Ever noticed that? Somtimes people you think of as acquaintances seem to be more helpful or concerned when you are sick or hurt than the people who you thought were good friends.
Since my back has been hurt, some of my good friends have been supportive, and some have acted like if they talk to me they're going to catch my hurt back.
It's a good way to weed out the "weeds" isn't it??
I am a two time cancer survivor. This is what I posted on my blog...
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. ~Henri Nouwen
I begin this entry with the above quote for all those people who struggle with finding true friends. Being a true friend means that you forget about your fears (or face them). Fear of death, fear of altering the outcome, fear of what to say, fear of the unknown. Being a true friend means that you give and you take equally. You do to your friends what you would want to be done to you. Cancer helped me to define the true friends in my life. While I was sick my true friends still talked to me like nothing had changed. My true friends stepped up to the challenge of helping me heal instead of cowering away. My true friends still asked me for advice, told me about what was happening in their lives, they were not afraid to come see me. My true friends came with open arms to watch TV. They made me laugh, they helped me cry. They told me stories of survivors. They were not afraid to see my bald head. They pointed out every inch of new hair on my head and celebrated with me. To all my true friends, and you know who you are, I thank you. You will never know the impact each of you had on my recovery. To my not so true friends, I would like to say I am sorry that you missed out on such a beautiful experience. "
so yeah illness of any kind can really help to weed out "weeds"!
Your post gave me chills! Congratulations on beating your cancer!
I had a casual friend who got lymphoma several years ago. One of our mutual friends was a very good friend of hers but once "M" was diagnosed with lymphoma, the other friend, who lived a block from her and was supposed to be one of her good friends, would not go to see her or talk to her. She said she was afraid she would cry in front of her and make her feel bad. I said, "how dumb is that? Don't you think she has already cried over it? Do you think if you cry she is suddenly going to realize she is sick, like she didn't already know?" I told her that one of the nicest things she could probably do was go and cry with her, but she never would go.
People get really weird over illness or injury. I have had some other health problems in the past and was surprised at some of the people who stepped up to comfort me, and then others, who I had helped through some hard times as well, seemed afraid to come around until I was better. I just don't get it!
This could be said for anything, not just illness, loss of job, new baby, boyfriend, just got married. When ever someone makes a change, good or bad, some friends can't adapt with you. The ostridges,,sticking their heads in the sand instead of sticking their hand out to help.
When I read of the friend who didn't want to cry infront of her friend, that brought back memories, 2 years ago next month I sat infront of an old friend, same age as me, at the time 35 years old. She had been married for almost 3 years, she had a sweet 7 month old baby girl. And she was dying from cancer that somehow had silently ravaged her body. Spine, breasts, and organs.
I sat there watching as the nurse gave her morphine, which wasn't working, my friend (Andrea) was in agony, her knuckles were white from her tight grip. I completely flipped out, I dragged a nurse to her,,,shaking and crying I told her to help her,,,cause I couldn't. She found the IV tube was kinked and wasn't letting anything by. Soon Andrea was feeling relief, but I wasn't, I couldn't stop crying,,,and when I mean crying I mean loudly bawling. I was suppose to go there and lend support, give strength, and I sat there unable to talk. She sat there giving me support,,,rubbing my arm,,,trying to calm me. I was sitting there in every person worst waking nightmare! A dear friend dying, a baby without a mom, family and friends at a loss. But the thing that makes me still shudder is, what if it was me? I saw Andrea twice more, once she was so sedated she didn't know anything and the other in her casket. Was I a good friend? I was there for her, but not helpful at all.
So my thought on your weeding, some people can't handle situations of change at all, question is do you want them there celebrating your life's triumphs? If not you may just have to place them in the dept of just acquaintances... and your thick and thin friends, keep closer to your heart. You will get more friends, and more acquaintenances throughout life. And you may go from dear friend to acquaintances in someone else's life. Or vice versa....
Angie, you WERE there for her and you WERE helpful. If it had been you, would you have wanted your friend to sit there like it was no big deal? I'm sure it made her feel very loved to see you so upset. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, though.
It brought back memories for me also... a few years ago one of my best friends had a miscarriage while her husband was out of town and she could not get hold of him for a day or so. She phoned to tell me and I felt silly because I just burst into tears and cried. But later she told me how much that meant to her that I cared that much and it encouraged her when there weren't any words to really express it.
You learn who your real friends are
My 2 cents...
