Talk to me girls. I didn't eat yesterday and today isn't looking all that promising. I have at least figured out the triggers that set off my not eating. Basically when one person makes me feel like I suck and am a terrible human being, I stop eating. Today I've decided to lock myself in my room and maybe go for a walk but eating, not on the plan for today.

I've had a few bad days recently too. I think my biggest problem is that I'm losing weight, which makes it harder to go back to doing it the healthy way. I've been journaling recently, which has helped me realize some of the reasons for my habits. Also, I don't know if you're religious/spiritual at all, but I've been praying about it recently too, which seems to be giving me a better outlook.

I don't want to by any means condone the behavior - it makes me sick when I see sites that try to help people starve themselves - but if you aren't going to eat, I would suggest at least taking a multivitamin. Not that this will sustain you, or that it makes not eating any better, but at least you'll get SOME of the nutrients that you're missing. (I don't mean to come off preachy at all, please don't take it that way!)

Also, when I force myself to eat something small in the morning, it makes me hungrier during the day. That may help you too.

I went so far at to cook an egg. Gave it to the dog. I'm just not hungry. Going to go walk soon.

Jesse and MD, all my support and best wishes to both of you. I'm struggling, too.

Jesse, do you cook at all? Maybe the sensory experience of creating really delicious, flavourful, and healthful recipes will excite you and remind you that food is not necessarily the enemy. It's a lot of fun, and when you're kitchen is full of delicious smells it's hard not to let them pique your appetite. It sounds like you are eating some bland foods that are not really doing you any favours nutritionally. I know that getting into cooking really helped me develop a better relationship with food and dedication to eating healthfully.

They are plenty of great resources online, but I like the brokeassgourmet (can't post links yet so you'll have to google it).

She's dedicated to affordable, fresh meal options. They're not always healthy, so you have to pick and choose, but there are some really great recipes.

I started going to culinary school, so yeah, I like to cook. My problem is I'll cook food and then leave it sit or give it away to the other members or the house or the dog. I've done that forever. I can make cookies and other things without even eating them.

Hi Jesse (and mdchick88, too).

Jesse, I've been a nurse for many years and I'm a little stumped by your situation here. How long have you had this situation with not wanting to eat for days? Is this a relatively recent thing or have you had to deal with this for many years....or since childhood...or teens?

I'm familiar with women who are overweight yet have serious issues with bulimia....which, of course, is dangerous regardless of what they weigh.

But I'm having a problem understanding your situation...and it's probably because I don't have enough information. It sounds like you have some form of anorexia but I'm not sure of the origin of it.....or how long you've had it. There's a whole spectrum of possibilities, including depression (situational and/or clinical), side-effects of medication, hormonal/medical problems, etc.

For mdchick88, her situation sounds clinically logical. Amphetamine type medications like ritalin and adderall will seriously decrease the appetite. Her situation can entail some problems of its own....will she stay on the med for life? How will she control her appetite if she goes off of it?, etc.....but at least for me, her anorexia makes sense as there is a direct link between it and the medication she's taking.

Jesse...can you give more info and background info regarding your anorexia? As far as many others might view a situation like this....they could indeed not be nearly as concerned as they would if this was a person who was severely underweight and malnourished....and assume this could not be a serious problem for you. But in your case...malnourishment is a factor because even if you eat enough calories over-all to prevent being underweight, you still don't get the daily nutrients you need....which are necessary for the body to function normally.

I hope I'm not upsetting or offending you. I have a tendency to want to analyze medical situations, esp. ones that don't seem to be following a specific clinical pattern.

deena :)

Added: what I'm wondering is...have you had long-standing issues with food and it's flared up again since October or is this something you have never had any sort of problem with prior to October?

Deena I'm not offended at all. Years and years ago I lost weight by taking a boat load of ephedra which, of course, made me not want to eat for days on end. It was only when I would nearly pass out that I would eat or when I had a date with the guy I was seeing and he would make me eat. Skip ahead several years to last August (2009). Last August my life turned to crap and I stopped eating on a daily basis. I had so many fat stores, I started losing weight. Then I had weird living situations so I couldn't always eat. Then when days would go bad, not eating was something I could control when I couldn't control anything else. Then I moved in with a friend and taught her healthy habits and good cooking methodology so I started eating again. Then her husband came back and I ran like a bunny who actually sees the car coming and doesn't want to get squished.

I came back down to the Charlotte area and decided not eating would be a good idea. My surroundings were, again, falling to crap and my food intake was the one thing I could control....that and putting everything in ziplock baggies in a hyper-OCD fashion. My thought was that if I couldn't eat healthy or afford good food, I'd just not eat. Then I met the man we like to call Trigger. Trigger, or Robert as he's legally called, is my current stressor. He was my friend and now he's not and now when he comes over (I live with his friends) I stop eating. It's like seeing him just sends my stomach into turmoil. Granted, before I met him I was going days without eating, but he's made it much worse (and he used to be able to just look at me and know how many days I had gone without eating - it was a little freaky).

Now, tonight, I find out that the house I'm living in is going into foreclosure on Tuesday of next week and I don't know that I'll have a place to live by the time they actually take the house. Add to that that Trigger was over last night, having yelled at me on the phone the night before, so food isn't even a consideration today and probably not tomorrow even though I'll be getting exercise tomorrow and walked yesterday. Usually exercise induces some kind of desire for food, but yesterday it just made me a little high. It was like the lack of food plus the exercise gave my head a whole different feeling than I've had. It was like being drunk without the nasty calories or cost.

Now, I will say, I am not anorexic. I don't think going days without eating makes me have anything more than an unclassified eating disorder with a side of OCD.

Just wanted to add my support, Jesse. I too have the issue where stressful things happen I immediately turn to not eating as the way to feel in control. Although I do have a very long history of anorexia prior to gaining so much I became obese, I do still experience anorexic type behaviors. I will say outside this forum it is very hard for me to get any help with them. I do see a therapist for other issues and she has flat out told me that while I'm overweight anorexic behaviors don't matter because they obviously aren't affecting my health. Ouch. But the ladies and gentlemen here have little judgment and much compassion so this is a very safe place to express and share feelings about control.

How is this not anorexia?

I don't ask in a hostile way, I would just like if you could explain your thought process a bit more. If we could understand better, we might be able to help you better.

It sounds like you may be having financial challenges co-mingled with other issues. Do you have the means to eat and just choose not to? Or is part of your motivation not to eat financial pressure?

For me I tend to lean towards my issue as it being just another manifestation of my OCD. It's all about control and the need to control any possible aspect of my surroundings. When I can't control the fact that the idiot I live with won't pay the mortgage and would rather buy drugs, I put things in baggies, cook and don't eat, or simply drink lots of water and walk. It's control and the lack of eating is part of it. Anorexia is, in my understanding, as by definition, an eating disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body weight and an obsessive fear of gaining weight, often coupled with a distorted self image. I don't have a fear of gaining weight and I know I'm fat so I don't have a distorted self image. Anorexia isn't just about not eating and when it is, it's not about controlling all of ones environment or even an extension of it.

Me, I'm just trying to control something as things continue to go down hill (unfortunately, it seems my weight is not one of the things going down hill but rather up).

I guess whether you feel you fit the label of anorexia or EDNOS, doesn't really matter. Either way hopefully you have some understanding that despite helping you cope with some aspects of your life, these behaviors are harming you in other ways.

Not eating for days is a problem that needs to be worked on. It is not a positive response to stressors in your life.

All eating disorders, very much including anorexia, are about control. Trigger events for anorexia are often exactly as you describe. Life events keep happening outside of the person's control, some relief is obtained by precisely ordering food.

I worry that you may be falling in to the trap of thinking you don't really have a problem or anything to worry about because you aren't stick thin. Even within the medical community this is often the feedback you may get.

If you aren't eating for days you will lose weight. If you continue not eating for days, you will become unhealthy.

The plan is to get some help at refocusing your OCD tendencies and coping mechanisms *before* you have lost so much weight that someone would pick you out as anorexic.

Many stereotypical anorexics were actually obese when the behavior first manifested. I know because I've been there. On the way down unfortunately there is positive reenforcement that creates a feedback cycle that keeps the disorder progressing (i.e. positive comments as you lose weight, etc.). Those of use that stuck out as stick thin anorexics were just unfortunate enough to stay stuck in disordered behavior long enough that we lost so much weight we could no longer hide it.

The longer you maintain disordered eating, the more damage you do to your body and metabolism and the harder it becomes to go back to healthy eating.

This is not the way to a happy you. It's harming your health and not making positive steps towards ending those negative stressors.

Do you have any way to start building a better support system so you aren't driven into not eating for relief?

Thanks to everyone who has been actually supportive. I did eat today after my housemate watched me nearly fall over and hit my head (did hit my head, didn't quite fall over). At this point, I'm good for a couple days but now that I have additional triggers, I'm thinking it will be Friday before I eat again.

:hug:Jesse, I totally understand your situation in which you live. I had, well still have almost the same conditions as you and similar problems ( social, financial, you name it) but i used the opposite strategy...i overate well binged actually and just had minore binge right now after comming home and having argued with people i live with, aka my mom, sister and her boyfriend. they are my triggers. I hate to say this but I really don't like to come home anymore but I have no where to go plus the financial situation is making me even more stressed and out of control with my food. We even argue about food!! that is what i hate the most.
So back to you, I really wish you to get well, maybe try finding some new friends to hang out with, joining some craft classes if you have interest in for example arts, or hobbies, reading circles etc. and try to avoid all your triggers as much as you can and tell yourself that you're strong enough to overcome this, there is a whole life waiting for you, full of amazing things that are waiting to be discovered. :hug: maybe you could plan a mini trip for one day to go somewhere by yourself or with some supportive friend and it doesn't have to be expensive. maybe you'll discover something new and find a new perspective on life. I love to drive in bus, it gives me so much time to think and be alone with my thoughts.
I can't even immagine being without food so long. Don't you feel dizzy or anything??

I usually get to a point where I do feel dizzy and that's when I eat. What bothers me is that I'm now finding even though I'm not eating and when I do eat, I eat healthy, that I'm gaining weight. I'm so upset. How does that possibly happen? I'm beside myself right now. How can I have gained. My calorie total for the week is less than 1200 a day and some days it's like 400 or less (I try and have a glass of milk with instant breakfast if nothing else). How can I be gaining? I'm think NO on dinner tonight. I'll let the guys eat and go for a walk.

You're starving yourself.

Get help.

While I understand that you want to lose weight, I'm also wondering whether 3FC might be, well, feeding into your ED.