When people just don't get it...
 

...a Gabe pulls out her wings.

For serious. I love my family and my friends; they've all been super supportive, and awesome, and I wouldn't trade them for all the quatloos on Triskelion, but heck if they just sometimes don't understand what it is that I'm doing. And since I can't lose it on them (you know, because of decency and social mores and stuff), here I am, in the forums, venting.

I straight up calorie count. I mean, I try to be healthy-ish overall, but my only rule is calories. I've lost a hundred and thirty three pounds so far with almost no pain or deprivation. If the proof is in the pudding, then I'm Bill-freakin'-Cosby, all right? All right.

Man, I could totally eat some pudding right now. But I digress.

The first annoyance is my sister, who, again, has been super supportive, and I love her. But she's never really had a problem with her weight. Heck, when she was in high school, she had to deliberately gain weight. I have never had that problem. So, when I go to visit her, and she wants to go out for breakfast, she doesn't seem to understand my thought process.

"Oh, they have granola!" Yes, because granola is well-known for not being totally filled with calories. And it's also crack. She'll also recommend avocados and fried fake sausage. It's like she looks at something, sees that it's healthy, and then immediately determines that it's something I can easily eat. Calories don't count or her; only naturalness does. And it's hard to explain that, no, I'm simplifying it to one number.

Same with my friends. One of them is starting the weight loss journey herself, except she has way less to lose. She's kind of doing the calories thing. Sort of. Except she's also doing the natural foods thing with it, which makes it about seven billion times harder. Which is fine, except that whenever I talk about it, I feel like the unhealthiest person in the world. Because my lunch is sometimes cheese and crackers, and I've been known to save room for coffee.

Another one of my friends isn't doing a weight loss thing, but upon hearing what I've had today immediately goes, "OMG, you need more protein!" I'll admit, an Atkins follower I am not. But my day starts with a Greek yogurt, progresses into (for instance) some goat cheese on crackers, and ends with a sandwich that has both chicken and cheese on it. I mean, there are still plenty of carbs, but there's also some protein in there. Just based on my quick calculations, I'm totally meeting these guidelines. And I hate her a little bit for making me do math to prove it, because I don't like to do math. Unless it's counting calories.

Fortunately, my mom seems to get it, and so do a couple of other friends (one of whom is doing his own journey! :carrot:). But, man, when people don't get calorie counting, they really don't get it.

I agree. Calorie Counting is just one form of moderation.

I too TRY to make healthy choices - but moderation is the key and it is better to eat something that will satisfy me both physically and emotionally. So in my mind it is better to feel good about your diet rather than deprived.

The only time I eat something that is good for you with a high caloric value is when I am not hungry at all but I need to fill in calories at the end of the day - like almonds. But an ounce of almonds does not fill me up when my stomach is growling.

Vent away Gabe. That is what this place is for.

I really think it confuses people. It makes it simple for you and I b/c the math makes sense but some people don't like to play the numbers game. I feel you though, mention a calorie and some people look at you like you're using profanity. :dizzy:

I totally understand what you are talking about!!!!

I have a group of friends right now that I know through meetup. A lot of our meetups are centered around food. Since I've been calorie counting, I've declined all of our meetups which involve restaurants and potlucks. One of my friends CONTINUES to invite me, week after week, to dinner out at <insert restaurant here> or potluck at <person's house>. And these restaurants are usually local mom and pop eateries - where nutrition information is not readily available. And since the group has quite a few foodies, the restaurants aren't usually "Sally's Super Salads"...lol.

It's making me feel bad because I keep declining her invites, but she knows what I'm trying to do in terms of my weight loss - so at some point I am hoping she stops asking!

HAHA, a Trekkie ;)

sorry double post

I totally understand. I have someone in my life who is always trying to get me to eat things that are "healthy" but obviously high in calories. She say, "This fancy sandwich has olive oil coated bread with herbs, sauteed veggies (in more oil), and melted cheese. It is so good and the ingredients are good for you." I'm thinking, sure veggies and olive oil are good for you, but that overloaded oil-drenched sandwich is so full of calories. I'm not eating it (unless I was into sandwiches, but I'm not). I'm counting calories based on meal allowances, with occasional exceptions that I plan for in advance. I don't like keeping a food diary or obsessing over what I eat. Now I just focus on each meal that I eat, focusing on my calorie goals that individual meal. For example, I keep my breakfast under 250 calories, which is usually not hard for me. Today I ate 160 calories. I'll usually make up the calories with a snack.

Your post was great. It made me click on your blog link. I wanted to read more about your journey! Sadly, I can't access your blog at work.

I just wanted to post to let you know that I do feel you. I haven't had a lot of negative comments, but I've shut down loved ones rather quickly when I hear "Are you supposed to eat that?" *sigh*

I calorie count because I do not believe in 'forbidding' myself any food. There is no way I can do that long term. It's working for me, that's all that matters.

I definitely empathize....I calorie count and I am vigilant about it. Every morsel. If I don't do it this way, I won't lose weight, it's that simple this is what works for me. And I am really enjoying my journey this time.

I am always amazed at how everyone has an opinion about this, that I should consider other methods of weight loss instead;, WW is better, or atkins would be better, etc. I am losing 1.3 lbs a week on average, which to me is awesome. I'm doing it the right way because the scale shows the numbers going down, and not in drastic fashion. How on earth is that wrong?!?

I had a cookies and cream milkshake and four fried chicken nuggets for lunch. I know exactly how many calories were in my meal, and I can keep it within plan, and it made me happy, and I don't feel a lick of guilt about choosing it over, say, an avocado/olive oil/sparkly-antioxidant salad. That's what I love about calorie counting...and that's why I take a multivitamin.

I figure I'll work on the health foods when I'm not so pudgy that a long flight of stairs inspires trembling. Anyway, I just looked up the nutrition info on that milkshake to make sure it wasn't way higher than I thought...and it turns out my luxury lunch was probably the most protein I've had in days. And calcium...yay calcium!

(And you're right about granola being crack.)

That's exactly how I am--I need to be able to have the things that I like without it being off plan. Calorie counting's the only way for me to do it. And I'm actually updating my blog again, so woot.

And, Nibbles, yeah, exactly. I take a multivitamin every morning because I'll go absolutely nuts if I feel like I have to worry about every single little thing that I'm supposed to be eating. And, hey, I can have the occasional dinner of tortilla chips and salsa, and it's still on-plan!

Also, regarding being a Trekkie? Guilty as charged. The marriage didn't stick, but my ex's love of Star Trek sure did. Le sigh.

Yeah. Same here. I've been going down about two-ish pounds a week, and I just get so freakin' mad when people talk to me like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not saying I'm perfect (and there's a big ol' line of people who'll agree with me on that!), but what I'm doing seems to be working for me, so :devil:.

OH MY GOD I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.

I seriously am going to punch someone in the face the next time they question anything I want to eat. If I don't post for a while it's because I'm in jail or something. Just so you guys know

I just died laughing reading this...:rofl:

Me too! :lol:

Looking around, we've all lost quite a bit of weight. It's so interesting that we all have this happen. Do they think we just goofed up and dropped all this weight by accident? :lol:

Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock ;-)

Yes yes yes yes yes! I STILL get comments from certain people about how I should never eat after 7pm if I want to lose weight, or I need to eat fewer carbs, or cardio is a waste of time, and on and on. I want to yell, "I've lost 130 lbs, and it wasn't by accident! I think I know what I'm doing!" Actually, the weight's not flying off lately, so who knows if I know what I'm doing anymore, but I'm pretty darn sure that not eating after 7pm isn't the solution. Anyway... I get totally get it.

Ahhhhh the diet police. Gotta love them. :rolleyes:

My favorites are -- people who chastise me for eating after 7pm and people who tell me to "just do situps".

UGHHHHHHHHHHH.

You know what I get a lot of too? People chastising me for lifting so much. I usually have to buy a size or two up in fitted tops like blazers or jackets because I have broad shoulders. I remember complaining about it and some of the women at my gym have said "well you lift so heavy, that isn't helping, just stick with 5lb weights :]"

NO

Ugh. I just have broad shoulders. I always have, even before I started weight training.

At least recently they're looking at me, some tiny chick lifting a ton and realizing that women don't bulk up, we just look more awesome. It was really funny to see some new people's eyes bug out last night at me during the weight training class because I'm the smallest one there (height too) and lifting twice or more what everyone else is.

I aim to please ;)

LOL probably. Yes, I just lost 85 pounds because my fat just got tired of living on me.

Seriously, there are have been times when people are giving me advice and I'll say "Ok, how much have you lost? Is it 85 pounds? I don't think so. Bye.

I HATE IT SO MUCH. Especially since situps aren't going to get the abs everyone thinks they will.

And really, situps are going to make someone lose weight? Yeah right! :rofl:

A lot of people have given me diet advice too. It's like, really? I think whatever I'm doing is working. I've told people to shut up and leave me alone, haha.

Yes.

I can empathize and sympathize with you.

I get all that on weight loss and the extra side advice on what to do about my hypothyroid, PCOS, IR, anxiety, lalalala.

I know I can lose. I've lost 80 lbs before! I have not learned enough maintain skills though. I'm working on it, ok?

Mom recently called me up to tell me about anxiety and how she learned recently that triggers can just happen whenever. You can't always avoid them. So coping skills are needed for these surprise moments.

I listened politely and then said "Thanks!" and hung up thinking "*$()#! When will she learn what is new to HER isn't always new to ME? 20 yrs as a chronic patient -- you'd think I'd know something about my own conditions, huh? Gee. I never noticed that my anxiety triggers are not always avoidable and that I might have to use coping skills to handle it when they pop up at me?)

Just take it in stride and roll your eyes if you have to where they can't see you. ;)

People mean well. I excuse them because they really do most of the time. They want to help or support even if they don't always do it in the best way. There are some who want to just yank your chain on purpose, but more often it's the helpers. They do things that annoy me but they aren't doing it TO annoy me deliberately.

Like Mom. She's not out to drive me nuts on purpose. LOL.

But in the end you have to do what works for YOU because hey! You are the one living in here! And the one actually doing it! So carry on with yo' bad self. Woot! You own it! Rock it! YOUR way! :carrot:

The peanut gallery comment makers? Move it along now... Nothing to see here. Shoo! Buh-bye! :wave:

GL!
A. :D

People equate diet with diet food...like if you're not eating a salad and boiled chicken, you're not doing it right. People have said "you can't eat that" and you just have to humor them or prove them wrong. :)

you know what i really hate?

my daughters - love them to death, i really do, but sometimes i wonder why i didn't put the diaper on the other end and then sit on them.

my oldest daughter has asperger's. as a result, she's probably the only child you ever met (unless you know another like her) who hated to eat. i'm not kidding - even as an infant, she would go *days* without eating solids. as a teenager, i watched her not eat for 4 days straight before she suddenly stood up from the computer, looked at me blankly, said "i'm hungry" and proceeded to clean out two full shelves of the fridge.

then she didn't eat for another three days.

kid was a stick - five five and she needed a size MINUS two wedding dress when she was 17 (they're still married, had their ninth wedding anniversay not long ago).

she *constantly* lectures me on how it's just not necessary to eat every day - apparently some study somewhere has proved that.

my second daughter? not so lucky. because of nik's failure to thrive, she had to be put on a high-fat, high-calorie, high-protein diet. what am i gonna tell her younger sister: yes, i know nik is having another smoothie but you're not allowed?

nunh-unh.

so cait started off as "pleasingly plump" and went up from there. but it looked *good* on her - it really did.

then she hit the big two zero zero and all **** broke loose.

to give her credit, she lost it - she lost 80lbs in 4 months by taking up running, working out with weights 3 - 4 times a week, and finally cleaning up her diet. for a while, we were concerned but thankfully she pulled herself back from the brink and did not develop anorexia.

she is still very slim and eats like a trucker who's been knocking back bennies for the last two days.

i used to be a bodybuilder and then a powerlifter.

i have pictures.

yes, i'm a fat frump now - but i DO have proof.

suddenly, caiti is lecturing me! she's lecturing me on how i should lose the weight - i should run! every day! and go to the gym! and don't do big weights, they make you bulk up even more!

i finally said kid, stop teaching the dog to bark.

re:
 

Yep, no matter what size you are, people question what others eat - and sometimes directly to their face. You can't win there really, just nod and say 'mmhmm.'

Just wait, the next one will be, "you shouldn't lose anymore weight!"

.

That's already sort of happened. I told my cousin that my goal was 150, and he looked at me and said, isn't that kinda low? And I was like, well, that puts me on the high side of normal, BMI-wise, so. . .doin' it!

No one says that now, though.

AHHH I know what you mean. I live in a cute neighborhood with a lot of restaurants. I do like spending time with people from time to time (I like me time a lot lol) and I can suggest all the non-eating activities I want, but at the end of the day, everyone I know wants to eat out at a greasy mom and pop shop. Which is totally fine, as long as they are cool with me just having water. I could just order a salad with nothing on it (I'd eat the fatty food if it was a treat to me, but I'm not tempted to) but then I spend all that money on a meal I don't want only to eat my real dinner at home afterwards. So I just drink some tea and catch up and then I have dinner. Its been fine so far. I only go out if my praents come to visit, and even then, I refuse to eat out for lunch and dinner-twice in a day is just too much even if it doesn't result in weight gain. Sometimes I'm surprised that they invite me LOL.

I'm told that I order weird things at restaurants (anything like fruit, or plain veggies or something that I can pick at) but I prefer knowing what goes in it and my dad worked at a restauraunt, its shocking what you can slip sugar and butter in.

And potlucks those are TRICKY. I tend to come late or whatever and I already eat before I come. I do come with food, usually a snack or something people will want to eat after they've had their big meal. When I would go for the whole time and eat the fattening food, I would just end up feeling unhappy, so doing this stuff makes me feel a lot better, even though I guess it sounds like I'm depriving myself lol.

Just making your own choices in general feels pretty awesome!

UGGGH yes. My sister thinks its weird that I like to eat alone, but I don't enjoy the inevitable comments about my food and if I have a meal I wanna focus on eating it, not holding up a convo while eating it LOL

Dude I totally feel you! For me at this moment in time its all about the calories! Ya sure from time to time I take a look at my sodium intake and protein intake or carb intake and i do my best at picking the healthier choice. e.g.: chips or crackers? crackers but, the bottom line? Its calories!
My Fiance' literally two weeks ago started a fitness journey! Yay?!?! ha! I thought I was excited! not really anymore he has no weight to lose and is just basically buffing up so his diet is completly different than mine he eats 3 times his "normal amount"!!!! and hes like oh honey we are in this together! and im like ya F***ing right we are!

He eats high calorie "healthy foods" and hes like come eat lunch with me and im like no thank you ill make my own. and hes like but its completly healthy? and im like hmmmm count up the cals on that! or he'lll tell me why are you eating a frozen dinner it may be low in cals but its not good for you. And im like well 8hrs of work then 6hrs of school then 1-2hrs of gym then 7-8hrs of sleep doesnt leave much room for cooking! There are literally only so many hours in the day.

And his calorie intake is around 3,000-4,000! Jealous much? Ya me to! so we arent really (in this) together. sure we are both working on better ourselves but its completly opposite end of the spectrum. and I know myself if i look at all aspects I WILL get burned out and say screw it so for now it gym calories and try to pick the healthier choice. So ya I feel you Gabe!

hahahahha me to! I told my mom 140 wich it the middle of my "healthy weight". and she goes, "OMG Jessica your going to be anorexic! I think your taking this to far!" So i told her, "Mom Jacquelene(my sister) is 120lbs."
(me and my sis are same height same body type except for my fat) lol

Gabe, congratulations on a great loss. I am a calorie counter, too. I look at kind of like a bank account, I only have so many dollars to spend. Same with calories, in a given day there are only so many calories that I can consume.

Love this, lol.

And it never seems to stop... I don't want to be one of the ones that makes it through, only to "preach" to others about what they should and shouldnt do. Unless its my husband, LOL. ;)

I love this thread! I calorie count too & trying to explain to people that a calorie is a calorie no matter where it comes from is trying at times. I get annoyed too with how everyone knows what is best. How about I know what works for me - so leave me alone.

I love the guy (I believe he was a nutrition professor) who got tired of the diet debate & went on a diet of 1500 calories or something like that & lost weight. the thing was all he ate was junk food: ho-hos, cheetos, ding dongs, etc... no "healthy" food at all. Know what?! he LOST weight! and his vitals improved too - the body needs energy period.

Now I don't want to eat only junk food - but it is a nice illustration that you can eat anything in moderation.

Calorie counters UNITE!!! =)

Love your blog, Gabe.

Great attitude in this thread! Y'all know what works for you and you don't let others get in the way. I love it!

I'm late to finding this but so glad I did! I am laughing still! Quite humurous. You do your thing. You have proven it works. You are getting healthy. I think I needed to read this to simplify my own stupid head, too! LOL! Thank you!!!!!

AGREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

My weight loss is really slow. I don't tell most people I am on a diet.
I do have friends comment on my weight loss at times. But I am so thankful they don't give me too much advice.

I tell them I am counting my calories. They don't seem to understand what that means, so I don't elaborate. So far no one is aggravating me by giving me much advice.

I go to breakfast with friends sometimes. They try to tell me potatoes are no good for me, and to substitute tomatoes. I tell them I am allergic to tomatoes, so I am stuck with the potatoes.

And I have a friend that is a vegetarian and tells me not to eat any meat. I tell her that I have to eat meat or I get very weak.

And they tell me not to use cream in my coffee. But I use it anyway, and I tell them I have the calories figured into the meal. When I tell them the cream I use is only 20 calories, they don't know what that means at all, so they don't make any more comments. They just sit and fume, and I ignore it.
:devil:

And they try to tell me to join a gym and get more exercize. So I remind them I have a knee injury and I am hard pressed to just get my daily chores done around the house. They see I walk really slow because of a pulled ligament that pains me more as the day goes on.

I do exercizes at home that don't compromise my knee. They think I should do running and walking, so I have to remind them that I can't do that type of exercize. They don't know anything but jogging and biking and fad dieting.

I just stick to my guns, speak softly and carry a big stick.
They all hit a brick wall and are extremely frustrated with my injury and allergies. They might be able to manipulate and chastise others, but not me. I just ignore their frustrations and have a good time when I am out with them.
They get extremely agitated, but I am just amused by it.

I could give them a lot of advice, but they just do not understand what calories are and that calories can be counted up to lose weight. :?:

:D

I've found another de-winging phrase that, while not specific to calorie counting exactly still inspires an amount of good, old-fashioned mouth-foaming and classic-flavored vitriol. Vitriol tastes like Mountain Dew, incidentally. Mountain Dew right after you've just brushed your teeth. Tres terrible, no? And why would you douse your teeth in sugar right after brushing, anyway? Frankly, I think you deserve whatever you get.

Ahem, anyway.

The phrase "yeah, but what a way to go." This is chiefly uttered when someone (say, my mom) has decided to make something delicious (say, super buttery garlic bread on asiago loaf) that I can't fit into my plan without doing math that would make the State of Illinois's congressional budget committee proud. So I'll say, "yeah, but it has like eight bajillion calories." And she'll invariably say, "yeah, but what a way to go."

Look, I haven't lost 134 pounds by going anywhere. I go to the gym, I go to the supermarket, and I go to Panera (mmm, Panera vegetable soup...). I do not go to wherever it is that this cheezy garlic bread will take me. And since you've been watching me do this for a year, you should freaking know better, all right? I am static. I am immovable. I am the mountain, and I am not going anywhere!

My bigest annoyance are the "whole foods/gluten free/dairy free/lactose free/sugar free/fat free/ ORGANIC? blah blah blah......
Guess what? your ORGANIC potato chips have as many calores as my regular potato chips.

I love it when i hear those people say they are trying to lose weight but cant...... I ask whats their diet? " Oh, you know, im trying to eat all organic, natural and whole foods, you know, eat CLEAN"....... Ummmm...... those foods have calories too (often times more). People dont understand thats its ALL ABOUT THE CALORIC DEFICIT. Thats the only thing that matters, for fat loss.

But, the masses need a bandwagon to jump on..... right now its the crucification of anything processed or, God-Forbid, <GASP!> High fructose corn syrup!
Dont worry, tomorrow it will be protein... at least, as soon as we decide that carbs ARENT the devil and the reason we are all fat ;)

BTW, am i the only one who noticed the BIg Bang Theory Reference? paper rock scissors lizard spock?

Oh, oh! I have one! Aspartame!

I told one of my friends a while back that I lost 130 pounds. I then mentioned that I was drinking some Diet Coke. She immediately started with, "oh, that's terrible for your health! You're going to get tumors!"

Y'know, because with all of my unhealthy lifestyle choices before, the problem wasn't that I was, you know, clearing out the stock at McDonalds for breakfast, or that I'd been defining my four food groups as "french fries, other fried foods, meat, and chocolatey carbs." No. It's clearly the Diet Coke.

That being said, some people feel like crap when they have aspartame, so I shrugged my shoulders and moved to a less controversial topic, like Middle East peace or the New York Yankees.

A couple of days later, she started linking me to articles, mostly about how aspartame inhibits weight loss. Hm. I have 130 pounds and a newfound waistline that says it doesn't inhibit my weight loss. My willpower lasts right up until the point where you try and take my Diet Coke. At that point, I'm Linda Blair vomiting pea soup. No. Never gonna happen, and may God have mercy on your soul for even suggesting it.

I read through this thread, chuckling at what some of you endure from friends and loved ones. My endeavor is a bit more subtle and not as noticeable to most people, so I don't get the "input" from others that you all are getting, but I was struck by something after reading everyone's experiences. Why in the WORLD do other people get so bent out of shape at what someone else is doing? Why do Marla26's friends care so much if she eats potatoes, or if Gabe drinks a Diet Coke? Is any of that hurting THEM? Why do other people get so opinionated and emotional about someone else's journey? It all can't be about control, can it?