I got this from a male friend of mine....mens rules....it's funny....funny in a "men are idiots" kinda way....I just couldnt let it pass...so I wrote some answers to send back...I need help with the starred (***) one....I cant think of anything....little help? and yeah, he did say they were all numbered 1. on purpose.
( my answers are in the parenthesis)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
( Leave the seat alone and sit your *** down while peeing...the splash factor
combined with the fact that.none of you has learned for sh** how to aim means you invariably deposit urine where it oughtn't be.The only reason NOT to sit down is if your private isnt long enough to bend over and point down....if thats the case, you have more serious problems to deal with.)
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it
be.
( And so is PMS....when you quit blaming it for everything YOU do that pisses
us off....we'll leave nascar alone.)
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.
("Think" being the operative ( and most ridiculous) word here.)
1. Crying is blackmail.
(So is acting like an a**hole until we get tired and give in....it's all relative)
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
(....and with men, most of the time SAYING it doesnt work....it just refers us
back to #2)
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
( and yet the more we say no......the more you whine...go figger)
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
********
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
( Well since you said subtle hints don't work, here ya go: we don't want to
sleep with you. Feel better?)
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
(we agree....that way our headache can become a new problem
everyweek....no need to see a doctor!)
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.
( The minute any ONE of you has ANYTHING in common with a soap opera
guy, we will wear thongs to CHURCH- fair enough? )
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
(....And if we think you're stupid can we go on the same premise?)
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
(....WHAT would we need you for then?Grunt labor is your big draw.)
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
(Are you crazy? Commercials are probably the most intelligent thing we ever
hear inside our houses....why ruin that?)
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
(He also got shipwrecked, lost 9 ships, thought he was going someplace
entirely different and took credit for a bunch of stuff
he didnt do.....Way to pick a role model guys.)
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.
(Trust us...we're not at all surprised you understand us best when we use
single syllable word like blue, green and red.)
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
( Well, if somebodies gotta touch it....better you than us.)
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
( Amazing....you KNOW we're lying about that, but when we say "You're the
best I've ever had", you actually believe it.)
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
( See # 17 )
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.
( We're going on the premise here that water seeks its own level....again,
since we don't like subtle hints let's put it this way "most of the time it's YOU
that needs to change")
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
meant the other one.
( Do you actually think we believe you're smart enough to think up 2
meanings on ANY topic?)
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
(The word "braintrust" comes to mind right about now.)
1. You have enough clothes.
( As soon as that ALSO applies to tool....then we'll talk )
1. You have too many shoes.
( again.....tools.)
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
( Of course it is....we like you like that (again, see #17))
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I
have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you
know men really don't mind that? It's like
camping.
( Finally....a night we don't have to fake a headache.)
