I'm baaaaaaacccccckkkkkkk......
So, I have been off of my diet for the past month or so, to say the least.
Sure, I have been kind of half-way doing it, but things have been really stressful here (I know, it is no excuse), and I have been comforting myself with sweets.
I had a period of constant vomiting for a while. Not really intentional, just overall nauseous constantly. I felt ok without much food on my stomach, or no food on my stomach. It was weird and I don't know if it was stress or illness or what. But, for over a month, I had very little appetite, and ate very little in the evening. I thought I would lose more weight, but I just maintained.
Now, my appetite is back, and well, that is a problem. Sigh. I feel ravenous a lot, and I just try and ignore those feelings. I know it is stress----I am working a lot, which I am thankful to be able to do, and the speed is very high and super high pressure and so, I am just worn out a lot, while trying to make ends meet and be able to buy the healthier food that I want to, without having to fret about it so much. My ex and I are supposed to be friends, but he has been acting weird and that is stressful and hard. I have some health issues that worry me, but my doc says that losing weight really won't change it. It is common, but I am still afraid. I am just trying to stay sane while dealing with a lot of stress and at times, feeling as if I am not as successful as I would like to think that I am. I constantly have to fight that negative feeling.
So, to deal with the stress I have been having lots of sugary drinks, and sweets and loads of carbs---bagels and pastries galore. I haven't been eating huge portions (no pasta or huge meals), but still even a small sweet is still, well, a sweet.
So, I am trying to hop back on that bandwagon and watch my portion sizes and eat more protein and veggies and fruit. I will have to detox off of the sugar again, and I am not looking forward to that, but I know it is possible.
I have a lot of healthy food to eat, so I am going to get back into weighing myself and staying more focused on my weight loss goals. I need to get far below 300lbs. Right now I keep fluctuating from 2 or 3lbs below 300lbs, to 2 pounds over 300lbs. Sigh. Not encouraging, but I know I can overcome it.
I came back here because of all of the wonderful support you all provide. You let me express my feelings and give me a place where I feel like people can understand my issues with food, and I am so very thankful for that.
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