I'm going to cry . . . I'm at that stage where my kids want to be on MSN messenger with their friends.
This is going to sound really dumb . . . so I need to get them their own hotmail e-mail address to do this?
Are there any other things a newbie parent needs to know????
I visit a few message boards and just participated in my very first "chat" a few weeks ago on beachbody but I have never been a part of the whole messenger/chat thing.
I've already discussed with my kids that their conversations will be monitored and once it gets going, I will also talk to them about not calling names, etc. to anyone else and how no one else should treat them that way also. They have already mentioned the predators - & we had an Amber Alert a few months ago which they thought was because of the internet.
how old are your kids?
and yes that does mean you have to sign them up for hotmail.
msn messenger is a lot different than chat rooms.
with chat rooms anyone can talk to you, which is how predators work because they lie about themselves, and convince you they're someone else, but with msn messenger, you have to add someone, or approve someones add, so they can only accept the people they know.
and if your friends are only talking to their friends, then they shouldn't have to be name calling, but it is hard to control that, and to control what the other kids say.
I'm 17, and went through this whole thing with my parents, and they tried to watch what I did and said, but it gets to a point when they can't watch me everytime I went on, because I found ways to get on when they weren't home, or when they weren't paying attention.
All I can say is warn them about predators. There are people out there that prey on young people and try to lure them away with conversation pretending to be younger than they are. There is a setting in MSN that you can record their conversations without them knowing...it keeps a history. You could check into who they are talking to and what they are talking about. Also I wouldn't let them add anybody to their chat list unless you know who they are. Maybe this is just me being paranoid but I don't think you can be too protective when it comes to your kids and the internet!
A common misconception I seem to come across with parents regarding the internet and their children, is that the biggest danger is strangers finding out their child's info somehow. I often hear parents say "oh, his/her name and address aren't anywhere in their profile" or things like this. Nevermind they let their child post photos of themselves (myspace.com is the WORST for this), often in revealing clothing... but they fail to realize the huge danger is your child TELLING a "stranger" their own information. No matter how smart you think your child, preteen or teen is - they will EASILY fall victim to wanting to look cool and not like a scared kid.
In my 20s, I can't even count how many times kids between 12 and 16 would come into internet chat rooms and either say extremely sexual things and flirt with sometimes 40+ year old men, or beg them to let them come over and get drunk. It was downright frightening. I would even ask these kids where their parents were or why they were online unsupervised. Usually the kids would react in anger, stating "MY parents TRUST me!" *sigh* They were too young to see the irony in that statement.
I'm not familiar with the workings of MSN Messenger. If it is a program that does not allow you to enter chat rooms, and you keep note of who everyone is on your child's friend list, then perhaps it would be an OK way for them to communicate with their existing friends. I agree with the above posters that recording information & conversations (as nosy as that sounds) is also a good way to know what your kid is up to.
My bottom line for allowing your child to be on the internet is this: would you drop them off at a singles bar at midnight by themselves and be ok with it? If so, then by all means, let your child have completely private internet access.
The best advice is monitor and see to it that your kids don't give out a lot of personal information regarding themselves. The chat rooms can be okay but I've seen some where the language is really awful. Now, if their friends have MSN Messenger then they'll enjoy chatting with one another after school or at night. I use MSN Messenger to talk to friends of mine and I have my Messenger set at not accepting messages except for people I have allowed on my list.
I got msn, and yahoo, and all that jazz when i was about 11. My parents deffinatly informed me about never giving out personal informantion (phone numbers, address, city, full name), and never to meet people. I did enjoy using interenet a lot, because it some sometimes easier to talk to someone online than it is in person, or on the phone! In some ways, it was like the novelty of having a pen pal (i used to talk with people from all over the world,which was very neat for me). I deffinatly formed some connections with classmates that i wouldnt have otherwise, so it helped me in my immediate social group (such as a chinese friend of mine, who didnt really speak englishw when she came here, but she found it easier to write notes, and to instant message!) Mind you, you should probably limit the amount of time they spend on the computer, because it can get pretty addictive, and i regret now spending so much time on the computer! My parents never monitered me, because they trusted me enough to know better, which is true! I still wont meet people from online! *laughs* Just remember at some point,your kids will probably know more about computers than you (which is both good and bad! hehe!), and you cant moniter their conversations forever! Make sure you build enough trust in them now, and make sure you know they understand what's responsible online and what isnt!
Oh my goodness - i forgot to mention how helpful it was talking with my friends over msn when i needed help with homework. I think that saved me! *laughs* Its not all bad! And like mentioned, in order to have some one add you to their list, or you to add them, you have to either give out your email to them, or get theirs! Usually that means its someone you meet in person! Anyway thats just a bit from the kids point of view, having been raised using a computer myself..
In yahoo messenger (I can't speak for any of the other ones because I don't use them often) you can choose to save all the messages. You can also block all incoming messages from unknown users automatically without having to block each stranger individually. Another point to remember when signing up for these programs is making sure that you do NOT add them to the member directory.
I have a small thing to add. A friend's daughter had at least 3 programs running (AIM, Yahoo and MSN Messenger). They lead to letting the kid install all kinds of programs and spyware and viruses on the computer, eventually rendering the computer useless. Only allow the chat programs to be installed by an administrator, and do not let them install programs willy-nilly on the computer.
And on another note, Kim Komando has a "contract" for internet use that parent's and their children can sign. You might look into that on her website, Komando.com.
I think maybe the second biggest danger to kids on the internet--besides them giving out info to strangers--is them sitting there wasting away in front of the computer. Since I was 13 or 14 I have wasted waaaaaaaaaay too many hours of my life chatting to people, and I'm 21 now and here I am at 3FC, partly for that reason. If your kids are communicating with friends who live reasonably close, you might want to encourage them to have their friends come over and go ride their bikes or do something outside together instead!
Signing children up for MSN Messenger?
