I was talking to my boyfriend yesterday about my plateau-ish situation.

I've been around 158 - 160 since mid-November. I've been cycling my calories for the last week and I want to try it longer before I determine whether or not to drop my calories. I've also stepped up my workouts.

Anyway, I was talking to my boyfriend about this. I was simply asking him what he thought about my calorie level and such.

He was totally against decreasing my calorie intake (to 1500 or 1600, right now I cycle - I average 1700 a day). He said (in German, so I'll translate):

"You just have to give it time! You cannot continue to drop your calories, you won't be able to enjoy life at all anymore. What, do you think you should be expecting to see a pound gone every week or month? That is not realistic. You are certainly losing, for example, 100 grams a week, and its not enough to show up on the scale. These things take time. If anything, do more exercise, but don't try to eat even less than what you already eat."

I can already see that he doesn't know that Ricki Lake dropped 30lbs in less than 8 weeks!! I can too!!

I'm just kidding.

So, anyway, I started wondering about 3 Fat Men. I don't believe there are essential/biological differences in genders, but I do obviously believe we are influenced to see the world differently.

Are women programmed to put more of their energy into shorter term projects? Are men more interested in the "long haul"?

But then, on the other side of the equation, are the crazy men who do super-extreme dieting on the body-builder websites.....

Cheers to moderation and patience!

I can't see why women are programmed to want to do general projects in a rush, though possibly there are examples which I can't think of. However, the diet industry encourages people to crash diet rather than diet slowly, and the diet industry primarily targets women.

I think your boyfriend gave you good advice.

me too.

Men lose weight faster and easier than women do because of their lack of body fat as opposed to ours. It sucks but that's reality. Due to that, and our own misperceptions of perfection, men might just have a better grasp on the whole deal.

Addressing your dilemma, I think at your current weight and height you may be ideally sized but in your heart of hearts desire to be smaller. I say that with loving feelings, I really do. I don't want to hurt you with that statement but you probably look much better and even fantastic to others than how you are able to see yourself through your own diet eye. That written, since your number on the scale isn't moving a) you are likely swapping lean tissue/muscle for fat and b) get off the scale. Get off and stay off. Even at 5.9 and 170 I'm sure you look good. It seems to be that scale that is your undoing.

You've given people here a lot of wonderful advice. This isn't a race, there is no hurry, you're in a good weight zone for your height and getting smaller will come in time because if you continue to do what you are doing the results will come over time. What would be the point of lowing further your daily calories? Starving? Would that get you smaller sooner or merely set you up for a binge or the next disappointment?

As to your joking about Rikki Lake (were you joking?) if you could go on a "dancing with the stars" type routine where you train via dancing for 8-12 hours a day for months--------you'd tone up, drop pounds, and get smaller too. That isn't our reality, however. Matter of fact, it isn't her reality anymore either.

Please, continue to do what you do but have your bf hide the scale.

124chicksinger: I dream of having the opportunity to put my life on hiatus and go on dancing with stars, working out 8 hours a day, being too busy to really eat. That is my silly fantasy that will never be a reality! I do daydream about it..... I'm still torn on who I want as my partner: either Derek, Maksim, or Tony.

I do hope you are right, that I am "swapping" fat for muscle. I guess I do need to hide the scale again.

Maybe I need to come to terms with the fact that I may not really lose more on 1700 a day and so I should simply keep that # and focus my attention on body recomposition/sport goals and being content.

I love this site, but it sometimes is frustrating to read when everyone is dropping lbs. and I'm doing the same work but not losing.

First off, you've done amazing already! You're such an inspiration here. Secondly, your bf gave great advice but also a little dose of reality too. Weight loss slows, plateaus and its frusterating but try focusing on your huge success already & even maintaining your weight. Focus on exercise, toning & then in a month or so, reevaluate your goals, calories, etc.? Amazing job so far try not to get too discouraged.

I think your boyfriend is giving you great advice. You are in your normal weight range (with a BMI at 23.3, normal is 25), so it will be harder to get lower.

I would focus on sports and activities and healthy habits and food and see where it takes you.

I agree with everybody, especially 124.
The other thing, didn't your momma ever tell you not to compare yourself with others?? :tongue:
But, seriously, I loved your boyfriend's comment! He's right! People would give up many things in order to have your body!! Enjoy that.
This did get me thinking about that whole idea of how what we see in the mirror is different than what people see of us. I know people with eating disorders do this more severely. When asked to draw their body shape on the mirror they draw this big huge person, but really they're crazy thin! I think we all do this to a point. Not to say anyone has disorders. I have days when I look in the mirror and I think "man, I'm fat!" But, then I force myself to remember what I looked like 40, 30, 20 and 10lbs ago. We seem to forget what we were and can only see what's in that moment.
I guess it's mind tricks?

Thanks for all of your words of support.

I actually do think I look pretty normal in the mirror, but then I see a picture of myself, or I try on a pair of pants that is the biggest size in the store and they don't fit, which leads me to think "10lbs more wouldn't hurt!"

I am changing up my diet a bit. I'm not focusing on dropping any calories but am doing calorie cycling. Also, I just finished reading this German diet/cookbook for people who run frequently, and the doctor that wrote it emphasizes eating carbs in the earlier part of the day and making dinner very low carb. So, it is not a low carb diet, just shifting the carbs to the beginning of the day - so, maybe I'll have oatmeal, peanut butter, and a banana for lunch, and then a big salad with protein for dinner. He makes a pretty good case for why this should work. I want to try it out for a month to see how it goes - if I notice I feel better.

I started it yesterday, after finishing the book. My body was seriously waiting for my alotted sweet treats I usually give it at night. I had a huge salad with tofu, olives, light mozzarrella, and pumpkin seed oil salad dressing, with a side of roasted cauliflower.

Then my body said "Hey, what's up? I need sugar!" So I had an apple.

Then my body said "Hey that's NOT good enough!"

I held out until about 11:30pm. I then had 3 little German white cookies for 90 calories. The sugar monster was then quiet.

So, maybe my quasi-sugar addiction in the evening is working against my efforts. I'm going to put all of my boyfriend's sugary treats in the basement today - and I am much too lazy to go down 3 floors in the middle of the night for sugar.

I'll keep you guys updated.

I agree!!

yes!!! it goes both ways in any combination you can think of.

my brother and cousin for example went on this crazy lean vegan diet for 3months and ate no meat or extra sugars!!! the lost over 60lbs and my brother 80lbs. but now after two or three months of being off it they are slowly gaining it back.

thats why i like the approach of changing your lifestyle for good. cuz then that fat is gone for good. : )

Sometimes I wish there was a "like" button here as there is on Facebook.

Agreed!