frustrating when the binge monster starts telling me that I might as well binge because "being good" isn't working.
The scale yet again has become an obsession which sets my mood for the day, and I know that I need to cut the ties with it, but I also know I can't stop weighing because I'm terrified that if I do the numbers will just keep going up and up without me being able to do anything about it. Ideally I'd like to go back to weekly weighing, but it seems impossible. One of my friends suggested I wean myself off them and go to weighing alternate days for a while, then every three days, and so on. I'd really like to try that but when it comes to the next morning I just can't not get on them scales! I know I'm waiting for the day when I'm really happy with the number so I can leave on a high, if that makes sense, but I also know that I still want to see that 130lbs again and no number able that is going to give me the high... I think I need to make some sort of deal with myself, pick a sensible number, say 134lbs and once I see that then start to make the transition. Can I do it? It remains to be seen...

Loving me: :yay: Congrats on getting past 2 weeks!!!! I remember that felt so great to me. That's when I really started to feel strong. Good for you!!! You should be really proud!!! :high:

:hug: I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. I can hear the frustration in your post and I understand. I just want to say that you're doing great by coming here and putting all of those feelings out there. That's what seems to help the most. I think the idea that your friend had about weening yourself off the scale is a great idea. It's so easy for us to get so caught up in what that number says. I, too, used to let it direct my mood and actions for the day. Like you, I had to sit myself down and have a long, hard, HONEST conversation with myself. I had to let go of the power that I thought the scale had over me. Realizing that the scale is only a tool to tell me how I am doing. I had to take responsibility and accept that my choices affect that number. I had to take that power back and know that as long as I am doing the right things, I WILL lose weight. It's inevitable. That was a very difficult pill for me to swallow, but once I did, things for me started to significantly change for the better.

I wish you nothing but success in your adventure. Remember to be honest with yourself but most of all, be kind to yourself. It's ok for us to have all of these feelings. As we live through and process them, without turning to food, it's then that we truly begin to heal and understand that silly binge monster and are able to take that power away from him.

Remember, we are ALL in this together! There IS strength in numbers! :grouphug:
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Day 283 here. :)

KimberlyP congratulations on your 100 pounds loss!!! you look like a model :) soo pretty. i could never guess that you weighed 250+ before. i checked your fb page and i think you're very brave to go public about your eating disorder. i could never tell anyone about it, even though it's pretty obvious. I was in your shoes too. as soon as i reached my goal i started binging, i was afraid of maintenance mode and then some really stressfull things piled up and quickly i was back up. don't make the same mistake i did. i regret it with all my heart. i'm in losing mode again, and avoiding people to see me like this.
i wish you luck.
today i baked some apple and chocolate bread and it came out perfect for the first time. almost all my baking attempts were untill now plain disasterbut i was so happy this time. i was very nervous how will i be able to control myself and for a second i thought that i could eat it all. but i resisted and ate three small pieces because i want to show it to my mom :) that's a huge achievement for me not to binge on my baked things. luckily my sister came home just in time and that also prevented me from binging.
i should start studying again but i just procrastinate online and hope to win a lottery tonight lol i think i'll go for a walk.

Day one


and


I feel like a failure.....yup that's pretty much what's going on with me......

desires, you lost a battle, but not the war...keep going.

I would definitely listen to vixsin, since she is the RULER of the binge free world!

missun, i wish procrastinate wasn't my middle name when it came to my studies.

ok completed my fast, and I haven't had solids since 12 am the day before. So...i am trying to figure out what to break the fast with. I have already had some green tea...know i need to be careful.

the scale dropped 4 lbs, but don't know if that will stick...I WANT IT TO...so binging would NOT be in my best interest.

Day 3

I allowed myself some chocolate raisins today, which I love. But is a food that I have often binged on. Managed to eat a small portion and afterwards didn't even crave to eat more.

Day 3 today though I am pretty sure the giant parfaits we ordered and gobbled up like wolves last night qualify as a binge. Everyone ate until we felt sick - normal eaters as well as people I know to struggle with food issues.

However, in the past I remember overeating socially and feeling gross but just letting it go. So I'm going to do that!

kimberly, ditto what everyone else said! i have trouble at my maintenance right now too...every time i get to it, i binge. i haven't been able to stay at maintenance for more then 2 weeks without binging. i think part of my problem is that i don't know how to return to normal eating now. my life the past year has been counting calories, exercising and eating less...so i'm not sure what to do once i get there, and in some ways it is easier to binge and then have to work it back off, even though i make myself miserable many times in the process.

lovingme, congrats on 2 weeks! i live by my scale a little too much too. although i have learned to take the ups and downs a little better now because i realize that so much goes in to how much i weigh. water retention and sodium and so many things play a part in your weight. i read somewhere that one should be happy with a 3 pound range. i think that is pretty fair.

jen, you are right about a loved one passing having a huge effect...i think what is interesting to me is that when my dad passed i had no issues with food. i tried to fill the hole i felt in other ways (adopted a lot of animals, and other semi-destructive behaviors), so i guess i am surprised this is the way i have been dealing with the grief from my mom passing. i must say some of my food issues from when i was a teenager were related back to things that happened with her, which is sort of interesting. i just wonder when i will stop looking at food as a way to fill the hole...

today was rough for me as i had many things just not go my way. also went to walmart when feeling vulnerable and really wanted to buy foods to binge on. but i made it through another day. so day 4! tomorrow and friday are my hubby's days off and i normally let myself have a day to eat off plan. i'm going to try not to obsess about it so much this time, and if i eat off plan both days hope to be able to roll with it. little things like eating off plan two days are what i need to be able to do to feel more normal and realize that eating a treat here and there is not going to make me gain weight. i just need to make it through those days and to my next weigh in to help myself realize this (i haven't been able to get there yet without binging). my goal for this week is also to eat a little more and exercise a little less. i'm trying to maintain now and need to figure out where i need to be in order to maintain. crossing my fingers the binge monster doesn't rear its ugly head...

keep on trucking everyone!

Desires- hang in there.. i know the feeling.

Jendiet, congrats on completing the fast!

I'm finishing out Day 4 and feeling good. I want this feeling to last.

I have been back on my diet for 5 days with no binging and have been pretty hardcore with my diet.

Nest week I start light workouts. :-)

The week after i can go back to whole grains breads and whole grain pastas on occasion and then hope I get back up to working out 5 to 6 days a week.

The hard part is the working out part for me.

Thank you,
Mandy

Great job, Mandy!!! And btw, BEAUTIFUL avatar!!! Wow Lady, you are a knockout!! Don't stress yourself so much on the workouts. I have been told and told others numerous times that weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. It's true, true, true. I lost 14lbs my first month by only focusing on healthy eating. Learning about the correct foods and when to eat them, helped me with my binging in major ways. I wish you the best on your adventure here with us. We are all in this together! :hug: :welcome3:
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Day 284. :)

Jen, that made me smile. :) Thank you for the huge vote of confidence. I will take it and hold on to it. I wouldn't call myself the ruler :no:, I feel like a productive member of the council. :lol:

Here is a SWEET little article I found.

It gives you the ability to text in with a food item and find out nutritional information about it. I tried it on my phone and it worked like a charm. Hope it works for all of you. :crossed:

http://www.livestrong.com/blog/blog/...ampaign=110719

The mane, it feels good to get control over your trigger foods.

krampus, i hope you really enjoyed those parfaits.

LAKERS, thanks and good job on keeping on keeping on.

Mandy good job on hitting it strong, just remember it is ok to relax a little if you start to feel weak we are here. your avatar pic is a very classic beauty!

vixsin, ok productive member of the council of the BINGE FREE WORLD, keep enlightening us. i don't use a phone often--but i have a similar app on my ipod when it is not dead.