I struggle with the same feelings. I am at a comfortable and sustainable weight for myself and my body. But, there is a little voice
that says I should go lower--- or at least
try for lower. I "secretly" feel that if I could just get to 122 then, then, I would be satisfied.
Also, this might be because maintainance is such a difficult concept. I mean, we spend so much time losing and focusing on trying to reduce our eating/increasing our physical output, and when we are just supposed to be trying to "stay put" it can be difficult.
I don't know when or if there is some magical click in one's brain sometime somewhere into maintainence that just lets one know that "I'm fine. My body likes this weight. I am healthy. I am satisfied." I imagine it takes alot to get to that point of acceptance. I know that I am not there yet, but I hope to be one day, no matter what weight I end up settleing at.
Unlike you, I don't have a previous experience when I was thinner and happy at a certain weight. I had always been overweight and unhappy about it, so I don't have that reference point.
I think that your reference point is proving to be maybe more of a curse than a blessing.
We grow, we change, we age, our minds change. Maybe the reason you feel bigger has nothing to do with the weight. Maybe you are less happy now for whatever life reason, maybe you have dealt with the whole weight yo-yo deal and that has messed with your mind's eye's vision of what a healthy maegdaeien looks like.
Just some thoughts. Correct me if I am totally off base.