I've posted here many times for over a year. I'm SO embarrassed by my actions that I registered a new username to remain incognito.

I'm BEGGING for your input and help if you have ANY knowledge of purgeing.

Yesterday, I binged. This is nothing new for me. It is a constant struggle. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.

What is new is that I actually purged. What REALLY scares me is that I felt almost "high" afterwards. I "felt" thinner. I felt in control. Also, I lost weight. That terrifies me. This feeling that I can eat what I want, purge and lose weight. I can really understand how those feelings can be addictive. God knows, I don't need this.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share your knowledge of the NEGATIVES of purgeing. I need to "hear" this. Because now I am thinking of the positives.
I don't want to fall down this slippery slope.

This sent a shiver right through me: "What is new is that I actually purged. What REALLY scares me is that I felt almost "high" afterwards."

I know that feeling all too well. I'm 34, was bulimic at age 9, anorexic by the time I was 12. Hmm...negatives of purging...

The acid will burn your throat, stomach, teeth and mouth and cause permanent damage to those areas. You can suffer heart complications from purging because electrolytes/potassium levels are WAY off. Most purgers GAIN weight as opposed to losing weight. Most bulimics gain an average of 30lbs in their lifetime while b/p-ing. The weight loss is water mostly so you haven't really lost any fat. And if I remember my recovery info correctly, your body absorbs calories a lot faster than you're able to purge the food.

It's a great moment after, you will feel thinner, but it won't last. I'm 100 pounds overweight because of it. Contrary to some beliefs, I think it makes you gain weight incredibly fast -- I could never make myself do it, I would just keep eating until my body would do it on it's own. I have not purged in over 12 years but the skin on my chin is still discolored and will probably always be from this. I never developed proper eating habits because I was too fixated on my next binge. Stop now, it really doesn't solve our problems, it just adds to them. Good luck.

On a different note I think you should be getting professional help.With their help you can work through why you are doing this.
Please don't take that as a negative,I am concerned,not judging.

I don't know how old you are, but if you want to have kids someday, purging is a great way to mess up your body so badly, that you can't. On that note, I don't think you'd ever want your kids to witness a purge. I, on the other hand found my mom when I was 9 years old, dead on the bathroom floor because she'd given herself a heart attack from inducing vomiting so frequently. It wasn't a pretty site. I know thats a worst case scenario, but purging is such a slippary slope. You go from doing it only when you binge, then it turns into only when you *feel* like you *need* it, then its after every meal, and then its even when you've eaten hardly anything at all. Purging will rot your teeth out of your head, destroy the lining of your esophogas. When you purge you lose potasium, and when you lose potasium you damage your heart muscles, and when you have weakened heart muscles, you put yourself at risk for a heart attack...every time you purge. Headaches, electrolyte imbalances are also something you can look forward to if you continue to purge. I hope you make a better choice next time! I know lots of recovering bullemics that make the promise to themselves that even if they binge, or feel fat, or need to feel a release, they won't under ANY circumstances purge. You owe that much to yourself to keep that promise. Start there. Good luck!

I've struggled with bulimia for a long time, and it SUCKS. You feel in control the first time, and then it goes SO FAST. Don't go there, its not worth it, it doesn't work... Anyway, remember WHY you want to be thin. For your health. Not for a guy, not to look like a stick, but for YOU and for your HEALTH. You know better than that. Good luck darling.

Thank you SO much to everyone who posted! I really appreciate it.

paperdollme---I'm SO sorry to hear about your mother! OMG! That is SO sad. Thank you for sharing your experience. It will definitely help me (and maybe others) keep from purgeing.

When I feel weak I will come back and read all of this.

If anyone else has other information about purgeing (the negative aspects of) please continue to share. I know it helps me and may help others who struggle

Thanks for your concern. You may be right. I may need professional help. I've only done this once but was sufficiently scared to reach out for help here. I'm hoping and praying that the support here will help keep me from needing further help.

You are so right paperdoll. Purging will really mess you up and even kill you. I'm to read about what happened to your Mother. It also happened to a friend of mine who was only 24 years old. Such a tragic loss of life. It is NOT worth it. Please get help!

There are a lot of good stories here. I was bulimic for 3 years in college and I have so many great side effects from it:

- gallstones which resulted in gallbladder surgery

- a dead metabolism

- hair loss

- cavities

- depression

- heart palpatations

- migraines

I could go on, but you get the idea. I am now 2+ years recovered and though some days I am so, so tempted... I remember all those great "benefits" I got from binging and purging. If I had just lost weight the old fashioned way, I probably wouldn't have lost 40 lbs, but gained back nearly 70. Because my metabolism is so messed up, I have to work extra hard now to get it back to normal. I gain weight like it's going out of style.

I know it's tempting. I have so been there and I feel what you are saying... but it's just not worth it. I looked good, but I was miserable and dead on the inside.

I'm glad you can see how serious it is! I didn't post what happened to my mom so I could throw a pity party for myself...but I think people need to understand that bulimia kills. It kills people you love, and it could in turn kill you. It's just something to think about.

I know my mom had eating issues (obviously!) and I've had eating issues, and the other day...I saw my 11 year old sister catch her reflection in a window and do the turn-and-stare-at-butt-then-frown...and it made me honestly ill. I think behavior can be learned, and I think that it can affect people close to you, even if you *think* you are being diligent in hiding your symptoms. So even if its not enough to do it for your own health, think about the people you come in contact with every day!

Oh, and just a quick note on getting professional help....

I know seeing a therapist for my eating disorder was the most beneficial thing I could have done for my recovery. I highly recommend it. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find a therapist that you *click* with, but you'll know. Try your local university for referals. There are lots more eating disorder specific therapists out there that specialize in this stuff, and I think thats a good place to start if youre seriously looking into therapy! Hope this helped!

How ironic that this was posted. I have been struggleing with my weight for years. As long as I remember. The bad part is, I would love to be back to my high school weight, and I thought I was so fat then.

Yesterday I purged for the first time. Afterwards, I too felt high. Today I am terrified. My throat hurts, my face is a mess from broken blood vessles, I feel like crap. I came back here for support, and looks like I came to a good thread. I do not want to go down this road. Today I called my Dr, and I told them what happened. I was a nervous wreck telling them, but I feel a bit better now. A bit in control. What will later bring? I do not know. I jsut hope I can keep up the courage to not purge again.

First let me say, those of you who had the courage to come on here and post that you purged, and you need help have already shown amazing strength by doing just that. It's clear that you have the will power and strength to do this the healthy way and we are all here to help you

My sister Samantha was bulemic in high school and college, and the emotional toll that it took on her, and my whole family has been devastating. I have 5 sisters and the youngest one, Alex has always envied Samantha since she was always so thin and they look very much alike. Alex is 15 now and she still has body image issues and eating issues, because of watching Samantha binge and purge for all those years. My mother feels enormous guilt to this day and honestly I could go on, and on about how it has effected us. Samantha has tear in her esophagus and gags constantly, she has bad skin, and constant stomach aches and who know whether she will be able to have children, and what other affects it will have on her for the rest of her life.

It's not worth it, nothing is. You are all stronger than this and you need to tell yourself that every time you are tempted to purge. Look in the mirror and say "I am stronger than this". I believe in each one of you, and we are all here for you when ever you need to talk about anything. .

I applaud you for your strength in admitting and seeking help. I can only imagine how much courage that took for you.

However, because you asked for negatives, I shall oblige.

My boyfriend's only sister Louise was a binge/purger from the time she was 13. At 17, she passed away after she had 3 major heart attacks in a row in the back of an ambulance on her way to Urgent Care. All the damage she had done to her body caused everything to shift into an imbalance, and she was depriving her organs of food vital to their function.

You are stronger than this. Whether you know it or not, you ARE strong enough to overcome this. Whether your struggle is with compulsive overeating or with binging/purging, we're all fighting different battles within the same war.