I am trying to get out of this, I really am but sometimes I just can't control it and I will start to fast. I've been off and on like this since I was thirteen and I am twenty now almost twenty-one and it's really hard to not fast... that might sound weird to people but it's true.
Anyway whenever I am fasting I usually get caught or someone offers me food and since I have a history of being anorexic and people know that, and I've lost a lot of weight lately people are suspicious. So I will eat in front of them, but then I end up binging really bad. So I end up starving, binging, starving, binging. I'd actually like to get out of them both, but I would also like a successful fast and I have a feeling I won't stop trying to fast unless I can finally finish it.
This week I am trying this diet called the Cabbage Soup Diet and I hope maybe if I lose weight on it, because you are supposed to maybe it will get me out of this starve and binge thing. Luckily I haven't gained anything from it yet, but I know I'm ruining my metabolism and it's all going to catch up with me again like it did last time.
Saying you are going on a 'fast' or the cabbage soup diet is simply starvation -- though worded differently. You're just grasping at straws to make it seem healthier or to heed some sort of approval. But if you truly want to stop the starve, binge cycle -- take care of the first part first -- stop starving. Once you adequately begin to nourish your body, the physical need to binge will go away, and if you have emotional reasons, you'll have to begin to work through them, preferably with professional guidance.
I'm a former starve/binge person, now I'm just a sometimes binge person, but HarpoChicoGroucho is right, you can't really address binge eating until you are adequately and consistently nourished.
Please talk to your doctor or medical team or someone you trust re the history of anorexia in relation to this idea of the cabbage soup diet and how you think it will help you.
You'll never get out of this funk until you stop starving, and figure out ways to handle life etc without bingeing.
Its a nasty situation, because it gets to be your way of life, what you identify yourself with...a rather lethal habit, if you will. You might think about some kind of therapy to figure out the emotional roots of why you abuse your body with food?
I know why I do it, it's because I've never had a boyfriend. I am twenty-one years old, have never kissed a guy, never held hands with a guy... twelve year olds have more experience than me. It started when I was thirteen, and I was pretty then but that was when I was a tom boy and never brushed my hair, had a really bad unibrow and very bushy eye brows. But a girl told me I would never get a boyfriend because I was ugly and back then when I was thirteen I thought it was because I was fat even though I wasn't. I was only 105 but all the other girls my age were in the eighties or nineties but I was also tall for my age. One day my older sister waxed my eyebrows for me and put my hair up and I looked good. People agreed with it.
But then when I gained all the weight it was gone. I keep my hair up and my eyebrows thin and even wear makeup but until I get rid of this bloat in my face I won't look good. I know this because I have plenty of pictures. There are people who look good no matter what their weight is, I know that. My sister is a good example of that, she was overweight and was beautiful, and then lost a lot weight and got even more beautiful.
But every time someone calls me ugly or I see a couple really close I start it all over again. I could be wrong, now that I am older and I might not ever get that look again but I can't know unless I try. I want to lose 18 pounds but I think even ten pounds will do it because when i went up to between 115 and 120 I still looked good. I just have to learn how to lose it healthily, and not starve.
This weekend when I was walking the trails two little boys about twelve rode past me on their bikes and one made puking noises and the other one shouted: "Ugly!" and they laughed which sent me into another fast, which got ruined by my sister yesterday.
Again, I know if I lose the weight I might not be pretty like I was when I was thirteen but I might as well try. I'm sick of ugly jokes though, I had thought even at the weight I am now I wouldn't get made fun of for it anymore but I still have the bloat.
But the cabbage soup diet I found has fresh vegetables in it, and fresh beef in it and I can make the beef chunks as big as I like. I don't think you are supposed to put beef in it all the time but the one I found said it is ok to once and a while, so I plan on it the whole time. Also you are supposed to eat a variety or fruits and vegetables while on it and at the end of it you can eat meat if you want. It's a lot better then fasting and I would like to try it. If it doesn't work then I will find another way.
People, especially kids, can be cruel. I bet you look great but maybe they can see your lack of confidence and view you as a prime target.
I think you should forget the dieting and get tough!
Join a martial arts or kick boxing type class and learn to kick these kids butts with nothing but a glance!
Read some great books like SARK and Julia Cameron's the Artist's Way and become the chick you want to be! Then, I bet prince charming will come and be wowed by you! (((hugs)))
I doubt when I am walking down the street people can tell I lack confidence so that's why they start barking at me... no I truly am ugly and even if I still am at 110 or 115 I will be happy that I at least finally managed to get to my goal weight. But as long as I stop getting jealous over couples and stop taking peoples rude comments to heart then I can stop fasting. But it's a trigger.
That's why I joined these forums to find some other diet plans too, I am going to try the cabbage soup one and if it doesn't I know there are so many more on this site because I've been reading through them already. But I've also been like this for almost eight years now so it's really hard to just call it quits too. Plus I still have a belly, and I want to get rid of it.
But I am strong, lol. If I believed in violence there are a lot of people who would be in pain right now. I work in a factory and ever since I started working there I have gotten really strong. I surprise people actually when I lift heavy things because you can't tell that I am. People call me a weakling all the time so I prove them wrong by lifting something heavy. I've also got muscle in my legs from all the walking I've done.
But unfortunately I don't hit people and I believe in forgive and forget. It really hurt when those twelve year boys made that comment but they are just kids and so I have forgiven them. A guy my age made fun of me just the other night and I have already forgiven him for it. That's just me.
Always binge
I work in a factory and ever since I started working there I have gotten really strong. I surprise people actually when I lift heavy things because you can't tell that I am. People call me a weakling all the time so I prove them wrong by lifting something heavy. I've also got muscle in my legs from all the walking I've done.