[duqserb]

I am so beyond disgusted with myself that normally I wouldn't even post something like this on a forum for everyone to read. I don't even want to post about it on myspace because only my best friend has an inkling of what I've been dealing with. But normally something like this would go in the most private of diaries because I don't want anyone to know about it.
I ate so much last night that today by body literally HURTS from it. I distended my stomach SO much that it hurts to touch it I feel beyond ashamed with myself and basically a hypocrite. I'm in pharmacy school...I'm going to be a HEALTHCARE professional and advocate that proper diet and exercise is the way to live a long and happy life. And here I am....I can't even control what I put in my mouth. I go all out and stuff myself like I'm a starving child from Africa when in actuality I've been eating these foods my entire life and it wouldn't kill me NOT to eat that tenth slice of pizza! I just don't even know what to say about it anymore. I'm numb....

~D~

[foxxy511]

I don't have an answer for you because I've been known to do the exact same thing and I would love to know why I lose that control.

All I can say is that being disgusted with yourself won't help. You are human. I've seen many posts like yours here (and entered a few of my own in my journal!) You wouldn't come on here and post a reply to someone saying how disgusting they are, would you? Don't say it to yourself! All you can do is try again. As hokey as it sounds, that's what's important.

Do you like reading? I've been reading "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating" by Geneen Roth and I've found it's really helpful. Just remember you can always post here, because I think we definitely understand what you're dealing with..and we're more than willing to lend support!

[Palestrina]

There is a book by Geneen Roth called "Feeding the Hungry Heart." It really helps when I feel like I'm the only person on earth bingeing. I know how horrible you feel right now, eating until you feel sick is more than one can bear sometimes. It can easily be compared to drug addiction, sometimes I feel strung out after eating. We're all here for support.

And just because you're a health care professional does not mean you are not allowed to have health problems.

[foxxy511]

And just because you're a health care professional does not mean you are not allowed to have health problems.

Oh I so agree with this! I've got a degree in psychology and I'm going to school to get my specialist's degree in school psychologist. Even though I've chosen that as my profession doesn't mean I couldn't benefit from some counseling of my own (in fact, our program recommends we get counseling!)

And I'm going to have to check out that other Geneen Roth book...I think she is so great!

[yoyoma]

You are certainly not alone. I've been there. Not only are there plenty of similar confessions on this site, think of the scores of folks who simply haven't confessed. We are human.

See if you can learn from what happened to reduce the frequency and extent of future episodes. The important thing is to learn and move on.

Regarding being a health care professional, I think most folks with eating or weight management issues would rather take advice from someone who can relate to their struggles.

[Cali Doll]

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny

And just because you're a health care professional does not mean you are not allowed to have health problems.

I totally agree! This is a brand new day. Take that hard lesson and use it to do better today. You ARE human and not a robot. It's OK to stumble in this journey as long as you get up again.

[duqserb]

Many thanks to all of you. I do love to read and I'll write down the titles to those Roth books you mentioned. I've read "Overcoming binge eating" by Fairburn but don't think it really helped me. And then I'm also in the middle of "The end of overeating" by Kessler but I haven't gotten to the part of book where it actually explains what I can do to help myself. And with the way school is going I'm not sure I"ll even have time to finish the book. I'm trying not to be too down on myself, I just can't fathom WHY I do it in the first place and that's what makes me feel so bad.

~D~

[christymourning]

I am proud of you first of all for stepping up and posting. Realizing that you have a problem is the first step. I do the same thing and it's scary. I just keep eating and eating, I tell myself that I'll buy portion sized foods and it does not help when you eat 12 portion cups of ice cream!!! I did that last night. It's this never ending circle of abuse. I want you to know you are not alone. We can help eachother no matter our size with this issue because we all suffer from it. Go read my post on binge emergency and if you want to you can join us in the battle, love and light.

[iriswhispers]

I think those of us in healthcare often end up being the WORST as far as taking care of ourselves! I'm in public health, for goodness sakes, and I have these binge episodes like you described as well. But you know it's really a disease, and it affects everyone, not just people who don't know anything about their health!

[KarenLee]

Thanks for your honesty. We have all been there and it takes real courage to tell the truth and share our pain. You are a brave brave woman. With your strength you can accomplish anything!