People, mainly my mother, can't make up their minds about what they want or think.
I've decided that it doesnt matter to me anymore, because all the people that have passed judgement on me during my journey are so fickle that their opinions are unreliable. These people, like my mother, whose opinions I normally respect are holding less and less water with me.
This realization has been brought on by a comment from my mother today.
Throughout my journey my mother made the typical comments regarding my eating habits and weight loss. ("when are you going to stop this diet" "youre going to waste away to nothing" "wheres the rest of you" "are you eating enough") Her comments really got me down and I posted about them several times on the boards. Well, I've recently really picked up my workouts and strength training and they've become much more intense. I've upped my calories to compensate and to give me the energy I need to sustain these workouts. I was in my kitchen fixing my pre-workout snack (some steel cut oats and berries) and my mother comes in and says "Didnt you JUST eat?"
Yeah mom, 2 hours ago and I'm about to go workout for 2 hours...she then says that I seem to be eating a lot lately.
All of this has really brought me to the realization that people shouldnt judge other people based on what they observe. Not only is this helping me disregard the judgement from others, but its also helping me keep an open mind about the people around me.
Your mother sounds a lot like my mother! I got down to 145 lbs for Christmas and all I heard about was how "sickly" I looked. How I needed to stop...shouldn't lose anymore etc. Her opinion didn't matter to me then because I KNEW she was wrong. I know that my BMI at 145 is within the normal bracket. I know that a 135 it will still be within that healthy normal bracket. I learned a long time ago to just ignore her and keep on trucking...
My man has done the "didn't you just eat" thing but he also says he doesn't want me to get too skinny or too muscular.
I just kind of ignore him, actually. I just started lifting but I have done a lot of research & I feel like I know what I'm doing to keep my body fat percentage in the normal range so I don't like a "freak" as he puts it. I don't like the way super low body fat lifters of either gender look, actually.
Also my grandmother asked me if I was eating enough today. I told her that I'm actually eating MORE than when I was getting back down to my comfort zone because I am workout a lot... THAT she supports.
Your attitude about this is really mature. I have gotten these types of remarks from my family.....especially my mom. She's an amazing woman but she does frustrate me in this department. I have told her that my BMI is still in the overweight range, so that has stopped the comments for now, but as I approach my goal, I think the comments will be back again, so I'll keep what you've said in mind. Thanks for sharing that!
My family says comments too when i see them.. i guess there is always someone close who says everything that is on their mind whether it's tactful or not... but you have to love the honesty with the concerns for your well being. At work people try to police my eating I just tell them don't worry about it. I'm come a long way I'm not going to fall completely off track with a couple diet sodas.
My grandmother was perfectly capable of saying to me on the same day:
"See, putting sugar in your coffee is how you get fat." and "You need to finish the rest of the dinner leftovers, they won't keep." My mother takes after her also .... so I assume someday I'm going to end up with mental disconnect syndrome too. :P
LOL Bronzeager... your post made me chuckle, i wasnt going to post. But i couldnt resist!
There are a lot of people who pass judgement when they shouldn't. But realize it is just uneducated judgement. Unless you really are sickly and you are anorexic or something.
I think the "you're too thin" comments are meant as compliments- even though it doesn't sound that way. If the person is genuinely concerned you might be suffering from an eating disorder, they aren't going to turn around a criticize you for eating too much. I also think that when people are used to seeing us heavier we look "too thin" to them even though the stranger across the street is the same size and looks fine. It's just not what they are used to.
But you are absolutely right in your assessment- you have to do it for you and you alone. You KNOW deep down if you are in trouble or need help. So if you KNOW you're fine, you're fine Eat what you want, look how you want. It's your body only!
Classic double message example! You are young and beautiful and have worked hard to get where you are. I think it's a good thing you are hearing these messages from your mother as something to not be taken seriously. And not to be mean or insulting, it sounds like she likes to pick, glad you are learning to not let it bother you.
Some of our mom's are never satisfied with us, are they?
My mom has harped on me for years to lose weight. I finally make real progress, and she get's mad because "we can't fix ANYTHING" for dinner since I'm on WW. She also says my calves are too muscular and not ladylike.
And it's not just weight issues, either. I got dumped on Christmas Eve, via text, which hit me pretty hard. I've had two failed marriages before this last relationship, which lasted for 14 months. Know what she felt compelled to tell me? "Now, I know this is going to upset you, but I don't want you to let this latest break-up turn you into a lesbian." I think my jaw hit the floor. She claims she's seen it happen to other women. I'm thinking, "who?"
You just gotta let it go. Kudos to the OP that she's putting it into perspective.
Being a Mom myself, and an Aunt to 4 teenage nieces, I have seen disordered eating in young women. If one of my kids or nieces would lose quite abit of weight in a short period of time, and then I would see them eat "more" than usual, (and not gain weight) I might jump to the conclusion they have bulimia or some type of binge eating issue. Not because I'm a B***h, but because I love them and don't want them to end up dying from something I could have had some intervention in. Eating disorders are very real (been there, done that) and believe it or not...us Mom's get letters sent home from school and on occasion from the doctors office about warning signs to look for drug abuse, alcohol abuse AND eating disorders from our children. So cut your Mom's a break. They might be crass, but they do love you and care about your well being.
OP, ya..like everyone else said..your mom prolly doesn't mean anything bad by it...she's just used to seeing you one way and now your so different. She's just being a mom..cut her some slack or your children will judge you with the same heavy hand.
BTW, I'm 44 and my mom says the same type of things. She's concerned that I may be dying of anorexia. I just kindly remind her that I KNOW HOW TO GAIN WEIGHT if I start to become transparent (as proven beyond a shadow of a doubt by my bulging belly just last year)!
Last edited by joyfulloser; 06-25-2011 at 08:41 AM.
I have really enjoyed everyone’s posts, I identify so much! With my mother I try to remind myself that her comments about my weight are really about her not me... I think many mothers see themselves through their children and make comments based on it.
You can’t control what she thinks or says - but you can control the impact you let her words have on you - you have the power to let them just be words without real meaning. Easier said then done, but attempting this does make it work.
I'm gonna echo what Lori Bell said, unless your relationship with your mother is all around "bad" or "unhealthy" she probably just cares about you and has a funny way of showing it.
People can't make up their minds...
