Dont even know if its livvid or livid, and right now Im to pissed to care. Ok so here she blows.
My P.O.S. sorry excuse for a father, ex was supposed to get my daughter this weekend. He KNEW KNEW this a week ago. Now hes not going to get her because he has to "go out of town and work" Umm ok.. so isnt it YOUR responsiblity to make sure you have a babysitter? Yes. No.. he puts it off on ME about 30mins ago when he KNOWS I have had plans for a month now Now this is not a guy that gets his daughter on a regular basis and pays child support and everything is hunky freakin' dori. This YEAR he has probably got her a total of 3 weeks. Yes.. 3 weeks. I was living a state away so it was forgiveable to an EXTENT. Now I have been back in town a week and he has got her ONCE. I thought.. no big deal he will have her this weekend. I have never filed for child support because all I wanted him to do is be in her life. I am FED up.. I am going Monday morning and filing for child support. He does NOTHING absolutely NOTHING. While all my money goes on the necessities for her, he gets to buy toys and stuff ( when he does that) so he looks like hes super dad or something when he really is nothing. I dont know that I will go Monday and file for child support because like I said I just moved back in town and I am staying with relatives until i can get into my place and I dont legally have custody because there was never a custody agreement. Its just basically been every since she was 3 months and we broke up he gets when he feels like it and thats it. I dont want him to be able to get her, even though he is shacked up with his girlfriend who has two kids ( that arent his) and he has no car, and I know for a fact that he smokes weed ( not around my daughter though, hes not that dumb). The only thing that is hurting me is I just moved back and Im having to live with relatives. But I have a car, I dont do drugs, and I am looking for a job ( been here a week) I just dont think its fair that I am a full time mom, and hes a part time dad who never takes initiative. I dont care that he does " have to work" what would he do if I was a state away and he had her? How does him working benefit my daughter? Its like.. I want to file for child support but I dont want him to get her because he will try to fight me for custody when knowing good and well he cant take care of her. GOD.. I really really really dispise him. I guess this rant is over.. any words you girls can give would be appreciated.. I just needed to get it all out before I bust him one.. because I have taken this crap for 3 years almost and its SO old. Part of me says, just take care of her on your own.. let him just do his stupid s*** and just never count on him. I just dont want my little girl to get taken from me because Im not up on my feet yet. She is what I live for. He doesnt even call her, he only calls when he wants to get her.. which is never. So it seems.
might I also add that 9 months of her life he was gone 13hrs away, never called, never sent money.. got her ONCE for 2 weeks. IN NINE MONTHS. Grr Mean while, I was working two jobs trying to make ends meet with all the DEBT he left me with. Im gonna leave it alone for right now.. and then sneak attack him for child support as soon as I get on my feet.
My son's father is the same way. It's tough. You want your kids to not feel rejected and to know they're loved but with a dead beat parent it's difficult. My opinion about child support is that it is your daughters right. I don't think it's mean or any other negative thing to go file for it. I have filed and it is managed by child support enforcement because there is no way he would ever pay me directly. Besides, this way it is all on record and the government keeps tabs on how much he owes. They pay is extremely sporadic and never anything I could count on. But when I do get it I put it into a fundI have had saving for my son's college education since he was a baby. Since it adds interest and grows someday the little he does pay along with what I deposit could allow my son the future I want for him. Even if he does start spending a lot of time with her it's still a necessity for the other partner to contribute in a meaningful financial way to their childs future, as well as emotional, spiritual etc.. Just my opinion though... I'm sorry you are having to go through this. My son's Dad decided he didn't want to be involved at all by the time my son was a year old so now that he is old enough to ask questions I am dealing with the difficulty of all that. There just isn't a way to adequately explain to a child why their Dad isn't around. I'm certainly not going to bad-mouth him and the whole truth would involve that, so I dread the day when the questions will become more intense. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I feel for you and I'm sorry.
I dont have a problem filing, its just I know they will grant me temporary custody and he will try to fight it.. even though he doesnt have the money to fight it and neither do I. Im just trying to keep my daughter in my custody, Im just afraid it will open a can of worms because Im not on my feet yet and I dont want him to have anything to hold over my head.
oh, I see. That is a tough situation. Do you have access to a lawyer, or do you think if you sat down and talked about it with him he would listen at all? Good luck with whatever happens.
I hope that this question isn't offensive to you or rude BUT do you think that he really even wants her? By the things that you said it doesn't sound like it to me. You might be giving him more credit than he desrves. DBDads usually don't want the kids. Have you ever met his GF? With her two there she may also not want another child.
I think that you should go for the support! You could use the extra cash to help get you and your DD back on your feet! He has it made right now and that is SO not fair to you! I don't know the laws in Georgia but here they prefer that the children stay with their mothers if possable.
Good Luck
Hey - congrats on the weight loss. I am going to take a different P.O.V. on this... so take it with a grain of salt ok? What I see when I read your post is just overwhelming rage (not that your anger isn't justified) but what I worry about is what that is doing to you, and then to your daughter. That kind of anger has a way of poisoning you.. it's toxic. I am not excusing him or his behavior - life isn't fair. But you can't let the unfairness of life keep you from living to your full potential.... don't react - make an action plan for bettering your life and follow through on it... great if you get child support but fine if you don't... knowing you don't have to rely on him and having the satisfaction that you can make it on your own will quell some of that anger... then figure out what attracted you to him, and make sure that you're not attracted to another man like him... Not so sure that I'd want my daughter around him as a role model anyways.... just my two cents.... glad you had a forum to vent in. Good luck.
When they award you temporary custody...isn't that just until the court can order full custody? He WILL have to fight you and he WILL have to prove you unfit since you are the one that's provided all care for your daughter in the last 3 years - he will have to prove to the courts that in lieu of his absence he would be the better parent even though he didn't give a rats butt about being the custodial parent until you wanted money from him.
You didn't say why you are having to get back on your feet but getting back on your feet isn't really something he could hold over your head....especially if you have moved closer to family for more support. For example, if he doesn't pay child support and all of your daughters monetary support came from solely you and you decided it was best for you and daughter to be closer to relatives for added moral support and you are STILL the only monetary support your daughter receives (minus relatives letting you stay with them in the interim)...the courts will eat him alive.
Please don't be scared of him or what you think you might do. If you've been on the up and up and everything you've done has been for the good of your daughter...the courts are your best friend.
ok, first I want to say, I don't have kids but I have been around them my whole life. Kids are very very smart. she will eventually notice her dad's behaviour and question you about it. someone posted a question as to whether he even "wants her"--his action say he doesn't. Would you file for full custody? it may be better for her to be surrounded by those who take a huge interest in her and make her FEEL wanted and appriciated-if you can't do that definately file for support! also, here in Canada, we have a thing called big sisters/big brothers, maybe you could get her involved with something similar (if she is old enough)-it doesnt cost a thing and it will give your sometime to yourself.
I don't know this may nothavehelped, but I tried
Courts don't like to change the status quo. The child's been with you, they'll stay with you. Any fighting he might do is only going to cost him lawyer fees. You need to start documenting when he doesn't show for visits and anytime you have to get a last minute sitter because of him. A judge may grant you the cost of the sitter, or at least half of any and all daycare costs. If you fall within the income guideline, Legal Aid may help. If you just need to get or enforce a CS order, CSE (through your states Human Services Dept.) may be able to do it for you.
In reading more, I'm not sure...are you even divorced yet?
Look, if you've been apart for 3 years and the child has been with you all that time, he doesn't stand a snowball's chance. In fact, if you get a really tough judge, he MAY find himself facing a support order retroactive to the date you two separated, and find himself owing thousands of dollars the day you leave the courtroom. If you haven't yet divorced, Legal Aid can probably help you obtain the divorce and custody. They don't always work on custody "changes", but on the initial divorce/custody, yes. Start documenting everything, all conversations (follow them up in writing, cert./ret. receipt).
You're looking at a man who's had 3 years to help support his kids and is going to require a court to tell him to do the right thing. No judge is going to give him a chance for custody of any type. He may get the standard every other weekend visitation order...which you would have to follow, but he would not...anymore than he's visiting now. But if you can show the court up front that he doesn't show up when he says, you may ask for and get a clause that says he has to provide you with X amount of notice of visits, that visits have to be agreed upon beforehand, or that you are only required to wait 15 minutes...any number of things could be added to the order to prevent him from wasting your time and making you wait on him to show up when he's not going to show.
Go file...now. Most judges won't make support retro except back to the date you file. Some will go beyond...to the separation. But like has been said...this is money you can use to help get on your feet, and money your child will certainly benefit from. Don't be afraid of what he can do, because the answer is "nothing".
The biological father of my now 21 year son was never in his life and this is with living with his parents and me allowing them to have my son every other weekend and he didn't even bother to stay home while my son was there. I asked once for child support and got a nasty letter back stating that his parent bought my son things so I shouldn't be even asking for his help. My son and I have been with my husband since my son turned 1. Eventually it dawned on my husband and me that if something actually happenned to me and I died, this a$$ had more rights to my son than the man who raised him. We talked about starting adoption proceedings and my then 10 year old son wanted to talk to his biological father. They talked a little and the bf said he would keep in contact so we stalled the proceedings to give him a chance to be a man. Much to my son's dissappointment there was never any more contact so we filed the paperwork. I tried to talk rationally to my ex and his exact words were that he did not want my son and didn't care what we did but he would not sign the papers and make anything easy for me. Well his lack of retuning the paperwork was as good as him actually signing to the courts and my son was adopted by my husband. I tried very hard not to say anything bad about the ex because like my parents who never spoke bad of each other after their divorce..the truth comes out and actions speak much louder than words. My son still has contact with his biological grandparents and other members of the family but the ex's name is never spoken by them. My brother took my son to some of his friends house who are also friends with my ex and when asked about his "dad" he told them that he loves my husband and he is the only Dad he has. They then told him all the ex's sordid past and all his bad qualities. My son came back and asked me why I never told him how much his "nickname" for my ex is really true....what is it you are wondering......my son calls his biological father...."the crackhead sperm donor" though the ex was much more into cocaine than crack it still fit....
Hey Ready2, Take some slow deep breaths. Venting is fine...but your #1 priority is protecting that gorgeous baby girl of yours. First, document everything in a rational unbiased manner. Contacts you made, promises he made, actions that he did or did not do. Second, touch base with a social worker. He or she will know the ins and outs of the law and custody culture in GA. You need very good information before you proceed with anything.
I really don't have any advice for you but just wanted you to know that my heart breaks for both of you. I will keep you in my thoughts. I really hope everything works out.
Absolutely LIVID!
Now this is not a guy that gets his daughter on a regular basis and pays child support and everything is hunky freakin' dori. This YEAR he has probably got her a total of 3 weeks. Yes.. 3 weeks. I was living a state away so it was forgiveable to an EXTENT. Now I have been back in town a week and he has got her ONCE. I thought.. no big deal he will have her this weekend. I have never filed for child support because all I wanted him to do is be in her life. I am FED up.. I am going Monday morning and filing for child support. He does NOTHING absolutely NOTHING. While all my money goes on the necessities for her, he gets to buy toys and stuff ( when he does that) so he looks like hes super dad or something when he really is nothing. I dont know that I will go Monday and file for child support because like I said I just moved back in town and I am staying with relatives until i can get into my place and I dont legally have custody because there was never a custody agreement. Its just basically been every since she was 3 months and we broke up he gets when he feels like it and thats it. I dont want him to be able to get her, even though he is shacked up with his girlfriend who has two kids ( that arent his) and he has no car, and I know for a fact that he smokes weed ( not around my daughter though, hes not that dumb). The only thing that is hurting me is I just moved back and Im having to live with relatives. But I have a car, I dont do drugs, and I am looking for a job ( been here a week) I just dont think its fair that I am a full time mom, and hes a part time dad who never takes initiative. I dont care that he does " have to work" what would he do if I was a state away and he had her? How does him working benefit my daughter? Its like.. I want to file for child support but I dont want him to get her because he will try to fight me for custody when knowing good and well he cant take care of her. GOD.. I really really really dispise him. I guess this rant is over.. any words you girls can give would be appreciated.. I just needed to get it all out before I bust him one.. because I have taken this crap for 3 years almost and its SO old. Part of me says, just take care of her on your own.. let him just do his stupid s*** and just never count on him. I just dont want my little girl to get taken from me because Im not up on my feet yet. She is what I live for. He doesnt even call her, he only calls when he wants to get her.. which is never. So it seems.
but just wanted you to know that my heart breaks for both of you.