[ChrissyB]

O.K. I dont know where to start with this post so you'll have to excuse me if I seem to ramble on in alot of different directions.

I think I have always had a weight problem. I can remember being a young pre-teen and having the Dr. tell my mom that she had to put me on a diet because I was overweight. My father calling me out into the kitchen and giving me a lecture about how over weight I was and how it would impact my entire life if I didn't stop it then....to my best knowledge I think I was probably 12-13 at the time. School physicals were the pits. The nurse yelling out load to the secretary your weight for the whole class to hear and then the giggles.

Now fast forward I'm 35 years old and still I'm overweight. I have given food this awsome power that it doesn't deserve. I dont know why I did it or exactly when it happend but it did. I have a serious diet career. I sometimes laugh about it but now it's really starting to get to me. You name it I've done it. Yea, they pretty much all worked until.....a binge come and then boom...no more.

I do things like this

Eat secretly I do this one alot. It would be no exageration to say this is probably a daily thing.

I eat food in the bathroom...eewww I know but who can see me in there?

I usually always buy something extra for myself at the grocery store so I can eat it in the van on the way home.

When I wake up in the morning I think about food and how overweight I am. When I go to sleep I always promise myself that tomorrow will be different and that I will do better....this usually does not happen and IF it does it's short lived.

If I eat something with a wrapper that's going to make a noise when I open it I make sure that there is alot of bankground noise to cover the sound of me opening up some sort of goodie.

I have eaten entire bags of chips and a gallon of ice cream in a day. I take breaks because I get so full and then finish off the evidence before DH come home.

I have been know to eat 2 whoppers from Burger King with the King Size fries ....one diet coke please

I have been reading a book about binge eating but I am wondering if my problem could be a blend of binge eating and compulsive overeating.

Can anyone else relate to anything that I've written here. I know I cant be alone in this situation. Please do not feel embarrassed I think admitting that I have this sort of problem has helped me. I have only been reading up on this for ONE DAY and I already feel better. Better because I know what the problem is and that I can beat this. I just have to figure out how.


I think one of the hardest things that I will have to do is tell DH that I have a problem. I dont know if I can ever do that. You see when I sit down at the table I have very moderate portions on my plate and that's what he see's me eating. He doesn't see all the other junk that I've stuffed in my face before he got home.

So, if you can relate. Please tell me what you have done to help yourself. Maybe we can work on this together. I definately need to do this.

Blessings, ChrissyB

[Lunula]

Chrissy, I totally relate. I was a normal weight all the way through high school, but I have a "medium build" (and was an athlete), so I always thought I was fat because all of my friends (literally) were petite and thin... I gained a lot of weight in college and hit my all-time high not too long ago (I'm 31 now)...

Anyway, I've done a lot of the things you listed... eating alone, eating in the car on the way home from the grocery store, making sure there is background noise when I open wrappers. When my husband & I separated last year, I moved in with my best friend... he'd buy boxes of those infernal Little Debbie oatmeal pies (he doesn't have a weight problem, lol) - and I remember in one week I must've eaten 6 boxes of them cause I'd eat so many out of one box that I'd go to the grocery store and buy a new one so he wouldn't see how many I'd eaten.

I put myself in therapy a couple years ago... worked on my perfectionist ways (i.e., compulsive, obsessive, anxiety-ridden, lol). It spilled over into EVERY facet of my life... and eating/food was my major weakness - it was waaaaaay out of control and every attempt I made at "controlling" it only failed and made it worse. I'm still learning how to truly LET GO of things, let go of the stress, the anxiety, the perfectionism... and for the first time in my life, I'm starting to really believe I'm changing these bad habits. I still get scared this "won't last" - or that I'll start demanding perfection again and I'll blow it. But I'm hoping that becoming part of these message boards helps with that. Here is my new mantra - maybe it will help you, too... "PROGRESS, not perfection." I say it to myself all the time everyday!

[Kempyd]

Hi guys. I am in the same boat with you. I just told my hubby Monday about my food addiction. Of course he didn't think I had a problme b/c he doesn't see me eat the way I do. I have discovered that I do it out of loneliness. Last night I had to keep myself busy playing a computer game otherwose I would have eaten anything that wasn't tied down.

I would love to join you in this battle. I too need as much help as I can get. Hubby said that he would help me if I would just tell him what I needed. That is the probelm, I don't knwo what to tell him I need.

Feel free to PM me so we can chat.

[ChrissyB]

Thanks ladies for letting me know I'm not alone in this. I guess since it's been such a little secret for so long that I do feel alone.

I dont know if I can ever tell DH about my food addiction. That's a big move and I'm definately not ready for that one. I know that I have to take baby steps in this or I'll mess everything up.

Right now I'm trying to concentrate on eating only when I'm actually physically hungry. This morning when I woke up I instantly thought about the potato chips that we out in the kitchen. I layed there and talked to myself. I asked myself why I wanted the chips....I was worried and I was worried because of the ice storm and DH is out driving in it. I then had to tell myself that eating the chips would not make DH any safer and it would only set me up for yet another day of binge eating. I know that I am an emotional person but I dont think I've ever really connected the eating and emotions like I did just the otherday. It's interesting because I could plainly see that when I was stressed out I would eat but I just looked at it like a part of my life. I knew it was a problem but I feel better know knowing that this has a name and tha I'm not alone in this.

I've taken Prozac for two years but I need to be more faithful. I'm bad about not taking it everyday I skip a day or two and I know that's not how your supose to take the meds. I will promise myself that I will take it very faithfully because I know this will help me.

Let's make a promise to eachother that we will post here. It doesn't have to be any thing fancy but just to let eachother know that we are here for one another and maybe by doing so we can add more people to this forum and really help one another.

Blessings to you, ChrissyB

P.S. I keep an on-line journal at this site and I think it's a good idea to write down feelings. Your more then welcome to come over and read it.

[Kempyd]

Hey Chrissy.

I think you are taking the right stpes. That is what it took for me to tell hubby. I had to realize that what I was doing wasn't good and then I made the deceision to tell him. I hated to do it but I needed him to know so that he would help and he is going to. Once I realized what I was doing it only took me a few days to build up the courage to tell him. I knew if I waited I would never tell him. If you really what to tell him I can tell you what I said. It may make it easier if you have a plan. I bet you would be surprised his from his reaction.

[ChrissyB]

Maybe I will tell him. I think the biggest fear of mine is that I always fill him in when Im going to try a new weight loss program. I dont want him to think that is is just another one of my failed attempts to do something about my weight.

He is supportive but not really informed if you know what I mean. I dont know if he would understand that someone can actually be addicted to food. I dont know.

This is something that I've always for the most part been pretty private about. I have never came out and told any of my family that I have this problem. I've gone to WW with them and things like that but never admitted to them that I have a eating disorder. I dont know how they would react. I dont know if I should care what they think. LOL!!!

Right now I think I should try to get my head screwed on tightly before attemting to get anyone else to understand me.

[Kempyd]

I know for me it was a weird thought. I couldn't understand how I could let food do this to me. I can look back when I was 19 and I remember ordering a med. pizza and eating the whole thing in my room by myself. Or, I would ge to the store and by a bag of ranch fritos and eat the whole bag as my dinner. Wheh I look back I know that I had a problem then too but I just didn't know what to do about it so i keep on going. Now I am worried that I could get sick if I keep it up and I have way to many plans to have something like this screw me up. I know this sounds crazy but I have noticed over the past couple of meals if I eat to much I get a headache and my stomach starts to hurt. Maybe that is my body telling me to stop before it is too late.

[ChrissyB]

I know I have to stop too. I can also remember eating things when I was a kid. I think my all time favortie thing to eat when I was a teen was an entire bag of Doritos , a hogie and for dessert Reeses p-butter cups.

Do you think that food addiction is like being addicted to alcohol or drugs. I mean food is something that you have to have in order to live. Let's face it you can definately live with the drugs and alcohol. I wonder if that's why so many people really dont see this as an addiction ?

So far I have done very well with my food and my emotions. I had breakfast with morning which is something that I dont ordinarly do. I've had lunch and a snack. Nothing that was junk or sweet so far so good. I've been tempted to indulge several times today but I've asked myself why I wanted to eat and what my emtional feelings were at that time. So far so good.

[angieME]

I think food is definately an addiction. I am sure it is the hardest one to over come too. Like you said you don't need alcohol or drugs to live but you HAVE to eat every day to survive. I gave up smoking after 12 years of doing it and it wasn't half as hard to do as losing and maintaining weight. I don't think about smoking but I have to plan my meals.

Good for you for eating breakfast. It helps . I never used to eat breakfast either(Or should I say cereal I guess I would eat chips and candy if there was any left over from the night before)

My big fear is that I will never get a handle on it. I lost 135 pounds once and then promptly gained back 76. I have lost 32 of that so far but I fell off the wagon at Christmas and it was so hard to get started again. It just proved to me that no matter how well i am doing there is always going to be the urge to pig out. What happens when I get older and decide I am too tired to exercise all the time to try to keep the weight off. Sometimes it feels like more effort than it is worth but then I remember how comfortable I was at 130 and I don't want to be 265 ever again.

[Kempyd]

I know that food is an addiction. I read a book on it and it really opened my eyes. I know that I have never been very heavy but to me I was uncomfortable in my skin. I think the more depress about it I got the more I would eat and of course you know what that lead to, more weight and more eating.

Chrissy Angie and I have been chating on another Thread for a few months so I know that she will be there for me. I can't speak for her but I can say that I will be there for you.

[angieME]

Do You want to know my most emberrassing food moment? It is actually a family one so we are probably all screwed up. We live about 60 miles away from the nearest city that has fast food so when we go we make it good. We also will drive there on a whim to eat. Anyways one night we went down and we went to burger king for the kids and we got a couple of chicken burgers there. We then went to Olive Garden and got 2 orders of breadsticks with alfredo sauce and we had to stop at Wendy's before we went home to eat. I had bags of food on the floorboard of the car and the girl at the Wendy's drive through says"Wow, you guys sure make your rounds,don't you?" I was so humiliated. It didn't stop me from doing it again though. I just made sure the bags were hidden from that day on.

[Kempyd]

I just checked out Oprah.com, you guys should go there and watch the after the show segments. Plretty good little talk about emotional eating.

[ChrissyB]

Angie, I can relate to your story about the fast food. I too will go to fast food places and eat in the van. Maybe I'll forget to throw away the bag in a remote location of course , or I'll shove it under the seat...or this is really bad but I'll admit this to you guys....I'll wait until I'm out and it's dark and I'll throw it out of the van window. I hate litter bugs...and here I am one!!! Around here they have littering signs telling you how much you would have to pay in a fine if you got caught. I would die!!! I think it's like $500 !!! I can only imagine coming home and telling DH that I have to pay a fine for throwing a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket full of bones out of the van window. Then my cover would really be blown wouldn't it ?

I think some of the LOWEST things beside the littering that I have done is eating things that are bought for my kids by their grandparents..things like donuts, cakes, ice cream...and then putting the blame on DH when the kids ask who ate it all

[Lunula]

Wow... so many of all of your stories, it sounds like I wrote them myself.

I get scared all the time that I won't "win" in the end - that I'll live out the rest of my life overweight, unhappy and unhealthy. It breaks my heart to think of myself that way in 10, 20, 30 years.

I must say, though, it helps me SO much to read everyones' posts and know that though I feel pretty alone - I'm really not. Others are going through exactly what I'm going through, and others have managed to overcome and get healthy. I have NO doubt that we can ALL do it - it only takes that one time afterall! I've found a lot of comfort over the past few months in looking at all my "failures" in the past as "practice", lol. It can take a long time to learn a new skill, create new habits - so all those attempts in the past - merely practice.

Stay strong, everyone.