Hey gals I need some advice and info. This may sound silly to you (I don't mean that in a bad way ~ just lack of knowledge on my part)...but can a person be anorexic and/or bulimic? I am a little confused and my wife said she thinks my step-daughter could be both. Is that possible?
What should we look for? Lara told a girl friend last year (her senior year in high school) that she was bulimic...her friend told her mom (fine with that) who told my wife Angie...my step-d said she was...you know...puking...but is over it...not sure here.
My wife seems to think she may not be over it...after a year in New York for college...she isn't sure. We see her eat, small portions of chicken and rice, etc. plus ice cream bars.
We are really confused and concerned...there is more to it too...she doesn't want to go back to school in New York...was going to transfer to live and school with BF ....a lot involved here for me to try and explain.
Yes. You can be both, you can also have eating issues that aren't 100% one or the other and that is termed an Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.
It doesn't matter how much she weighs. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE FAT OR THIN to have an eating disorder. "Pure" anorexics tend to be very thin, but some people start becoming anorexic at high weights and might not have their diagnosis taken seriously by people who have pre-concieved notions about this. Most bulimics tend to be of normal weight to slightly overweight. Those who have binge eating disorder tend to be overweight. And people who fall somewhere in between all of this could weight anything.
If you and your wife are concerned, I would talk to her about it. I have confided in my parents. But only once it got so bad I couldn't function in my everyday life anymore. I finally just admitted to myself and them that I needed help and couldn't deal with this on my own anymore. (That was about 9mos ago or so). There is always something more going on when somebody has an eating disorder. It isn't about the food. It isn't about the weight. If Lara has an eating disorder I can guarantee you that there is something troubling her in her life. Maybe it is bf issues, or depression, or anxiety, or a million things. The way that that can all get expressed sometimes is through taking it out on something else, like food and your body.
Again, if she does have an ED she needs to get some help from professionals and her family and talk to someone about what is really going on.
I wish you, Angie, and Lara all the best and hope that everything is alright and/or everything works out well.
Yup, you can be both... most people with eating disorders DO practice both. And it's true - you don't need to be in a specific weight range to have them. I started my eating disorders while weighing 165, but they weren't given a name or attention until I hit 115. No one even saw them as actual problems until I got "too" thin, even though I had the same issues and mindset the entire time. After all, most anorexics and whatnots have to start somewhere, don't they?
She does need help if she has an ED. I never got professional help for mine, and it CAN be resolved without it (albeit, the mindset is something I have to fight every day, but this is true with most ED people), but her journey will be much more smooth if she has help and support.
You can be both -- I have been Highest weight extreme binging, lowest weight refusing to eat for the most part and still binging/purging more times than I care to mention.
Since she isn't coming to you, I would definitely have a talk with her -- very open and nonconfrontational (which I know you can do ). She needs counseling, support. Sometimes, unfortunately, family isn't enough. Even if she is only beginning or tells you she doesn't do it "all the time", make sure she knows it's still a serious matter.
Good luck guys. I wish my parents had cared as much as you two do -- you are awesome!!!
I'm not a doctor, but as someone with substantial experience with anorexia and bulimia, I know that both diseases involve control as much as weight loss; you say she eats small portions of various foods, but that could be her way of controlling her situation if she is inflexible about eating other things. Also, she may have anorexic periods between bulimic purges. If you're worried, trust your gut.
Thank you all so much for your help! Don't stop! I am reading and believing every word.
My step-daughter has many issues in her life that could "trigger" this. Her mother and I are never sure on what is really true sometimes though in her life.
Trying here to be to the point ~ My step daughter is VERY VERY dramatic...cries wolf a lot. We never know what to believe anymore. When she told her friend that she was bulimic...she told us that it wasn't true...she just said it for attention. This was a year ago. She went off to college in New York. Now that she is home for summer we see how thin she is...not our imagination either.
She is a thin girl anyway...not too thin though...went away to college and did not gain an ounce towards the fresman 15...did not do ANY exercise after growing up playing soccer and softball year round...did not gain...has been caught drinking ~ maybe way too much...no gain.
Her father is very very controlling...she always lets him down ~ no matter what the situation is...softball...soccer...piano...drama class...academics. She is a good student and very athletic...just not a superstar as HE sees it. He places her on a pedestal and only he is allowed to knock her off of it...which...creates issues in our home because...
we make her live by our house rules...do chores, clean up your own mess, etc...she does not have to do them at her dad"s (she is a
only child and has a maid)...so....I am the evil step-father because I make her or try to anyway...be responsible...so
she hates me and her dad....She is very stubborn to do what she wants...her dad has convinced her that she is ABOVE everyone else...not in our house...you are just one of six! So we battle...
My main concern is her health....not a clean bedroom.
Yes, although some anorexics don't binge neccessarily, they may purge the small amounts of food they do eat, and they are categorized as ED-NOS. They're are many grey areas when it comes to eating disorders. I've also been at all extremes of the various eating disorders. Anyway, the important thing is that all are life-threatening, and she needs to seek professional treatment, especially if she's had anorexia for more than a year. Since she's in college, it's more difficult to analyze her eating habits, but for the time you do see her, you should pay close attention (it seems you are, but even closer).
It may be a little unsavory, but I'll give you some physical symptoms of bulimia you can look for with her. Look at her knuckles. Look for unusual marks such as bruises, teeth marks, and discolorations. The blood vessels in and around her eyes may be broken (red or purplish in color -- very tiny). She may be experiencing swelling in her cheeks and jowl area. Her nose and the area around her mouth may appear irritated and red. She may cough and sniff more than usual. And finally, if you have access to a toilet she frequently uses, check for a greasy or weird looking film in the water. This film remains after the person flushes away the vomit. This film is only the remnants of vomit not of a bowel movement (unless the person is on xenical or alli -- but this I only assume; regular laxatives don't have the same effect).
Good luck! Keep us posted and let us know if you need any more information
We never know what to believe anymore. When she told her friend that she was bulimic...she told us that it wasn't true...she just said it for attention. This was a year ago. She went off to college in New York. Now that she is home for summer we see how thin she is...not our imagination either.
Just a word on "I just said it for attention" - I've never known anyone who actually said things like that for attention. I had some serious mental health issues in high school, and when called on them (cutting, suicide threats, etc) I always said I was doing them for attention so as not to get caught/because I was confused about what I wanted. And even if she was making things up for attention, the fact that she would create a fictional eating disorder to get attention indicates serious problems that would also need to be addressed. Just my 2 cents from someone who used to "make things up for attention" when really, I was just crying out for help.
AGAIN ~ Thanks so much! You gals are the GREATEST! That is why I knew I could come here and get the information on this issue. I know how I can irritate some/all of you at times.
The key on things to look for are really going to help.
Lara is a me - me - me all about me person. If the conversation is not about her, she will try any way she can to turn it to her...when that part of the conversation is then over, she leaves it. So as I said before, we never know if her actions are cries for help or just her being her...the drama thing.
We did get her into counesling after her remark. Because she was 18 she was able to decide on her own to go or not. We found out after a couple of sessions that she had quit, that she didn't need it, then we find out that her dad talked her out of it ~ HOW WOULD IT LOOK IF "HIS" DAUGHTER NEEDED HELP...kind of guy...counseling would make her "weak".
We have had her in to counesling over the years for the issues at our home too...such as her mom left her dad (not her) when she was a baby ~ because of mental and verbal abuse ~ I know these words can get thrown out there very easily these days but in this case it is true ~ he has had 2 other marriages that have lasted less than a year and countless relationships that have failed. Also on how to fit into our household with a step-dad and 2 new siblings....she became a part of our family at 6...split time 50/50 with us and her dad. Her dad lives close to us. Any how her dad always found ways to get her out of counesling by putting pressure on her.
There is also such a wide range of behaviors. Attention seeking is I think more likely to be a real warning sign than a drama queen "making it up"
After my freshman year in college I spent the summer eating about 800 cal/day (and oh so healthy too....glass of milk for breakfast, fat-free cream cheese and jelly sandwich for lunch, wendy's baked potato with ranch dressing for dinner (worked there) and pop tart for bed time.) But I think that part of it was more lack of knowledge than anorexic behavior.
But I did binge and if I binged I purged. I worked at wendy's when they had the taco/pasta salad bar and I remember several times stuffing myself until I was too sick to go back to work and then purging.
I've never had a repeat of anorexic behavior, but I still do struggle with binging. Every once in a blue moon in my 20's I would purge when I felt sick from eating but for some reason 20 weeks of horrendous morning sickness with dd seems to have cured that. I can not throw up voluntarily anymore - even when I have food poisoning and I know it would just feel better if I got it over with.
Angie here-
I was away visiting my mom when Gary posted his question. Thank you all for your advice.
I am constantly questioning Lara about here eating habits. She is a sugar junkie. She will eat cookies, ice cream, etc over "dinner" any day. She rushes off to work in the morning for a 6-hour shift and doesn't even think about eating breakfast or taking anything for lunch-- But will go to "Cinnabon" for break and eat one of those buns with a sugary soda.
I am worried because she has lost weight these past 4 months and she has lousy eating habits.
I have also been strongly "recommending" (without nagging) that she get back into counseling. Unfortunately, she is resisting and since she is 19 I cannot make an appointment for her (I already tried). I even offered to go with her.
I will keep my eyes and ears open and once again----THANKS!!!
One sign to look for is if she's always carrying a toothbrush around with her. Is she really fussy about her teeth?
My younger sister is a recovering Bulimic, and we always thought she was just really good with her dental hygiene. One of the big issues with bulimics brushing their teeth after a binge is that they're just rubbing the acids into the enamel. We all got suspicious when my younger sister started to bring a small bottle of mouthwash everywhere she went.
Its little signs like that, and they will add up and make you more and more suspicious. In the end, my sister's boyfriend at the time ended up telling my parents about it. That's how she got help, that's how she's gotten into recovery though.
Help ~ Is She One Or The Other?
Highest weight extreme binging, lowest weight refusing to eat for the most part and still binging/purging more times than I care to mention. 
irritate 
20 weeks of horrendous morning sickness with dd seems to have cured that. I can not throw up voluntarily anymore - even when I have food poisoning and I know it would just feel better if I got it over with.
