[keeponkeepingon]

Okay,
so about two weeks ago, i got hit by a car while riding my bike. i'm very lucky, i escaped with minor injuries and 4 stitches-my bike was not so lucky
ANYWAY...since then, i have been totally derailed and eating like cr*p. i'm so disappointed with myself and so angry at the woman who hit me, because right before the accident, i was doing really well.
thursday night and last night were bad, bad, bad...on thursday i went out for beer-which i try not to drink, but could not resist sitting on a patio and drinking several. i shared chicken wings and like a cheese and meat plate with my friend. which was enough for dinner-but i guess not for me!! on my way home, i stopped and got two HUGE slices of pizza. i came home to eat them and then had a cup of hot chocolate, a bowl of ice cream with blueberries and half a chocolate bar. boo
and then last night-i had an early dinner with my dad-cheezy pasta, sooo bad. but i was good and brought half of it home...which i ate as soon as i got home. and then after visiting with a friend, i thought it would be a really good idea to eat an entire 10" frozen pizza.
this is the worst it has been for me-and oddly, it feels like it is getting worse as i make more and more effort to change things around. it's the habit and the addiction holding on for dear life...
phew. okay, thanks.

[searsha]

Saturday, 28 July 2007
Hi there, thanks for sharing.I hope it helps that you got all that off your mind. I know for me, when I even pick up the pen to write or the phone to call someone, the addiction diminishes in me just enough to make a difference.

Seems like you’ve been through the wringer – both physically and emotionally. That’s high trauma you’ve just experienced, and I can SO SO relate to how I would reach out to old behaviours in the midst of what probably amounts to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. You poor thing.
I think I’d be bouncing off walls if I was you – a cyclist is so vulnerable up against fast moving metal! Funny enough, I’m just in the process of buying a city run around bike; yet Dublin traffic is notorious, and I was just thinking how you’d need your wits about you on the road. Maybe you were protected from worse by the fact that you were healthy and well around food. Do be gentle with yourself. Beating myself up comes easy to me, but it keeps me in bad food too.
In my early days of AA, I was told to ‘fake it til I make it’ in terms of being kind to myself. You should have seen me – a comical sight – stomping into shops to buy - say expensive bath oil and moaning about the cost! Might seem trivial but learning to do these small things for myself helped build up some badly needed self esteem.

Now, as I begin this new surrender around food and compulsive overeating and an often overwhelming desire to binge, I’m reminded of the good people who were put my way in those early shaky alcohol free days. I wasn’t able to join the dots back then, I thought they were nuts – what did bath lotion or gym membership have to do with drink?? But I followed suggestions, and I’ve been sober for 12 and a bit wonderful years now.

So I’m trying to be gentle and kind and non-judgemental on me for now. I’m only 33 days abstinent, and it’s great, but fragile and strange and scary too. All I do know for sure is that I can't do this on my own.

I’ve been getting so much help around this forum. Even your imaginative username helps me – keeponkeepingon!

Take care. Keep posting.