First consider these "rages". Does he just get angry and yell, or are they physical. Yelling isn't abuse per se. It
can be emotional abuse...dependent upon the severity.
Three kids does more than just "complicate" matters though. It doesn't mean you can't divorce, if that's the route you ultimately decide is necessary. However, it
does mean that you can't
completely divorce. He is
always going to be in your life. Or at least for another 8 years (since your youngest is 10). And if it's hard now, it may get even harder. What if he doesn't pay support? Can you raise 3 boys alone? What if he plays mind games with the kids, tells them lies about you? Are you prepared to put them into counseling...and pay that as well? What if he manages to somehow get custody?!? Can you live with that? Some courts will take what kids 12 and up say into consideration. So if the older two want to stay with dad, they just may get it and
you could end up being the one paying support. Can you do it?
Now go back and rethink his "rages". Are they serious?
If after all this, your answer is still yes, your second question is...will he agree to marital counseling?
As GBMM mentioned, speak with your pastor, or a local pastor if you do not attend church. Many of them are trained in basic counseling. Maybe if he won't do marital counseling, he'll at least go see a pastor with you for that counseling. And then perhaps the pastor can talk him into marital counseling. If he refuses all around and these rages are bad enough to warrant it, your next step...
Contact your local Legal Aid Society (should find it listed in the phone book...it may be run by the County if it's not with regular businesses). If you don't qualify for their help, check the Bar Association website for local legal help, and you may find some pro bono attorneys. Contact a local women's shelter. Even if it's not physical, they would still offer you plenty of advice on how to get out of the situation.
Pointers
before leaving...
Make copies of all important documents (stocks, retirement accounts, bank accounts, etc.) and keep them somewhere off the property, put aside some emergency money into a personal account, then get a free consult (or a pro bono attorney) to find out the first step you should take before informing him of a divorce. The attorney may recommend you remain in the house, or take the kids and go, or get a restraining order. Wouldn't hurt to get two consults as not all attorneys are created equally. If they both advise similar, then you know they're on the right track.
If you want further, or state specific, information, try
www.divorcesource.com.