Morning everyone. I hate to be a downer, but this is a place I feel like I can release. I'm not having a great couple of days.
My mood is sitting in the trash can right now - no idea why. Last night, I was sitting here in front of Idiot Box #2, wasting the night away again and *whoomp* it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went from being in kinda a good mood to being an absolute wreak. And when I'm in that kind of mood, I eat.
Comfort food for short term happiness - but then it just turns into guilt and more unhappiness when I think about what I did. (I probably doubled my target calorie intake yesterday.
) I keep telling myself "it'll be better tomorrow" but having something like that - where you think you're doing okay to find yourself crumbling into a useless state in seconds - it just shatters your confidence. Alright...enough of that. I don't know if I'll be better tomorrow, but I know I'll be better someday.
Baby steps are okay.
Work is okay this week, though I'm convinced that the increased amount of stress contributed to last night's snap. No sign of the rest of my team; still no idea when the guy on vacation will be back. (I'm guessing next week, but who knows.
He just bought a house so he's up to his eyeballs getting things ready to move in.) I'm still trying to do enough to keep this one project rolling by doing both my part AND my vacationing co-worker's part, but I have to try and keep the "normal" job going AND not lose my mind as well. I can feel the anxiety build whenever I think about it. I know that there's only so much I can do but I hate to let everyone down.
Stress. Stress. Stress.
Ah well - emotions and feelings, both good and bad, remind us that we're alive, right?
Lauren - I know this might be hard, especially right now, but have you considered making an appointment to talk with your supervisor to discuss your strengths and weaknesses and to make them acutely aware that you would welcome the chance to come back and join their team on a more permanent basis? At very least, you'll get some feedback on the areas that you can improve. *shrugs* Just a suggestion.
Holy - I swear that if I didn't have these two crazy cats that I would have lost my mind months ago. When they do the stupidest/cutest things, then it just lifts the weight right off your shoulders. And the just KNOW when you're not well or have had a bad day and are always there to love you without question.
Glad you made a little progress with your dress and good luck with the Thanksgiving shopping. I'm sure that the stores will be zoo's all this week.
JennyMarie - Congrats on the loss and take care of that pinky! We'll be here when it's better. Until then, enjoy the banter.
Fit - Have I ever thought about writing? Thought about it, yes. Actually do anything about it, no. There's my biggest problem - getting things from inside my head and into the physical world. I have images, songs, stories all in my head but there's something blocking - either time, talent or a combination - that keeps me from doing it. Besides, I don't think what I write is anything special - I just write from the heart and type what I really think. I've been told I should blog, but I don't know if I have the time or dedication to actually write something there. I mean, what do you say when you're talking to the world?
Boggles my mind, especially given that I don't think I really have anything that the world would want to hear....
Pass along my congrats to your DH. Anyone who makes a choice for a healthier lifestyle is on the right path. Maybe even convince him he needs to post on here once and a while.
Molly - That's one of the things that they talked about during the orientation. Apparently it's very natural for your mind to wander, so not to fight that. All you do is, when you realize your mind has wandered is to label that as "thinking" and then concentrate back on your breathing. Apparently people learning to discipline themselves will start out doing this almost constantly because as soon as you've gone back to your breathing, you'll start to wander again.
We'll see how well I make out with this - especially given that I'll only be going every second weekend or something.
KarenK - Cool! I'd love to do something with our attic. However, given that it's only half height, I don't think that an office would work out all that well.
Michelle - I hear ya about the stress.
I guess all you can do is buck up and convince yourself that it will get better someday. And treating yourself good - by eating and exercising properly - is one way to make sure it happens. *sighs* I really need to learn to take my own advice.
Christina - Focus. Yeah, it's really easy to loose that when "life happens", isn't it? As I read through everyone's posts, every day, I realize that
hey - my life is just as messed up and just as stressed as most of the ladies in this group. And in a sick and twisted way, that brings me comfort - I guess in that "misery loves company" kind of way. So, get all your work done. Get all those people dealt with. But always leave some time for yourself. Even if it's just 5 minutes at the end of the day. And that can be the time you can use to focus.
Darcy - I don't know if there's the business for this or you have the interest, but have you considered hiring another (Part-time if necessary) beautician to handle a larger volume of parties? I don't know where you want to go with this.
Just throwing out ideas... Best to ponder them through the Christmas season and plan for the new year. I don't know if this would be a seasonal thing, but I would expect not. I'm thinking of birthday parties and prom parties and bridal showers and etc etc etc that could be potential markets. Really, the possibilities are endless.
RR - Okay, it's definitely much more complex than I had originally thought and I'm with you all the way with most of your points. Except for one - the fact that you seem to feel that you take "second chair" behind MIL and DH because you're the stepmom. Now, maybe I'm just not getting the whole picture, but I didn't hear you say anything about MIL or DH being in the kitchen dealing with DD#2 in the wee hours of the morning. Biological or not, you're playing the mom role in the family and (it sounds to me) like you're taking on (at least some of) the responsibilities of these kids. Just don't sell yourself short just because you're not the biological mum.
I'll shut up about this now.
And now, the weigh in..... Yes, my awful day was appropriately rewarded with a weight gain of a full pound over my trend weight which actually had my
trend increase. That's bad. Really, really bad....and very very depressing and demotivating for me.
I know I need to just smile through it and promise I'll do better today....but that's hard in the mood I'm in.
Chat tomorrow.
:Lawrence
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30-Somethings Tuesday Chat 11/21
On the business front, the thought of having someone else doing this with me has entered my mind, I figure that I will see how it goes and take it from there. If I were going to do a big party, I have a friend that is licensed as well and could contact her to see if she is interested, so that is a possibility.
Christie, Michelle, Molly, Lauren, Stevi and everyone else! 
It isn't too late. You can still lose some more by the end of the year!! Maybe you could add a new baby step habit - more water? more steps? a food log? meal plan? Come on!