Note of explanation: This is a cut n paste from my regular blog, where I try to think of all the reasons I have to stay strong and stick with the plan... I think I just need a bit of a kick in the behind...
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So, here it is, that moment this blog was started for. I'm depressed, I'm lethargic, and I'm hungry. It started yesterday. I exercised yesterday morning. I work out in front of the bedroom mirror, which is normally fine. Up until now I have happily been admiring the extremely subtle changes in my body. Maybe it was my imagination (hello, lack-of-self-esteem, welcome back, you b****) but I sort of thought I saw a lessening of my thighs and traces of something, not quite definition but, something noticeable about my abs. Yesterday, all I could see was jiggle. Lots and lots of jiggle, and it really grossed me out. SO, I had to turn my back on the mirror and finish my workout without it. Sigh...
Anyway, I did take an extra walk with my friend after class, and that was good. But when I got home I was suddenly ravenous and wanted to eat - no, I wanted to pig out, badly. I had an apple and a large glass of water, but that seemed to make my stomach very...."gurgle-ey"?? And, it did nothing for the need to feed. I wanted... breakfast... biscuits and gravy, grits, eggs, bacon and sausage, and keep it coming please. What else? I also had a huge desire for queso dip and tortillas. I'm really glad I didn't have any of the fixin's for such stuff in the house. I was prowling the house and was working myself up to heading for the grocery store, but my beloved suggested that I would regret it. I agreed, of course. Part of me wanted to just wait until after he left for school and go get it anyway, but I just can't go back to sneaking around and hiding food. Sigh, not yet, anyway. I guess I'm not completely lost...
My mind kept coming up with other alternatives to start grazing on, of course. Popcorn, peanut butter, 100 calorie snack packs, all of which I have in house... ugh... I decided to just make dinner instead. I made my not-quite-world-famous chicken enchiladas. With all that cheese they aren't exactly the lowest fat/calorie item that I make at home, but they are one of my best dishes, and a comfort food, and I haven't made them in a long time. So, I made 6 of them, which is way too much for just the two of us, and I ate 3 of them, which is way too much for just me. But that was it. I could feel that it was a choice of eating just a little too much at dinner until I was really satisfied or, eating just a portion and still grazing on crap the rest of the night. At least, I guess, I chose <b>what</b> I ate and <b>when</b> I ate it rather than stuffing mindlessly when I finally lost control. That's gotta be worth something. Is it?
Lala, I think it's worth a lot.
I had a similar day on Tuesday, and I wanted to eat everything in sight. I think that sometimes we're just going to have days like that, and the best thing we can do is to make a better choice than we have in the past. I had a big bowl of oatmeal for my dinner. Not the best choice, but it beats the big bag of chips I would have had in the past.
Don't dwell on the lapse. Know that you have the strength to move forward and continue to make good choices in your exercise and eating habits.
And as for the jiggle... you're just tired, hon. Be good to yourself, catch up on some sleep, and that inner strength will come back.
Oh Lala, I know the jiggle all too well! My closet doors and a whole wall in my dining room are made of mirrors so I have ample opportunity to check myself out, not always the best thing. I’m not sure moving into this apartment didn’t have something to do with my motivation to get in shape, the only mirror in my old house was a tiny medicine cabinet . Since I started lifting I’ve found myself admiring the muscles I’m growing, but other days all I can see is the jiggle over the muscles and I just can’t wait for it to be gone already! It’s mostly in your head, so just keep it up and do your best every day. You will be thrilled with what you see in the mirror before too long!
lala--
I had a day like that earlier this week. I wanted ice cream and I was pissed that I couldn't, shouldn't have it. I just kept reminding myself that I'm not a normal eater, that if I ate it I wouldn't stop. I was grouchy, but I didn't eat off my plan. When I woke up the next morning I was glad that it was over.
Thanks, everyone, for the encouragement! I'm still a little blue, but the deep depression seems to be fading. I've also had a ton of little NSV's to remind me that the jiggle isn't the important thing... it's how I feel, it's how far I've come, it's all the new stuff I can do, all just in 12 little pounds. If 12 pounds have caused this much change what will 22 bring? Or 42?
Most of my NSV's are clothes related... I dove into my closet to see if it would make me feel any better... one is sex related (yippeee!!)... but I'll just share the one about my morning stretch! A few weeks ago I reported that I could reach my ankle, just the top, while doing some floor stretches. As of yesterday, I can wrap my fingers aroun my entire ankle when I bend! Coolness, eh?
Thanks again for your kind words... I really love this place...
Lala, I'm so glad you're starting to feel better.
Clothes, sex and flexiblity, eh? Sounds as though you could soon be combining the three.
You know, when we feel down, the depression looks endless to us. It's a good habit to get into to remind ourselves while we're depressed that the feeling will pass. That it's only a brief phase. If we could just learn to nurture ourselves through those black periods, knowing that there's an end in sight, they wouldn't be so difficult. (someone remind me of that next time I'm down, please... heh heh)
Lala, next thing you know, you'll be up against a wall standing on your head. Keep your spirits up, sweetie!!
Same old BS
I think that sometimes we're just going to have days like that, and the best thing we can do is to make a better choice than we have in the past. I had a big bowl of oatmeal for my dinner. 
Not the best choice, but it beats the big bag of chips I would have had in the past. 
. Since I started lifting I’ve found myself admiring the muscles I’m growing, but other days all I can see is the jiggle over the muscles and I just can’t wait for it to be gone already! It’s mostly in your head, so just keep it up and do your best every day. You will be thrilled with what you see in the mirror before too long!
I've also had a ton of little NSV's to remind me that the jiggle isn't the important thing... it's how I feel, it's how far I've come, it's all the new stuff I can do, all just in 12 little pounds. If 12 pounds have caused this much change what will 22 bring? Or 42? 
A few weeks ago I reported that I could reach my ankle, just the top, while doing some floor stretches. As of yesterday, I can wrap my fingers aroun my entire ankle when I bend! Coolness, eh?