Want You to Know
 

Sometimes, there are things we wish others close to us could know, even if we have not the courage to open up and tell them face to face. Things about who we really are inside that we so desperately wish we could say...could share...but end up keeping silent about because we are afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of reaction, afraid that once we say it the other person might think of us differently. Some of us may go our entire lives thinking " i wish you could see inside my heart, because then you would really know ", but of course, they can't.

So, you don't have to say who it is to, but if there is something about you that you have always wanted to reveal to someone but are unable to for whatever reason, this is the place to share. i guess i'll start...

1. The reason i hold on so tightly when you hug me is because i know when you finally do let go, i will feel empty inside again.

2. Sometimes i just want you to listen. Not talk, not interrupt, not offer advice or suggestions, not try to fix me. Sometimes all i want is to know i have been heard, even if i'm not understood.

3. i feel too ashamed, too embarrassed, too scared to tell you i don't know how to comfort myself without the food.

4. Not once have i ever felt good enough.

5. You cannot save me from myself, no matter how much you may want to.

6. Even when it doesn't look like it, i am trying, and i'm doing the best that i can in the moment.

OK

1. I'm not "better". I don't really have any motivation to heal (mentally) any more. I don't want to upset other people so I just devote all my energy to pretending.

2. I always wanted to be an actor.

3. I'm uncomfortable being happy. I've been unhappy so long its my natural and preferred state now.

Here goes:

I've been angry ever since I can remember. I need to work through it, or I'll never be able to be happy, or thin, or anything else. I'm so angry that it's making me sick, sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe. I know what's causing it, but I can't bear to talk about it, not to the one person who I should confront. I go through life looking competant and together, but I'm not ok. I will be ok one day, but I'm not yet.

Thanks for this thread. Here's to all you chicks. Thanks for a place I can say what I need to and feel safe. :hug:

1. I still want to act more than anything. LA isn't just my dream because I want to be in production. I want to give it my best shot on camera as well.
2. I'm scared I'm not as good, or as loved, as my sisters. They seem to get all the attention. It's part why I dyed my hair brown. I now stand in the background to their blonde hair (like mine is, naturally). It is only with my own family that I feel this way, but they are the people I love most of all.
3. I'm not good enough for film school. I want to be...I PRAY to be...but I'm scared that I'm not creative or talented.

I'm afraid to put my everything into anything, because I couldn't deal with life anymore if i did and found out that it wasn't good enough.

you are all good and wonderful beautiful people, and your pain means something to me.

1) I want everyone who knows im dieting...to stop pressuring me....no im not always going to eat somthing thats good for me......but im trying....i really am....and its hard....hard to not put my fingers down my throat when i get ridiculed by everyone about my eating habits....i cant stand it!!! And im so afraid im going to let everyone down...im no longer doing this for myself!!! im just so...i dont even know the word for it!! I have a problem with eating....and throwing up....my fiance said he would not be with me if he EVER found out i was doing this (just in a general convo) and i want him to know so bad....but im scared of his reaction.....

good thread...
"I'm afraid to put my everything into anything, because I couldn't deal with life anymore if i did and found out that it wasn't good enough."

That is basically me. How do I tell my husband that I'm never going to fully trust or love him because the chance that he may hurt me is enough to keep me on guard, potentially forever?

Or tell my parents that even though I'm grown, I feel they have deserted and orphaned me and there is a part of me that will hate them forever for it, and another part of me that honestly believes I will never see them again.

or my friend how jealous I am of the amazing friends she has? I keep people pushed away so far that I have no one and have gotten to a point where I've convinced myself I prefer it that way.

Worst of all - how could I tell anyone about the true amount of food I eat, all the secret things I do to sabotage myself?