Please Help Me...near tears, can't stop bingeing and I'm scared.
I’ve only recently started identifying myself as a binge eater. It took me a while to see and really recognize that my eating habits are compulsive, uncontrollable and excessive, sometimes even disgusting.
I’ve lost about 40 pounds now. I’ve never had this much success before and I’m so, so proud of myself. However, over the past month or so, I’ve been bingeing more often and have begun sliding helplessly back down that slippery slope. I cannot even begin to explain how disappointed and embarrassed I will be if I turn around and ruin all this hard work, but I see it coming for sure. I went from working out 4 or 5 days a week to 3 and this week, just two. I’ve had a lot of “off” days and find myself making a lot of excuses to indulge myself… “Oh, it’s so-and-so’s birthday”, “Oh, I’ve done well for the past week”, “Oh, one won’t hurt…two won’t either…three is fine…” I have more off days than on and I KNOW that this is going to come back and bite me in the butt. But I seem to have lost my steam and motivation.
Last night, for instance, I talked myself out of working out and stayed on the couch instead. I ate a skinny cow ice cream (shouldn’t have since I didn’t work out), then wandered into the kitchen. I decided I would have a few slices of deli turkey…not bad right? Well, the few slices turned into 8 slices and then 7 string cheeses, two Reese’s peanut butter cups, four packs of my sons’ gummies, a bag of teriyaki beef jerky and a popsicle. Yes, I know, it could have been worse (and has been on many occasions), but I just don’t get why I did that. I wasn’t even remotely hungry. And I consumed all of that food within about 20 minutes. I wasn’t even tasting it, I was just shoving it in my mouth, chewing twice maybe, and swallowing. I was demon possessed. And then I sat there. And I almost cried.
I always assumed that once I had lost some weight, that in itself would be enough motivation for me to keep going. But for some reason it isn’t. And the little voice in my head has gotten so clever now: “You have done so well, this won’t hurt you one bit! If anything, a little binge will shock your metabolism and help you lose more! You can’t be perfect all the time, reward yourself!” Well it doesn’t really count as a reward when it’s all I ever do these days, does it? I’m going to gain my weight back…I just know it. I’ve gone from working my butt of in the gym and staying on plan for weeks and weeks at a time, to pigging out a little on the weekend but staying on track during the week, to now, every day is up in the air.
What can I do? What have ya’ll done? Has anyone else ever found themselves in that position? Where you have every reason to keep going, have done well, but just keep falling and stumbling?
I’m actually SCARED of this. I am horrified by myself, disgusted with my inability to control myself and that my weakness is food. It’s like such a pitiful addiction. And I just always assumed that there would be triggers for a binge…stress, anger, etc. But yesterday…was a good day! Please help me….
(I've almost already convinced myself to just cut loose this weekend and pig out and start back monday. I'm nearly in tears...I thought I have grown out of that mentality...)
Last edited by ThicknPretty; 04-09-2010 at 10:18 AM.
Do not cut loose this weekend it's not going to be rewarding AT all for you it will just upset you and keep this binge going! you need to stop where your at and jump right back on your plan! you are doing great everyone slips up it's getting right back on the plan that matter's don't be so hard on yourself!! I struggle with binge eating and i hate it i know it just makes me feel like crap, but we need to remind ourselves that what were trying to do is change our life's and we don't need the junk to cause pain and guilt, do what feels good get back on your plan girl you can do it!!! <hugs>
Only you can decide how out of control you are and if you have crossed over to an eating disorder. If this is the case Overeaters Anonymous has had some success with this. I also recommend seeing your doctor and seeking counseling. I think you will notice the more stress you are under the more you binge. Be gentle with yourself and begin again. The road to success has many ups and downs.
I'm not sure that the mentality ever goes away. I am sorry that you're going through this right now after your amazing success, but you're not alone, I've been there too. I lost about 65 lbs in 2006 and here I am again because I gave in and talked myself out of excercising to lay on the couch and watch TV or induldged on a birthday or at a wedding.
Have you tried re-focusing. When you feel like you want to binge eat, go for a walk or MAKE yourself go to the gym. Even if you only go and ride a stationary bike for 10 minutes. You've successfully re-focused and I'm pretty sure that you won't be thinking about over-eating once you get back home.
There is NO reason for you to go back to your old weight and there is no reason why you can't reward yourself. Think about rewarding yourself with non-food things. Maybe a manicure, new shoes, a trip you've been putting off.
I ordered a couple books recently that have helped me snap out of my year long binge cycle and have been pretty effective thus far.
Normal Eating for Normal Weight: The Path to Freedom from Weight Obsession and Food Cravings by Sheryl Canter
and
The Binge Eating & Compulsive Overeating Workbook: An Integrated Approach to Overcoming Disordered Eating (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook)
I can totally relate. Yesterday for instance, I was totally on plan. I ate good all day, kept track of my points, and I wasn't even hungry.But whether I'm hungry or not doesn't really seem to matter. On my way to work (I work 10pm to 9am) I head straight for Taco Bell, then right across the street to Wendy's. Pretty sick right? I don't even taste the food, I just shove it in. And Im left feeling completely guilty and disgusted with myself. To top it off, I've lost 42lbs and gained it all back due to meds I was on. You would think getting off the meds and wanting to lose those 42lbs would be motivation enough, but no. Even my stepfather calling me fat, and trying and trying on clothes that don't fit, can't stop me from a binge. I too have just recently identified myself as a binger, and I have completely lost control. If those aren't reasons enough, what is? Good health? Looking good, feeling good? I just can't stop. Sorry for the rant. I wish you the best of luck, your not alone in your struggle. One day at a time.
Please don't give up! Don't blow the whole weekend. Do you ever write in a journal? What about writing about how you are feeling. Why you want to binge. Write a list of things you can do instead: ex. go for a walk, sip some hot tea, call a friend, come to 3fatchicks, do some scrapbooking, plant some flowers, meditate, vacuum, take clog dancing lessons, sing loudly to bad 80's music, dance in your living room. What ever! Just make a list of other things you could do - easy things, fun things, etc.
I can only speak for myself, I am an emotional eater, and I have had episodes of binge-eating.. My counter-act is just to try and stop myself during, which of course as you perfectly described (demon-posessed) it's like almost impossible (ALMOST!), and then I try to forget about the moment and plan the recovery. I try to see it as if it's something that happened to me, not something I caused, because if I think too much that I did it, I get stuck in self-bashing, self-hate, depression, etc. If I externalize it like a bad luck incident, I have more will to overcome it.
That's just me but of course you could try and see the enemy as outside yourself, maybe you'll want to fight it more get back to training, so that the occasional slip-ups won't ruin as much.. and once you train, maybe you won't WANT to slip as much, you'll feel more relaxed, accomplished, and proud. good luck
I know where you come from... and I could not myself live without “binging” since I do get pleasure from food (unfortunately). The only way I could keep OP was giving myself one day a week to indulge with some treats. It is usually Saturday or if I have an event during the week, I trade the days.
That was the only way I could control myself and keep motivated. During the week days, when I am OP, I keep remind myself it is ok to say NO, because I’ll have my treat day on Saturday. The thinking of I CAN’T have it is a road to failure to me. At first was hard to get back OP after my treat days, but now it is something that happens automatic.
I just don’t give myself a choice. It is a rule... If it is week day, I am OP. Just like going to the gym... No choice: like brushing my teeth or going to work... NO CHOICE, just do it and keep on going...
Good luck to you!!!
I know I have been there also. But with practice *years maybe* it does get better. Have any of you ever listened to Inside out weightloss?? I do and it has changed me for the better. I have it on my ipod. Look it up it is a free podcast. Take the time once a day to listen and relax. It worked for me
I do not know if this will help, but perhaps it may offer you some insight into your state of mind, which, clearly, is not good right now.
I had my first episodes of bingeing after a long period of over-restriction & very regimented living. It was as if part of me was starting to rebel wildly against all the rules & the very strict routine.
Also, I had attained my goals & in fact over-achieved & gone far under them. And I had that shaky feeling that I get when I do very well at something, like, "This can't last. It's too good. I cannot possibly keep this up. It's too hard to follow for life. My winning streak with weight loss & keeping it off & looking attractive will end soon." This is what I want to call "panicking because of perfectionism" -- i.e., the idea of having to do the whole thing perfectly, all the diet & exercise, forever & ever, just FREAKED ME OUT. Partly because I was not taking it moment by moment. But also because I had actually constructed a routine & plan that was, indeed, unsustainable over time because it was far too strict.
No matter what you do, be kind to yourself. Do not, because of your binges, throw yourself into jail, in effect, & over-restrict to counter their effects.
And I really would recommend seeking help. Because the thing with bingeing is that it becomes cyclical & an unending loop. You need help to break that loop of acting & reacting.
Well we all make mistakes. It's a learned practice not to binge (or do any bad habbits) and it really does take time to do. You need to set up a solid plan of what you are going to do if you feel like binging. For instance- when I want to binge, or start, I MAKE myself chew a peice of gum and go online. Doesn't seem like much, but it gets me over the hump. There are no excuses, as soon as I see that trend, that's what I do. It sucks and hurts even sometimes, but later I am happier for it. Don't beat yourself up too bad. We are all allowed to make mistakes!
Hey,
I am a binge eater as well, but I have t
started to be able to control it. I kept a food diary, and when I realized I was binge eating I would write down how I felt before and after I ate. I found out that alot of my binge eating was due to bordum, so I've started many hobbies. And the other bug factor was I felt unsure if myself or invisible. I was using my size to make people notice me. So I've started to write down everyday something that I did that I did not need my weight to do. Like I smiled at that cute boy at the library. And I also started to write down what my body did for me today. My body, not my weight. Like thank god my legs got me up that hill with the wind blowing me back.
Writing down what I felt everytime I binged helped me to identify with what was bothering me.
I know how you feel hun. I had a similar week where I was off plan, excercised only twice and felt out of it. I was on plan yesterday after few days of eating whatever; so good I had homemade protein shake for breakfast(very filling), a weight watchers 4 point with extra broccli for lunch and almonds with dried fruit for a snack. All the way home, I kept telling myself "I'm full. Very full right now. I will go home take a nap and workout. Then eat a healthy dinner." What did I do? As soon as I got home, I ate an omlett with a piece of toast. I took a nap and woke up feeling full but that didnt stop me from going to the kitchen and eating pasta, chicken, baked sweet potato, samusa, more pasta. Ugh.. I felt so full, disgustingly full that I just felt terrible the whole night. I didnt workout of course because I could barely breathe and I figured it wasnt healthy to jump up and down in that state. You know what? I consoled myself with this thought" this will shock my metabolism and I will probably lose weight"!! Well, this morning I got on the scale and it says I gained around 3lbs this week!!!
What is my next step? DONT GIVE UP! NO MORE EXCUSES! NO PLANNED BINGING! I had a very small, healthy breakfast. I planned a salad for lunch and I scheduled a healthy chicken wrap for dinner, which I'm not allowed to eat until I workout!
Also, going grocery shopping with a list helps me sometimes because I feel like I'm on the right track by buying veggetables, fruits, whole grain rice and breads. I feel like I'm in control again.
Okay- you've had your binge- now it's time to get back on track.
Maybe you restricted yourself too much on your plan? I know for me I still enjoy eating out now and then and an occasional treat. Last week I had a half a cup of my FAVORITE ice cream. This week I craved some fresh spring rolls and had that for my lunch.
I read "conquering your food addiction" by Caryl Ehrlich - a great book. She does have some diet stuff in there but I only read the stuff about food addiction.
And hey- we all have bad days- no one is perfect- but you have to remember YOU are in control and you can do this- you've lost 40 lbs so far so you know you can
ThickNPretty- Girl, I am in the exact same boat as you right now. I was doing great and now the last two days I am way off. For no reason! I was doing great and one night I just went off the deep end. I woke up this morning and I can feel that the "diet switch" is off. I want to just cut loose and eat what I want and not exercise and not care. It's so unbelievably hard to get out of that frame of mind.
The only thing I think might work for myself (and maybe you too?) is, like others said, FORCE yourself to go to the gym. Slacking with working out goes hand in hand for slacking on eating. Another thing that seems to be helping me is looking at the clothes I can't wait to throw out! I have this dress that makes me look like a tent, yet I keep wearing it because it hides my entire body. I feel so un-sexy and old and yucky in it!! I don't want to feel like that anymore!
You have done so great so far. You are getting so close to your goal also! Just keep hanging out on this site and look through all the posts! I hope it helps!
Please Help Me...near tears, can't stop bingeing and I'm scared.
get back to training, so that the occasional slip-ups won't ruin as much.. and once you train, maybe you won't WANT to slip as much, you'll feel more relaxed, accomplished, and proud.
