Argh.
Last night I just lost all control. For the first time in months I binged. I just walked into my kitchen to get my nightly snack and then just started eating everything else. I kept telling myself to stop that this is stupid but my body just kept on going. I finally stopped and went and cried myself to sleep (doesn't that sound dramatic lol). But I feel like major crap. I mean I added up the numbers and if I'm correct I've just about mantained for the day by some miracle but I feel like...I feel like I'm going to gain. And I don't want that to happen.
Lately people have been telling me I look good and people are calling me skinny and it's getting to me. I don't think I'm skinny like I'm no where near skinny and I still look huge. Like...I have a big tummy, that's where most my weight is. And I think I just lost all control last night partly because of that, of all those feelings. I dunno.
I guess, though, that maybe it's a good thing it happened? When I woke up I thought and wrote some stuff down and got all my priorities straight. I've decided to up my calories because maybe haivng 100 more calories for another snack might help in some way and things like that?
I dunno. I just feel really kind of dissapointed in myself, still. That I let that happen. I mean I thought I was done with that stuff. I know that it never really goes away but I thought that maybe for me it did? Just for a while.
I've done this myself. Like Bargoo said...you can survive and succeed and the most important thing is to put it completely behind you. Don't dwell. Sounds like you are being proactive and constructive about it...so you learned from this!
Don't feel bad! I consumed 3,000 calories on Friday. Went out to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I usually only eat 1400 calories a day! I more than doubled, and this morning, I was still at the same weight. Don't beat yourself up.
The best advice I can give is to call it history and move on. I binged last night too. Fried up and ate darn near an entire bag of Ore-Ida french fried. I mean, I literally scarfed them down. I felt so sick and so disappointed. Then people were telling that I've done so well and all I can do is keep going.
You're human. You'll have your moments. It's okay. I promise.
This is what I always remember. I think I've only binged one time since I've been on my journey, and you know what? Life went on. I gained a pound, but then I stayed on track and it came off and more.
Really, don't feel bad. I ate random junk last night too . . . I weighed the same this morning and I actually LOST an inch through my hips. No clue what happened there. Just get back on track today, it will be okay!
*HUGS* I know it's frustrating. I binged last night, too, for the first time in a few months. I really want to cry because I"m so upset with myself. However- I can't change what I did. So all I can do is look forward... sounds like you've already done that. BUt keep your chin up.
Instead of making a new thread, I'll piggy back off of this one:
It happened. Again. 5,000 calories. Last night. This is not a lapse in control issue. I am so upset. I am so, so, so upset. I cannot 'just get over' this one. I got so upset I went and told my mom in the middle of the night crying and she made appointments with a counsellor and a nutritionist to see if they can help any with any sorts of issues. I'm going crazy. I was doing so good an one **** up in a week, well okay, but two? That makes me a major failure. What the **** happened to me.
Last edited by bunnythesAINT; 07-17-2010 at 12:13 PM.
Instead of making a new thread, I'll piggy back off of this one:
It happened. Again. 5,000 calories. Last night. This is not a lapse in control issue. I am so upset. I am so, so, so upset. I cannot 'just get over' this one. I got so upset I went and told my mom in the middle of the night crying and she made appointments with a counsellor and a nutritionist to see if they can help any with any sorts of issues. I'm going crazy. I was doing so good an one **** up in a week, well okay, but two? That makes me a major failure. What the **** happened to me.
First of all, you are not a major failure, you are human. Second of all, I am glad your mom made the appointments and I hope you can get the support and help you need
Ugh. What have I done?
