[KateRN]

I've been struggling with combinations of anorexia and bulimic behaviors since pre-adolescent ages.
sometimes im better than others, but in large part, i'm not well. in and out of treatment, i could write the book on it. but despite KNOWING what i do isnt healthy, and KNOWING how to fix it, i have a very hard time doing it.

i confessed to my boyfriend about it last night. i thought i had been being sneaky with it, and he totally knew. (we live together, dunno why i thought i was being so good at it...) i told him that i was planning on trying to get back into treatment because my behaviors have been so erratic.

his general attitude and the speech he gave me was a "well, then stop. and if you dont just stop, you obviously dont want it. support groups are bull**** and are for weak people. i smoked for 3 years and i just stopped and theres no reason why you cant either. you eat like this because you dont like healthy food and blah blah blah..."

i cant seem to get him to understand that severe long standing eating disorders are rarely ACTUALLY about food and sometimes "just stopping" isnt so easy... you know?

does anyone have any ideas on ways to make him understand?

[Mayson]

Take him to a therapy session and maybe if it came from a proffesional he'd understand better?

Best of luck to you.

[SkinnyGina]

It can be frustrating when loved ones choose, or are just not capable of understanding our problems. The best thing that I can suggest is to politely tell him "I understand that is how you handled your behavior, but I am not set up that way" If he can't possibly think outside of himself to realize that people are different and some may need to do different things to solve their problems, well he doesn't sound to aware in my opinion and you might want to reconsider using him as support.

Best of luck!

[Princess0113]

IMHO what he needs to understand is that dealing with an eating disorder and quitting smoking are two totally different things. i know because i have dealt with both (and still struggle with both).

smoking is an addiction to a substance. it's an addiction not a disorder. some people can quit cold turkey, some people need help like support groups or the patch etc. it has nothing to do with being a strong or weak person. everyone starts smoking and quits for different reasons and in different ways.

eating disorders are typically an emotional/psychological issue (as i'm sure you already know). he should not assume that unhealthy eating habits are the same as an addiction. virtually no one can just wake up one morning and QUIT having an eating disorder.

unfortunately you may never be able to convince him that he's wrong. the key is for you to keep working at it, get the help you need, and don't let his negative and incorrect opinions affect your progress. like a previous post says, try and get him to go to therapy with you, but even if he won't - don't give up! find a friend or family member in your life that you can confide in about your struggles and get your support from that person instead of from him.

btw i don't mean to downplay how much it sucks that he's not supportive - because he should be the one person to love you and support you through any struggle. i'm really sorry hang in there

[scorpio88]

Let him talk to a true anorexic. Anorexia has nothing to do with food as it does to do with psychological reasons and the perception that anything you touch or eat will gain you 5lbs. I should know, I've been struggling with that for a few years now. Not easy.

[HarpoChicoGroucho]

It's hard for people who haven't been through it themselves to understand. Case in point: a certain familly member of mine with a bulimic spouse and 2 anorexic/bulimic children who all lived together STILL doesn't understand it's a disease and an addiction and thinks everyone can just stop whenever they want to.

Why don't you tell him this: Your addiction was with cigarettes. You don't ever have to smoke another cigarette a day in your life. My addiction is with food. I have to eat. I have to eat 3 meals a day. You try having 3 cigarettes a day and see how long it takes you to be up to (1,2,3) packs a day.

I think it's easier for them to understand how difficult it is to shake a food addiction when you tell them you just can't "quit" food. You have to deal with it. You have to limit yourself.

[Lovely]

I'm sorry that he doesn't understand. Also that he doesn't seem to want to understand by his comments.

I just hope that you go through with the treatment that you're seeking regardless of whether or not he "gets it".

[ashisback]

I just wanted to say that I give you props for telling your significant other. I still haven't told mine yet. I don't know that I will anytime soon either.

[KateRN]

thanks for the great advice guys!

[Alexistrophic]

I agree w. HCG: You can't just quit food. Food is something you have to deal with for the rest of your life...

Hoping you can find a way to help your bf understand.