I hope this is allowed here...

Is anyone else recovering from an ED? I am. Almost 18 months ago I managed to beat bulimia (with a few minor slip ups). However, how I did it was by not focusing on eating at all. I promptly gained about 40 pounds. Now I am working at losing my weight the healthy way with no ED. It is hard to not fall victim to this horrible disease.

Is anyone else battling these demons?

I am not 'recovered' from Anorexia, but I'm not in the process of recovering, per se. I am more on the recovered end of the spectrum, and I fight relapse from time to time. You never really recover from any ED - it's like a cigarette smoker who quits cigarettes. At some point, you'll think of them. You'll want them. It never really goes away, so it's a continual fight.

I was never Bulimic, which is just as well, because it didn't suit my goals when I became Anorexic. Bulimia is not the way to go about losing drastic amount of weight. In the majority of cases, Bulimics are at normal weights so it doesn't do anything for them to throw up anyways. Once you binge and all that food hits your stomach, you get the calories anyways... vomiting doesn't clear you of all those calories you ingested, it just gives you rotten teeth and a hole in your esophagus among other problems. You also need a certain mindset to follow Bulimia, as opposed to Anorexia, unless you are the Bulimirexia type. If it comes down to Bulimirexia, I'd just get the heck out of dodge. That one is a zinger.

I guess what I am wondering is how could you gain 40 pounds by not thinking about food? Do you mean you just forgot about the binge/purge cycle and concentrated only on the binge portion of it? Bulimia alone does not account for much weight loss, so the only way to really gain more is to eat more (vomiting aside). The more you binge in general will make you gain weight - no matter if you are vomiting regularly as a Bulimic.

You are right, many bulimics are at normal weights and several are actually over weight.

I had always been a binge eater and developed bulimia. Then I started on a dangerous cycle. I would allow myself a certain amount of calories and anything that I ate over that would be purged, then I would exercise the allowed amount off, often spending hours in the gym just to be on the safe side. At this point in my life alcohol was non-existant (couldn't tolerate the calories, etc.). I did lose quite a bit of weight but I was definately unhealthy. I was on numerous diet pills, etc.

I am the type to obsess over what I eat. I found that if I even tried to count calories I would be overwhelmed by guilt and would punish myself if I ate over a certain amount. I knew that I had to stop with the bulimia so I did that with the help of a therapist and by taking a break from counting calories. Unfortunately that snowballed into me becoming the complete opposite of what I was, I was almost too scared to diet because I didn't want to fall back. During that time I gained the weight.

This is really my first attempt at losing weight again. I have always have the urge to purge but now it is even harder because I am so aware of what I am putting in my body. It's even more of a conscious battle. I also have to fight not to restrict too much. When I see my calories hit 1,000 I feel a sense of failure even though I am aiming for 1200.

At the time it became more important for me not to binge than to be fat. I wish I could find a happy median, that's what I am striving for.

Have you been successful in fighting relapse? How do you stay on track?

Same here. I hit 1000 calories and I'm all, "Yep, I'm good" for the day... but I need more calories. Lately I've been eating a lot of candy, cakes and brownies (and losing weight, somehow). I think it was honestly not the type of food, it was the fact I was upping my calories to around 1000-1200 to 1500 a day. I stalled for the longest time at the 1000-1200 mark and then just added in more candy and voila! Not the healthiest thing to do, but it works.

As far as relapses go... well, if I am upset at something I forget about eating. I put myself in a position where I feel like I don't deserve food, which is the way it always goes for me. I call myself names in my head, I do the whole, "woe is me" thing and refuse to eat. Sometimes this lasts only a day, sometimes longer. I had it going on for years before, but that is a control thing. In fact, it's constantly a control thing not to go back to Anorexia. I think of that as my new control, so it helps me control the relapse. =) I have a few pictures about what I looked like before I hit my worst. Actually, I can just stick that in here. I was 14, 100 pounds and 5'5". You can see the difference between me and my friends.

hey im new here and i was so happy to see a thread related to eds. i can relate on a few levels cuz ive had so many dif aspects of eds the past 9 years. i struggled with anorexia until 4 years ago, which was wen my binging started. the past 4 yrs have been a roller coaster, ive had major binge/restrict cycles, some months of just binging, near relapses to anorexia, and now im bak in binge mode. for the first time that i can remember i want to lose weight the healthy way. i dont want to restrict. i still cant willingly eat more than 1200-1400 cals and that in itself is a huge improvement. i want to make real lifestyle changes. i havent been to my RD in almost a year but im considering going bak. do u see an RD?

Your right... bulimia is not a good weight loss method. I have struggled with it for over 25 years. The only time I had great weight loss was when I exercised and kept the bulimia under control.

I will always use food as my drug.... my coping mechanism. Just need to keep trying to realize this and minimize the damage on the scale. Bulimia is not the answer.

I have been fortunate ... the only lasting effects so far have been weak enamel on my teeth ( although not bad).

I am trying to go longer and longer with out binging, and then not vomit after a binge.

It's a long long road. Hang in there

I also have struggled with bulimia but more as an answer to my binging than as a weight loss mechanism, as i actually have gained 20lbs since I began binging and purging again. I haven't had a relapse in a few weeks and I know I can keep this up as it's just about breaking a cycle I think. I'm hoping to lose the weight I gained through healthy eating and exercise only, as realistically, that's the only way to maintain it! And god you feel so much better, bulimia is AWFUL.

I don't know if what I have even counts as bulimia, I binge very very infrequently, most of the time I just eat SLIGHTLY over my losing range or maintaining range, then purge. I lost a lot of weight while I was doing that, but also restricting food intake to a normal weight loss range, so it was a combination. As soon as I stopped purging, like you, I also stopped stressing about food so much, and I've gained 15 pounds back from my goal. I just started purging again and it's frustrating.

It really is and it gets you nowhere as you retain far more calories than you can purge. I've a history of eating disorders in my family - my mom had anorexia and my sister anorexia and bulimia - so i don't know if the issue of food is in the genes! I don't want to blame my mom at all, but from an early age I was conscious of food and calories when I shouldn't have cared about that sort of thing. I think it's all about retaining control, first with your life and whatever is going on, and food control will shortly follow!

I have been fighting bulimia for almost 7 years. I started purging when I was 15. It got pretty bad then I quit purging, but kept binging. Gained some weight, now I am trying to lose the weight healthy too. Nobody else knows it, but I fight the urge to purge every day eventhough I pretty much have binging under control - for the most part. This is the only place I can go to talk about it because my fiance and I have so many other problems, with trying to make ends meet with a new baby and all.... I can't concern him with this, it would add to the list. This is my support system, and I hope you will find it to helpful for you too : )

I was actually looking for a post like this anywho I dont wanna say I ever had a eating disorder but i definately in the past have shown patterns of disordered eating. Since about middle school I would starve for months losing weight but then eventually binging until I gained it all back. It was once I started HS that I learned how to purge and that unfortunately was one thing that stuck. Some days or even weeks I wouldnt have a problem but other times it would be 4 or 5 times a day if not more. I remember baking a cake and eating the whole thing then purging it all before my mother came home. I've been trying to lose weight the healthy way this time by eating at least 1200 calories a day and although around this board thats thought of as the minimum thats what I can stick to and still feel good and also doesnt tempt me into a binge/purge cycle. It is hard I admit and I'm not perfect just recently I cheated and just like it was nothing I went and purged. I didnt even give it a second thought. It's something Im sure will be with me for a long time

It is possible to purge all your calories and become thin. Did anyone watch the Dr Phil episode last month about Aimee? She is a bulimic who eats up to 15,000 calories per day but she also purges up to 150 or more times per day. She is 28 years old and weighs about 60 pounds. So, yes, it is possible to purge all calories but it would mean continuous vomiting. This poor girl was about to die but they sent her to a treatment center where is getting help now.

Well, I just stumbled across this thread and here goes...

Today I was doing sooooo well, I ate the right foods, didn't have too much, went to the gym and was on the elliptical for 20 mins, the bike for 10mins, and the elliptical for another 10mins, then I did a little leg work at the weight area..

Then it was my boyfriend's dad's birthday...and they had cheese-soaked, grease filled chicken parmesean with white noodles...

If I had had one small serving it would have been fine, but no, I had to have 3 bowls of it.

And we all know what I did after that ..I don't want to trigger anyone..

Anyways, I just had to get it out there that I failed today, but tomorrow will be a different story. I will work harder to have more self-control and stay away from the "bad food" that is ALWAYS at my boyfriend's house. He lives at home, and his mom is obese and his dad is overweight. (He's 21 and in school so I'm okay with him living in the basement..in case anyone was wondering )

I guess from now on I can only go to my boyfriend's house when he is home (he wasn't tonight) so that he can keep me on track. He's the one who keeps me accountable.

I can't keep purging, it is not good for me.

Thanks for reading, like I said, I know it's not the end of the world..it was just one day.

-Liz.

I tend to throw up when i screw up sometimes too but I never have considered myself a bulimic.

Just something I do on occasion.

I hope you get better. Stay strong. I gained a lot of weight after decided to get better (from anorexia) and I'm trying to get it off as well

I have been a bulimic for a long time on & off. I am definitely a binge eater. I got involved with OA-Overeaters Anonymous, and consider myself a compulsive overeater (I'm also a recovering alcoholic so it is not a stretch to be a food addict). I can't eat any sweets. One is never enough. It just gets me started. I've eaten incredible amounts of junkfood at one time and said no more tomorrow. But tomorrow comes and there I go again.

So I haven't eaten sugary foods/desserts/sweets or white flour/pasta which also triggers me since Sept 07--one day at a time. It's just like drinking for me--all or nothing. I've lost 50lbs and my bipolar moods feel more stable (sugar is bad for that also). I try to just accept that I can't eat like other people just for today.

Amy