[swingchick]

OK, here is the admission I hate making: I've never dated. I had a couple of dates with someone last spring, but it didn't go anywhere, and that is that grand total.
I guess I just don't have any ideas on how to meet a guy (I don't drink regularly, and I already know most of the guys I dance with- plus I've reached the level that can be a little intimidating for people who are new to the group). Any dating advice for me? I'd really like to start meeting some more people.
Note: Part of the problem has been that I was self-conscious about my weight, and that kept me from being very outgoing. But I am actually at a very good place right now, I'm just having a hard time meeting people. Any advice would be really appreciated

[maegdaeien]

It sounds like we're in a pretty similar place. I'm your age and weight too, and although I did go out with one guy for about 2 years we broke up in August and I have flown totally solo since then.

I checked your profile and saw that you're a student-- are you taking a lot of classes, and do you spend a lot of time on campus? Because that's really the best way to meet people. Hanging out before class and making a comment to a guy about the prof, or asking what they did for the homework, or if they can explain something about the upcoming test to you... whatever, so long as you start talking!

The main thing I've gathered about dating is that the approach is ALL ABOUT CONFIDENCE. Have you seen those girls who aren't very nice and aren't even that pretty, but everyone thinks they are? It's probably because when the girls think they are, others tend to believe them. I'm so glad you said that you're in a good place right now, because that'll make it easier. Just pick out an outfit that makes you feel really good about yourself, find some cute shoes, and go strut your stuff! If you feel good about yourself, you'll feel more inclined to share it with others.

[mocha74]

I am by no means a dating expert and can only tell you from my experience that I had some great succesful dates from online. I don't think Craigslist is big in WI, but it is in the bay area. I went on a lot of dates from there. I met my now boyfriend of 3 years on Craigslist.

Besides online, you just need to be out in the social scene. Go out and do stuff that you like so you can meet people doing the things that you like.

I also agree with Kate about confidence. You have to not be afraid to approach a guy. It doesn't have to seem like you're picking up on him, just start up a simple conversation.

Good luck!!!

[Jman1]

I met my longtime girlfriend on an online dating site a few years ago after going on almost ten first dates that didn't work out over the course of a year or so. A trick for meeting people in real life is to have something in your life where you have to be with the same people regularly for a while. Either you're in a class together or you're on some committee, or you volunteer somewhere at the same time every week, etc.

[jillybean720]

I'm all about online dating. I met my BF of almost 2 years now in a chat room. It wasn't a dating service or a romance chat room or anything, just a locals chat (DC area). It was great because we were just talking, not necessarily looking for a relationship, and it just blossomed into one.

I was on an online dating site for a while, and I got some really creepy guys contacting me either about freaky sex things (even though I didn't mention sex AT ALL in my profile, and I only said I was looking for friendship, dating, and relationships, NOT sexual encounters), and I also got a lot of guys who made it quite apparent in their messages that English was not their primary language (many of them didn't even live in the US). Because of that, I think chat rooms might be a better choice than dating services, but that's just based on my own personal experience. At least in a topic chat room, you know you have something in common right away (location, hobbies, interests...whatever the topic of the chat room is).

As for face-to-face meeting people, I'm horrible at that, too, so I got nothin' to offer ya I drank a lot in college, which is how I met most people, but I only hooked up with a couple, and they definitely weren't anything special. I never had a real boyfriend till I met my Jeff (when I was 21) and had only gone on actual dates twice before that (I don't count bumping into a drunken comrade at a frat party a date ), and both of them I had met in chat rooms also.

[canadian*girl]

i think it's simply all about talking and not being afraid to talk. talk to everybody and everyone no matter where you are (class, supermarket, church, bus stop, out with friends, playing pool, exercising, the park, at the mall, everywhere).

i met my husband simply b/c i asked him what book he was reading and where he's from.

[ncola]

One thing that I've found about dating is that sometimes you have to be the one to take the lead. I've been going out with my current guy for almost 3 years now, and I'm not sure if it would have happened if I hadn't gone ahead and initaited it and kissed him (and believe me, I'm very shy about these things). Nowadays it's more acceptable for the girl to make the first move, so a lot of guys expect that if a girl really likes them, they'll do something about it. It sucks, I know, but sometimes it pays to bite the bullet and put yourself out there.

[jdoggmartin]

Great ideas! Just be open to try new things. Take up a new hobby, join a club/group, take a class, get involved in church (if that's your thing), etc. -- anything that puts you around a new set of people. The more people you meet, the better your chances of finding someone to date.

I met my boyfriend of more than a year through a friend. She said that her co-workers were playing football and asked if I wanted to come. I was kind of hesitant and nervous, but I met my boyfriend and a whole new set of friends. So, just be willing to try something new.

Also, I've had friends that have had success with online dating -- it's just another way to meet more people.

[Megan1982]

swingchick,

ain't no shame in it! I had been on 7 whole dates before I met my current BF at 23. I've always been really shy, and spent most of my time studying and not socializing. I'm not the best person to be giving advice, but I just wanted to tell you how I did finally meet my BF. My friends/co-workers were buying me a drink for my b-day (but this really had nothing to do w/ alcohol or being in a bar). Our building had been flooded by a hurricane 5 days before, and our head office hadn't sent anyone to clean up the mess, so we were doing it - literally ripping up moldly carpet and hauling furniture to the dump. We were all disgusting, dirty, sweaty, eww. But as I was sitting there laughing w/ my friends in spite of this I remember thinking, "wow, I'm so lucky to have such great people in my life" because in spite of everything we could still just relax after an awful week and have fun. I thought I must look pretty goofy b/c I was smiling so much, but I couldn't help it, I was just happy. For once I wasn't even thinking about meeting anyone. Not 10 minutes later my now-BF, who knew a bunch of my friends, walked in. I was dirty, sweaty, etc. but that didn't matter. I was happy with myself. So as many have said here - you've got to have confidence. You don't need to go out "to meet a guy." Just go out to have fun.

Also campuses are definitely such a great place to meet people. How about studying at the library? I worked there in college and wooahhh the hook-ups that went on. Also for some reason grocery stores and gyms are good places to meet people. (Although I personally hate it when a guy tries to hit on me at the gym.)

Good luck!

[swingchick]

Thank you all for the great advice! I'm definately trying to be more outgoing, spend more time out of the house (homework in the library, etc), but almost all of my social time is spent dancing, and I'm having a really hard time meeting new people there. Any suggestions to seem less intimidating? I already go out of my way to introduce myself to people I don't recognize, and ask newbies to dance...Thanks again, I really appreciate your help!