[plb@m]

I went to my daughters basketball instead of going to my dads wedding . Now he's not talking to me and I don't feel bad . I told him she might have a game that day. Now this was DDs first game ever ! You only have one first game and she didn't want to miss it. This was his 3nd time getting married and I never got to meet wife #2 didn't even know about her until it was over. He was never there for me growing up and DD don't have a dad . I'm not going to be like my dad I will always pick my kids over anyone . I have asked him to go to games and have tried to get him to be a grandfather, but he's just not cut out for it. When he was married to my mom he beat her and got around a lot and had a couple of kids by different women . He's did a lot of bad things in front of me and my brothers killing pets and things like that, but I let it go because he said he changed and he has for the most part. I just don't get after all he has done to us way he would stop talking to me because of this .The only thing I can think of it must be easier for him to forgive him self then others. That's what he says he forgives him self for all the bad things he has done and never has said so much as sorry to us. I can go on and on about the bad things he has done. I just don't understand how he could ever get mad at me for not being there. Should I feel bad ?

[justjodi]

((((plb@m)))) you feel what you feel hon, don't beat yourself up over it, it sounds like you did what you thought was best for your daughter. there is no shame in that. my dad was a lot like yours when i was a kid, he is not a good grandfather to my children now, despite my efforts. i had to come to the realization that i can't take responsibility to foster a relationship where there is none. being a father does not make you a dad. just my humble opinion.

[ellis]

plb@m, I agree with Jodi. You did what you felt was best, and from the sounds of your dad, I would have done the very same thing.
And as Jodi said, "... you feel what you feel...", and I think that says something about you. You genuinely care about other people, which is possibly (probably!) more than can be said about your dad. You're a good mom, and you love and care for others. You can't change who you are, and you shouldn't. But you can't change your dad, and that's not your responsibility.
I can just hear my psychiatrist saying, "He's not talking to you? GREAT!!! Less stress in your life."
You make the choices that are right for YOU and your family. Don't compromise who you are, hon.

[plb@m]

Thank you girls, and yes it is less stress.
I was thinking I was in general chatter when I posted this , but I guess I got it wrong .Oh well you girls have made me feel a lot better and thats what I needed.

[Margarita]

He can get mad at you because he's completely self-centered, and in his mind, it's all about him. (Sorry to speak so harshly of your father, but I want you to understand that his anger is no reflection on you.)

You made the right call. Your DD's first game was an important milestone, and I'm sure it would've hurt her--for no good reason--if you hadn't been there. That's what moms are for. Please don't second-guess yourself. You made the a decision you can be proud of.

[maegdaeien]

I don't see how you can keep trying to have a relationship with him after ALL THAT, but you do one thing that irritates him and you're cut out. I mean, you'd think he'd be glad that you gave him so many extra chances and realize that maybe he should give you one (not that I feel you need it as I would've done the same thing, but he would).