[gfmtgal]

I just wanted to pop in here and say hello... I joined the boards last month just before the birth of my second child to find support to get myself back to where I wanted and needed to be...

While i was pregnant I had a small 9 month reprieve from the disordered eating patterns I have developed over the years... It was easy to gain some control over the bingeing/purging cycles and severe overeating... I had a reason to be as "normal" as possible... but now that the only thing holding me back is no longer a factor I have been unable to resist the urges and have fallen back to the behaviors I exercised before becoming pregnant.

I am a very large girl in a very image concious family... it makes being comfortable in your own skin very hard and to cope with that many years ago I began certain habits that probably weren't for the best. Just before I found out I was pregnant in august of last year my overeating had come to the most serious point that it had ever been at... and the bingeing and purging was out of control... I was amazed I was able to real myself in and gain control while I was pregnant... I guess the only thing that I'm better at then making myself sick is making myself feel guilty....

Anyways, now those comfortable familiar habits are begining to return. It's hard to not see them as a good thing as they provide me with the one thing that I truly want - to be comfortable with myself, in my own skin, to be comfortable with my body... I know that it's not good or normal but it's irrisistable that feeling I get after having done these things...

[astrophe]

You still have the reason. No longer inside you perhaps, but your children need you, and need you healthy.

I don't know what advice I can give -- I think ED needs help that is beyond my expertise or scope. Have you been to something fishy?

http://www.something-fishy.org/

HTH!

A.

[gfmtgal]

Ha lol I read your line... "have you been to something fishy" and was like what heck does that mean... are they calling me fishy???... then I saw the link lol. I do have two other message boards geared specifically towards ed and ed maintence and they have helped me to some extent...it's harder then just talking on a board though yea know... I will definately check out your link... thank!

[Lizzie2010]

You do have a reason - YOU.

Your child does depend on you for love, support, encouragement, but you have got to choose to end your eating disorder and lose weight only for yourself. It's not selfish at all to think like this, either. If you take care of yourself physically and mentally, you'll be the best you, the best mom, the best worker, etc etc that you can be.

Good luck in your journey, it's often overwhelming to look at it from the outside, but once you're on the path and you start making progress, it'll start to get easier. I think the best advice I've ever taken from this place is a quote (I don't know who said it though), "You don't need motivation, you need commitment. Commitment is doing what you set out to do, even when it's the last thing you want to do." I was always looking for motivation to eat right, not binge, and get healthier... But really, I needed the commitment. I slip up and make mistakes, but that's part of the process. You forgive yourself for making the mistake, you analyze why you made a mistake, make necessary changes, and keep moving forward. I think these things are absolutely critical to long-term ED control and weight loss.