Originally Posted by MariaMaria:
You're starving yourself.

Get help.

While I understand that you want to lose weight, I'm also wondering whether 3FC might be, well, feeding into your ED.

Yes, because being accountable is such a bad thing.

And if I could "get help" with the wave of a magic wand, I would but I left my magic wand back at Hogwarts.

Sorry to sound snippy but this is probably the most insensitive thing I've read. People don't always have the means to get help so they find resources and some kind of accountability and a place to vent and talk. That's what I thought this place was.

Jesse, I think I can understand what she's saying, and I really, really don't think she meant it in a bad way.

One of the hardest things about overcoming an eating disorder (in my experience) is all of the positive reinforcement you get from losing weight. You don't eat, you look smaller, and everyone says "Oh my goodness you look so good!" Which makes you want to continue starving yourself to continue to get the praise. I think she may just be saying that if people here are giving you that kind of praise (not in this particular thread, obviously, but elsewhere) it may be fueling the ED.

Like I said before, for me it's not that I don't have insurance, I just don't want to get help. But if you want to seek help, have you tried going to a clinic in your area? The clinic near me has therapy available for those without insurance, and there might be something like that near you.

I have no car, no place I can walk to, no job to pay for the bus, etc. A magic wand from Hogwarts is actually far more accessible to me right now than help, that's why I'm here. No one is praising me for my weight loss...as I said, I'm actually gaining and certainly not bragging about that.

Truth is, my life is crap and I don't talk about a lot of it. I came here and was honest, more honest than I've been anywhere else. The "get help" is as bad as "deal with it" from my friend who thinks that magic wand can get me a permanent place to stay and a job. It's just mean.

If I was actually losing weight, seeking praise, and holding on to said praise, I could see it. But I'm not losing, I'm not asking for praise. I'm trying to find a place where I come and say, "UH OH, didn't eat today" or "I binged today" not be told to leave the only place I'm actually allowing myself to be accountable.

Jesse,

I know you are troubled but I think you do need to seek help. I don't know where you live but I googled "Myers Park free mental clinic" and a few resources popped up in Charlotte, NC. Not sure if that is where you live but I would suggest that you try to search out your local community services.

I'd also suggest you look at some information online specifically for anorexia. Here is one website link:
http://www.anad.org/

Edited to add: No one is telling you that you need to leave but eating disorders are really outside the scope of a weight loss website. Priority for treatment/healing an eating disorder really overrides weight loss.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that you were searching for praise or anything, I just was trying to explain what I thought Maria may have meant. I can completely, COMPLETELY understand how frustrating it is to feel like people are saying "just eat, simple as that" because we know that it isn't that easy. I'll second nelie's suggestion to look online for help with EDs, such as anad. There's also something-fishy.org, there is a toll free number at the top of the page too that you may want to try. I really feel for you, and I really think that it may help you to check out these sites. Hopefully you will be able to find a way to get some sort of treatment in the near future, but I would at least browse through the sites.

Originally Posted by Jesse Taylor:
For me I tend to lean towards my issue as it being just another manifestation of my OCD. It's all about control and the need to control any possible aspect of my surroundings. When I can't control the fact that the idiot I live with won't pay the mortgage and would rather buy drugs, I put things in baggies, cook and don't eat, or simply drink lots of water and walk. It's control and the lack of eating is part of it. Anorexia is, in my understanding, as by definition, an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body weight and an obsessive fear of gaining weight, often coupled with a distorted self image. I don't have a fear of gaining weight and I know I'm fat so I don't have a distorted self image. Anorexia isn't just about not eating and when it is, it's not about controlling all of ones environment or even an extension of it.

Me, I'm just trying to control something as things continue to go down hill (unfortunately, it seems my weight is not one of the things going down hill but rather up).

You just described anorexia. OCD and eating disorders go hand in hand. And even if you don't think you have anorexia, what you have is still an eating disorder.

And Nelie...this portion of the website IS for people with an eating disorder, isn't it? At least, it's somewhere where anybody can talk about their problematic relationships with food.

That's not to say that posting online is any kind of substitution for therapy or real help of any kind.

The only real solution is to mend your damaged relationship with food, and mend your relationship with yourself. If you need outside help to do that (it's hard...it's really hard to even admit you have a problem.) then get it when you're ready. You have to be ready.

Originally Posted by ArtyKay:
You just described anorexia. OCD and eating disorders go hand in hand. And even if you don't think you have anorexia, what you have is still an eating disorder.

And Nelie...this portion of the website IS for people with an eating disorder, isn't it? At least, it's somewhere where anybody can talk about their problematic relationships with food.

I admit to having an eating disorder. That's for sure. Right now I'm actually overeating because for some reason I'm just so hungry all the time. Hopefully that will pass and I'll cycle back around to not being hungry because my food options right now SUCK in no uncertain terms. Hopefully it's because my period is about to start and more so because it's very late. I have to wonder if the fact that my body is all messed up is why I haven't started and why I'm all of the sudden so hungry and binging anytime food is put in front of me. I'd rather be in control and not eating than this binging thing. I'm so frustrated with everything right now especially the 180 my life has taken.

Hi Jesse! I just found this thread.

I had this same issue this past summer, actually I've had it my whole life. I get so upset that my stomach just shuts down. Its slightly about control for me, but I just don't feel hungry. Counseling really did help me stop being so hard on myself. I realize you don't have a car and no insurance, but have you tried searching for a free support group? Usually places like this have transportation assistance, as well.

Good luck!

I had the same problem, for 7 years. I am going through this again, off-and-on. You cannot get past this without professional help - therapist. Preferably an eating disorder SPECIALIST. An anti-depressant really helped me. Eating disorders are definitely about control - You feel like you have no control over your life, so you control yourself. However, it's really the disorder that controls you.

Here's a really good site: something-fishy.org

I wish you the best. *hugs*

Oh, I just saw that you don't have a car or insurance..Friend then? Also, if you are under a certain income (I believe that it's 25k for the year), there are services in every state for low income. Google them. Even if you're not, therapists will usually work with you to develop a financial plan. Don't give up!

Edit:

Also this is a free support group - I know that you don't have a car, but you can do it over the phone - It's Cognitive Behavioral therapy, in a group setting. It really helped me, as I was recovering from my eating disorder. It helps you with anger, depression, sadness, anxiety, etc. CBT is what therapists do. They have the meetings all over too.

Google Recovery International - 3FC won't allow me to post links, because I haven't made enough posts yet.. It's the first one that shows up..the Abraham Low one..If you click on the Recovery International Method and click on Tools there is a blue link that says Sampling of Tools and Terms. You can use that immediately, and apply them to your situations.

I also think that you can apply for a library card online - or get someone to drive you to a library. After you get a card - At least at my library - You can go on their website, and download books to read. You can download self-help books, to help with the other problems in your life.


I also have OCD...google stuck in a doorway. It's a forum for OCD. If you go to the Sufferer's Lounge, there are lots of links to help you. However, remember, you can't self-diagnose - I know that you aren't able to seek a professional, right now though. I'm just sayin'. If you have symptoms though, it is important to address them.

The reason why you gain weight on so little food is because you have been undereating or nothing then your body gets used to that amount so whenever you eat, you will gain. That is why it is encouraged to eat as much as you can calorie-wise when you start out on a "diet" because you will have to eat less at a lower weight. Please seek help. You come up with a lot of reasons but if you TRULY want help, you have to be aggressive and go for it. We are not professionals here- we can try to support you and help you but only to an extent.
I really recommend you find out how many calories you need to maintain your weight then start from there so you can start "re-feeding." You will gain a little bit in the first month or so but eventually you will be able to lose once you lower some calories (say 500 less calories a day because 3500 calories equal one pound.) I wish you nothing but the best.

Jesse ~ How are you doing today?