Ignore those voices in your head!
This weekend, I ran in my first 5k race! And came in dead last. Yup, dead last.
But I am happy about it! Because I did something that I have been wanting to do for a long time -- and kept talking myself out of by listening to those self-defeating voices in my head.
I recently realized how my crummy self esteem constricts my life. Keeps me isolated and depressed and bored because I'm too afraid to get off the bench and play in the game of life. I saw the race advertised in the paper, considered it for 5 minutes, talked myself out of it ("You're too fat. People will laugh. You'll never be able to keep up with those lean -n- mean "serious" runners"). Then I immediately began to feel depressed. Faced with another weekend doing the same boring things. Fighting off the urge to eat and eat and eat.
I couldn't stand how hopeless that made me feel. I knew I had to do something different. So I ignored those voices in my head and went to the race. I ran. And came in last just like I expected. But after I crossed that finish line I began feeling happy! Happy!? Just because I did something I wanted to do.
I feel like I've freed myself from a cage. Oh, I know I have lots of self-esteem work left to do. But I think I'm onto something here. Interestingly enuf, I didn't find myself sitting around all weekend struggling with urges to eat and eat and eat--to compensate for the living I want to do but deprive myself of.
So if you've got a list of things you want to do but have been deferring until you feel "thin" enuf or "good" enuf to do them, ignore those self-defeating thoughts and do one of them anyway. You will feel so good about yourself for oosening those shackles of self-rejection for just a short time.
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Go girl!
