I've been lurking here for quite sometime, and am finally coming out into the open. This looks like it could be a great place to talk to others who can relate, and really understand...
Finally admitting to myself and others what my real problem is, and trying to find ways to resolve it. I'm very compulsive, and very easy to binge. I would love to break free of the bondage that points and exchanges make me feel.....would like to throw away the measuring cups, no more 1/2 c. of this, only 1/4 cup of that! and oh god, don't you dare use more than 1 T. of peanut butter. Rules and regulations....It's all kind of silly, isn't it. The time of people telling me how 'strong' I am for passing up cake at a b/d party is over. It's not being strong..it's being so weak that you know if you start you may not stop. it's knowing how you will feel if someone sees you sneak back to the cake and dip your finger in the icing...
Talking about this, and bringing it out of the darkness is where I am finally feeling some encouragement within myself. I would love to talk to others who feel the same way.
Viki, I agree whole heartedly. I've been reading Geneen Roth's book on just such a topic: "Overcoming Compulsive Eating" (or something like that).
I refuse to feel ostrasized because of my size! I will eat what I want and when I need it. I will not let anyone tell what or when I should eat any more.
COMPULSIVE EATERS UNITE!
I only hope God gives me the strength and motivation to keep it up.
Yvette, I am so encouraged someone responded to that post. And you know what else blew my mind? You and I do the same type of work. I'm also in Special Ed. Except here in Ohio it is referred to as MH (Multi-Handicapped) Do those days when the kids seem to be totally off the wall seem to stress you out more, and make you want to run for a bag of cookies like it does me?
I want to just eat healthily. Food I enjoy, which I know is good for my body. I want to stop when I am full, and leave it at that.
I am also really getting into Geneen Roth. Another one I found helpful was called "French Toast for breakfast", it's by Mary Ann Cohen.
Let's talk more. I am finding it so helpful to voice what I am feeling about the binging. Bringing it into the light.
It's a big step to come out of the shadows and become willing to accept help. It's one thing to want help, and another to be brave enough to actually use it.
You seem like you can express yourself really well. Just through reading your post, I bet you're very creative. Do you write as a hobby?
Anyway, never give up...
we only have one life, so it's up to us to use it how we want... Good luck!
-Kate
I work w/ high school students w/ moderate to severe mental ******ation. They have a minimum of physical challenges. Here in AZ MH describes the severe MR students w/ severe physical challenges as well.
Oh yes, I call those "Full Moon Days". It doesn't matter if there is really a full moon, they just bounce of the walls (sometimes literally) I don't go for cookies as much as pasta, bread and butter, starchy things. A hearty chicken noodle soup w/ homemade bread and real butter are my ultimate comfort foods. In and of itself it is not a bad meal, however, I eat until I about to pop!
After I'm done w/ Geneen Roth I'll look into Ann Cohen. Do you know about the thread in Support called "the non-diet approach"? Hollygirl started it and she is using exercises from Geneen Roths books. It's very good. I hope to see you there.
I currently weigh in at 261. My ultimate goal is 150, however, I'll be thrilled to lose the first 10#'s. For some reason I have gained weight this summer. I usually don't. I've been doing my best to eat only when hungry, I've had some WOW insights since starting this.(it's only been a week) I think maybe I'm ready to face some of my eating issues because the WOW's have been enlightening more than frightening. Fear is my primary emotion when it comes to food.
I'm so glad we found each other! I feel like we will have a lot to talk about.
I used to think I wanted to write, Yvette. Anything having to do with english, literature, and creative writing when I was in HS was where I gravitated. But..that was a long time ago.
The kids I work with are ages 5 - 10. A variety of disabilities, from autism to downs to CP or just about anything else. Some are highly functioning, others have minds that seem to be locked away....The hard part of my day is after last recess, after I have been chasing them around the playground, and we come in for snack time.
I found the non-diet thread this morning, and just made a reply to it. I re-read what I wrote, and it made me feel slightly unsettled. It's a good thread.
I am weighing in at approx 191.5. That's what I was Monday afternoon at the Y after I worked out. I started out at 315, back in 97. I would like to eventually get to 160 as well.
yesterday was not good. I started the day with good intentions of eating healthy foods, and trying to just eat at mealtimes, and use moderate portions. Breakfast was fine. But after running errands, I came home and ate lunch standing at the kitchen counter. Maybe I try to work on too many changes at once? Then I made some homemade bread and kind of went overboard. The recipe made 2 small loaves, I think i ended up eating one of the loaves by myself, just kept going back and slicing off one more little piece. And used real butter..another one of my down falls. I did manage 2 walks yesterday. The first one was about 3 miles, the second one much shorter.
I too am glad we found ech other. It's going to be extremely helpful!
Vicki you have done an incredible job w/ weight loss! More than 100#'s! Now that is something to brag about!
I go back to work in a month. It's time to kick preperations into high gear but I'm enjoying my summer so much. I do look forward to the paycheck though. We used up a big portion of my summer pay on a newer vehicle.
I had a nice long workout this morning. I pushed myself to go longer than usual and feel great. I've been doing well w/ the food today, I hope I can stay focused when my kids come home from camp.
Tomorrow I pick up my younger daughter.
I just finished reading G.R.'s chapter on your situation yesterday. Use that as a learning experience. Next time you feel the urge to eat at the counter just sit. On the floor if you have to. You can still eat, you just have to be sitting down. That will help you bring the focus back where it belongs.
Today is a new day w/ new opportunities and new experiences. Isn't that great! It's like a clean chalk board. You can write anything you want on it! Save me a piece of homemade bread! It's my favorite!
Much better today....I felt more controlled. had some fresh peaches, strawberries....and no homemade bread! I'm going on a new insulin, and need to really be diligent about my food. This is going to allow me to go from 2 shots a day to 1. But these first 2 weeks I really need to be mindful of what I eat so we can see how it reacts. so, today I counted points. Exactly what I am trying to get away from. points and exchanges. Balancing the diabetic me with the compulsive eater me is proving to be difficult at times.
I go back to work myself the 3rd week of August. Looking forward to it at times, at other times I wish the summer could just go on and on.
Good job on the work out, Yvette. I'm heading to the Y myself tomorrow. I need to sweat. I think it may be a good day to go up on the walking track and try a little running. But maybe I'll work up a good sweat on the treadmill first. The exercise feels like magic.
Good idea, just to sit. I need to remember that. I've just finished "Feeding the Hungry heart" last week. I picked up "When Food is Love" at the library yesterday. Now, I just need to really apply these wonderful ideas I am getting from G.R., as well as the hints and tips from friends here on the boards.
My first posting
I feel like we will have a lot to talk about.
Save me a piece of homemade bread! It's my favorite!
