Beth, I felt the same way you do. For probably 15 years, I just didn't try to lose weight at all because my previous attempts were so disturbing and humiliating to me ... lose a little weight, gain it back etc. etc.

There are many differences this time.
1. Community (the 3FC community). I also spend a lot of time reading about exercise, weight loss and goal setting.
2. A plan. I've changed tweaked my plan several times since I started, so I don't necessarily think the plan itself is the key, just that you HAVE a plan.
3. I judge myself by how well I work the plan, not by the scale. I know if I am working my plan, the weight will come off. If it's not coming off like I think it should -- I don't beat myself up. I look at my plan and see where I haven't been true to it.
4. Positive affirmations. I read Tom Venuto's "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle" and he believes -- and so do I -- that laying out your goals in a positive manner AND READING OR RE-WRITING THEM EVERY DAY is important.

Goals should be positive (NOT "I won't eat cake today" BUT "I am eating 5 small meals which include only good protein, veggies and fat.") You are really talking to your unconscious mind and it doesn't understand negatives, only positives in the present tense.

So, bottom line, I do think a positive attitude is key. And, for me, writing and reading my goals every day has kept me focused and believing I can do this.

First of all: I throw that in there because I just realized the rest of this post doesn't necessarily sound very pleasant.

I think maybe you need to think more honestly, not positively. Like JayEll said, you're probably not some medical mystery that actually CAN'T lose weight. Nothing makes you any different than the rest of us. Any of us can lose weight as long as we're consistently burning off more than we eat each day (with slight variations in the details, for individual health issues and body chemistry). If you say that you "can't" lose weight, you're lying. The truth is that, so far, you've made conscious decisions NOT to lose weight, or to gain it back.. because you'd rather eat too much, or not exercise, or whatever it is that makes it difficult for you. (I've done that too, so many times... I've gained and lost the same pounds over and over again.)

Do you let this attitude pervade all the little decisions you make on a daily basis? "There's no reason for me to turn down this dessert, I can't lose weight anyway!" That can definitely be harmful. I'd rather think, "IF I choose not to eat this dessert, I WILL maintain the calorie deficit that I've worked so hard for, and eventually WILL lose weight, that's just a scientific fact." It's not necessarily outright positive ("woohoo, I can do it, this is good for me, I'd rather eat healthy anyway!" - not my style) but it's a lot more HONEST than the first one.

Oh, and of course you have no reason to believe that this time will be any different than before. It certainly won't be any easier, or feel any nicer. It will be just as hard. The only thing that can make it different is your commitment to stick with a plan that you've carefully decided is do-able for your lifestyle, preferences, etc. All the successful folks on this site had to do it that way, and while their success may seem remarkable, they're actually no different than you or I - and because of that, WE ALL BELIEVE IN YOU.

Well, a positive/negative attitude does not mean you do or don't believe that you'll lose weight. On July 5, of this year, after many, many failed attempts to even start a diet, I made a decision to lose weight.

I frequently have a bad attitude about it. I don't like being fat, but I definitely don't like dieting, but a happy medium for me has just been to count calories and exercise. I am a foodie and I always will be. I revise my weight loss goal on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis.

There may be one or two days where I actually have a positive attitude about it, but most of the time I am either blah or negative. But I am very positive about seeing the number on the scale go down and very positive about not stuffing myself to the point of discomfort the way I use to.

A problem for me has always been perfectionism. I would want to have the perfect plan and the perfect attitude before I embarked on my weight loss journey. Well, that perfect plan and attitude never lined up for me the way it seems to for other people.

So, I just decided to lose weight and that's it. I made the decision. My attitude on any given day doesn't matter.

I agree that positive attitude is far too generic a term to mean much. Confidence is what the OP really posted about (believing that you will reach your goal), and confidence definitely is not needed to get started. And as we see success (most of us) will find our confidence growing.

I've spent most of my life (37 of the 43) yoyo dieting, on and off the diet rollercoaster.

Attitude was responsible for my lack of success - and it wasn't necessarily a failing of belief - rather I felt (because I was taught in watching my female relatives and friends, and reading in magazines and seeing on talk shows) that weight loss, "dieting" was an unpleasant and uncomfortable endeavor. A necessary evil, perhaps - but an evil nonetheless. Dieting was the punishment for being fat.

The problem was that it's pretty difficult to continue to punish yourself, especially if you do feel like you're a pretty decent person. I'd always give up when I got sick and tired of punishing myself.

Deciding not to punish yourself is usually a good thing, and I think that's why abandoning a diet is such a natural thing to do (and why the diet statistics are so dismal), because it is common in our culture to view dieting as punishment. The very way we talk about dieting instills the punishment concept.

This time, I am trying to change my beliefs and attitudes. I'm not "dieting," I'm trying to truly change my lifestyle - not to punish me for being bad, but in order to treat my body with the respect it deserves.

I'm not always successful - 43 years of submersion in an eating=good (unless you're fat), fat=bad, food=reward and dieting=punishment culture, I find myself with beliefs and attitudes that are hard to shake that do tend to trip me up.

When someone tells me (or worse when that someone is myself) that I deserve a little treat for "being good," I have to recognize it as a trap - and because it's such a culturally "normal" thing to do, it can be hard to get past those traps and pitfalls.

There probably are some people who see dieting as punishment, and yet do lose the weight, and keep the weight off - but how depressing is that to always feel punished. I guess I'm too much the hedonist to put up with that - but I don't have to. I do not have to eat a salad miserably, I can make food that I like that is good for me, and controlled in calories (and for me carbs, because they tend to trigger intense cravings).

So I think attitude and beliefs are important, but only to a degree. You can get started and work on your attitudes and beliefs at the same time that you are working on your weight. If your attitude isn't perfect, you're not doomed to failure, it's just one more thing to work on to have the life you want.

Having a positive attitude means everything when you're trying to lose weight. If you don't, you'll most likely go back to not exercising, overeating, and not having that motivation/strength to shed the pounds. Anybody can lose weight. You just have to believe in yourself and carry a positive attitude and in no time you'll wonder why you didn't start the diet sooner.

I think being positive (or at least loving yourself) goes a long way with everything you do.

WOoooowwwW!

Huge thanks to EVERY ONE of you!

I'm so grateful to every one for your experiences, views, and words of encouragement. I'm going to read and re-read everything here. Then I'm going to see what I can use for myself. There is great wisdom here and I'm going to find as much of it as I can.

I'm actually overwhelmed and not sure how to respond adequately. I'm just very appreciative and promise to try to be responsible with the words you've all left here. I want to make real use of your wisdom.

I guess the ticker will tell? *grin*

Best wishes for continued success to everyone here.

Wow...alot of really good advice on this thread...
If you think about it, just the fact that you are willing to start over means you have courage and perseverance....and that IS the positive attitude already. Just start taking care of yourself. Don't think so much about the long road ahead. A day at a time will do.

Yes, in my opinion having a great attitude is more than half the battle.

In the past I really dreaded "dieting." Now I see it as a lifestyle change; something I must do the rest of my life. So no more fad, crazy diets anymore, even if it is stylish to count carbs and memorize the glycemic index of foods! Not for me! Good old calorie reduction is all that truly worked for me before.

And now I'm making a game out of adding up my calories (I count calorie points). I know I have a certain calorie "budget" and I'm making a game out of sticking to it. Now it's fun trying to find lower calorie foods that give me more bang for my "buck." Also, I'm eating my maintenance calories (Calorie Queens Eucalorics formula), do deprivation is minimal.

I feel that this time around I will have permanent success. Because my attitude totally changed.

This is something I've only recently come to realize myself. A person's attitude and mental state is the cornerstone to losing weight. If you don't think it's possible for you, it just won't happen. This seriously hit me like a ton of bricks this past summer. For the longest time, I've 'wanted to lose weight,' but I never believed it was possible. Finally, I don't know what clicked, but I was able to see that I could lose weight, that it was possible, and I could do it. That, and a plan, is the difference between a diet failure and a successful lifestyle change.

When I started, I don't think I believed I could really be successful over the long term. Psychologists would call this a lack of self-efficacy. Now, while psychologists might say that you need self-efficacy to make the kind of lifestyle changes needed to sustain weight loss, my experience was the opposite. At least initially, I did not really believe in my success. It didn't take me long to develop self-efficacy, but it definitely wasn't there at the start.

Instead, at the beginning what I did have was a deep deep need to lose weight -- to try again. I made a long term commitment. I was 39 at the time, and decided I wanted to be fitter and healthier when I turned 50 than I would be when I turned 40. [hope that makes sense...]

Anyway, it's 4+ years later and I'm still at it...

I absolutely believe having a positive attitude is important! I also believe in positive self talk. If you tell yourself every day is going to be a horrible day, well, then ya, it's going to suck. If you tell yourself everyday is going to be a great day, then eventually, you will have great days. You have to do this everyday though and you can't give up 10 days in.

My story starts out similar to a lot of people's. I have always been the "chunky", "fluffy", "puffy" one. Even at my smallest, i was bigger than most of my friends. I've always known HOW to lost weight, but I never really WANTED to lose weight. What I mean is, I never took it seriously enough to stick with it.

The biggest thing I believe has made a diference is this site. I have to be accountable to the people here. I joined the Biggest Loser Challenge here, and I have to do well for my team. Plus I'm super competetive. Also, I set a goal. A reasonable goal. I want to be fit and trim before I start having children, because it will only get harder as I get older. This is very motivational to me.

So I suggest you really dig down and figure out what drives you. Write it down and look at it every day as a reminder of why you are doing this. And remember it's ok if things run aground every once in a while. Just paddle back out and keep on going.

Best of luck Beth!

I've come back to this post so many times.

Each time I've read through, someone's advice sunk in a little more.

I *am* beginning to believe that I CAN and WILL do this.

I am beginning to believe that it, perhaps, has been my attitude holding me back all along.

I'm going to keep at this. I'm going to keep trudging along. One day at a time. Last time I did things successfully for four months. This time, I will do it for five.

I can.

I will.

Ladies, a huge thank you to each one of you.

Beth, thanks for posting this topic. The responses have been really helpful for me too.

I too have had a bad attitude about losing weight and felt that it "just wasn't possible" for me. Now I see how wrong that is and how possible it is for me to get where I want to go.