I seem to be having more trouble lately dealing with the excess skin issue. I've been letting myself get down about it and I'm wondering how others have learned to cope with it when surgery is just not an option. I do hope to have the surgery some day but certainly not in the near future because of the $$ aspect. I know that there really isn't anything I can do about it for now and I've accepted that I did this to myself, but I find myself dwelling on it more and more lately. I guess what it comes down to, is that all of my life, I just wanted to feel normal, to fit in like everyone else. But being an obese child, teenager, and adult, I never felt like I belonged. Now, at 27 (still relatively young IMO) I just want to be able to dress like other women my age and feel comfortable in my own skin for once. I feel like I've worked so damn hard to get here, I just want to be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor. This success has been bittersweet in some ways. While I am overjoyed and eternally grateful for this second chance at life, I am also saddened that I am finding it difficult to be comfortable and really live it. So please, any suggestions or opinions are welcome. I've got to find a way to let go of this and move on.
Generally excess skin ends up in an inconspicuous spot. If it's not on your chin and upper arms to some extreme, you can hide it easily with normal clothing. I have the excess around the extreme lower stomach and hip area. So unless I intend to wear a thong (NOT!), no one knows it's there. So don't let it stop you from enjoying life. I find that even if I'm sitting with good posture and keeping my abs tight, you really can't even tell if you ARE completely nude. Let it help you to be conscious of your posture, but don't let it hinder you from enjoyment. You probably think it looks awful, but no one else is really even noticing. Sometimes we're our own worst enemies making things out to be worse than they are. And we just have to keep remembering that.
Beverly I don't have any answers other than I know exactly how you feel. I've lost 155 so far and am 42, so mine is pretty bad, and is evident everywhere -- not only huge abdomen issue, but I have a roll above the waist as well making it impossible to tuck in shirts and look decent, good posture or no. Awful wrinkly saggy butt, thighs, arms, chin, and BOOBS -- my god don't get me started on THAT. And of course long with it, the stretch marks ... *sigh* For me it's not about not looking like a beauty queen, but, like you, I would just like to appear NORMAL and not have to depend on camoflage.
Now that men are starting to pay attention, I am mortified at the idea of even letting anyone see me in a nice chemise, much less with less on. So I don't have an answer, other than I try to dress as best I can to hide these problems, including good undergarments, and just hope that one day, one day, one day, I can afford at least a tummy tuck.
Loose skin, we "can" hide. Before, when it wasn't loose, but bulging out the sides, front, middle, and everywhere in between, it was out there for the world to see. We couldn't even hide it in a baggy t-shirt.
Never let loose skin get ya down, because we've accomplished something amazing and so few people now see it, as opposed to everyone seeing what we were like before. At least now it "can" be hidden if need be.
Also, think about the fact that you and only you know what it was before. People see you as you are now...
When I was about 25 pounds more than I am now, I went to Hawaii with my husband. At that moment I felt fat... I went on boating trip and captain there was kind of "flirting" with me and another woman while our hubbies went on diving... After about half an hour talking to the guy while beeing in swimming suit (forget bikini) we started to talk about families and kids. Both captain and another woman talked to me as if I am on honeymoon. So I said - well, when I return back home, my 3 kids will be happy to see me. They just stopped talking and captain's jaw literally dropped to his abdomen... After that he said - well, I have to tell my wife that her excuse to be 100 pounds overweight after our first child was born does not work anymore...
So here I see myself - overweight and unhappy about my weight. And I see other people seeing me as middle age woman with some excess weight... One thing is they do not know what you went for - they do not know if you were ever overweight or you always were like this... When I look at my pics from hawaii now I look so big there, I don't even want to think how much extra pounds i had than. But when i think about the woman which talked to me that day and a captain - you know what, I did not look fatter or bigger than they did, actually, I looked slimmer.
Stop comparing yourself to top models... It is real life. I am sure my husband knows about stretch marks, extra skin, far from perfect boobs, but you do not live with skin, you live with person (even though skin is what they guys see first). Learn to see beautiful in yourself, not extra skin...
Hope it helps, and it is free comparing to tummy tuck...
Sandy.
Thank you for your responses. Please don't get me wrong; I really wouldn't change it for the world. I would much rather be dealing with unsightly skin that CAN be covered up than living in shame with my very life at risk like I was. I guess I'm just a little down because, even after all the hard work, I'm still not comfortable going sleeveless or wearing shorts due to the folds of loose skin. I hate that I have to constantly be conscious of how far I raise my arms for fear of exposing the belly skin that literally hangs over the top of my pants. I feel like I am still letting this hold me back at a time that I should feel most free. And I hate that it bothers me this much. But thank you for letting me get this off my chest. It helps so much knowing that others can honestly relate. Sadly there just aren’t many of us out there who knows exactly how this feels.
oh bev, honey... i'm so saddened to read that you are unhappy with your appearance. yes, the skin is a royal pain [mine is starting to pucker - a truly festive look!!!!]
but i've seen you - in person. and you are GORGEOUS. no one notices your excess skin. just for fun, how about measuring your upper arm... and then let's get a few other people to do the same, and then we can compare.
i'll bet you that in terms of actual circumference, your arm is in the small range - but you see that the skin wobbles. and YOU KNOW it could be tighter. but i'm thinking is something that no one else sees. i noticed your eyes and smile...
and be sure to take your calcium. i remember from the far distant WW days hearing that calcium helped keep the skin from sagging, and helped it snap back. don't know if that's true, but i've alwas been afraid to go without it!!!
Thanks Jiffy, you are such a dear sweet heart! It's not so much about how I look on the outside because that can generally be covered up, and not many people really see the extent of the damage. Thank goodness my husband is legally blind, right?! Not that he would care anyway, luckily, that's just the kind of guy he is. It's more about how it makes me feel and that I allow it to hold me back. I accept that it's there and that there's really nothing more I can do about it than try to cover it up. I just want to be able to let go of the self-consciousness and maybe some of the resentment I've built up for doing this to myself. It’s more about that "head stuff" that we are all so familiar with. I feel like externally, I've taken it as far as I can for now. But internally, I still have a long way to go, and I’m desperately trying to catch up.
Gosh Meg said so many great things that are helping me adjust too. At 52 after loosing 115 lbs - I too have lots of wrinkles and saggy skin. In my younger years my skin did shrink back, but this time due to age and hormones it's not. It's a truth that I am still working on accepting. Some weeks I'm ok with it, some weeks not.
One thing I did want to add tho...... many of us cut back our fat intake to lose weight, and it's the healthy and necessary fats that help our skin be supple. I have started taking Omega-3 fatty acids (the healthy dietary fat) in the form of flaxseed oil tabs. There's also the fish oil tabs available where you get your vitamins.
Back in the 70's it was lecithin that was touted, in the 80's it was vitamin E oil tabs. Seems like in the 90's the fish oil was big, and now it's the flaxseed. It's all about getting the healthy fats for our skin and other organs.
I know at my age my skin won't shrink back, and I'm dedicated to not gaining the weight back.. so I'm learning to accept the saggy skin. I know more and more wrinkles are coming as I get older... EEEEEK
Allie
still up a few over goal, but maintaining over 100 lost for 10 months now
Oh my goodness Meg, I didn't realize that my post sounded as if I didn't want to hear from anyone who's had surgery. That certainly was not my intention. In fact, I was sort of hoping you would post a reply because of how much I admire your wisdom, compassion, and inspirational advice. Those of you who have had the surgery have been where I am right now; you were just able to take a different route than I can for the time being. So, of course, all of your experience and advice is definitely what I am seeking.
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The excess skin really isn't a punishment for becoming obese
That's a hard one to swallow. This is not a punishment; this is just the way our bodies work. It efficiently expanded to cover my enormous size, yet became damaged in the process. Plain and simple, cause and effect. I can't take it personally and continue to beat myself up for things I cannot change.
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Somehow we must convince ourselves that we're worth the time and effort and work and planning that it takes to keep the weight off - that we're OK just the way we are, skin and all.
I get the feeling I will be working on that one for the rest of my life. But that's okay as long as I just keep working on it.
Allie- Thanks, you made a good point about the healthy fat. I've been playing with the idea of adding a bit more fat in my plan in the hopes that it would fill me out some. But the idea of purposely gaining a few pounds, even if for a good reason, is well... Yup, that just about says it!! So, I will definitely be looking into flaxseed oil tabs because all I really want is the appearance of more supple looking skin, not an expanding waistline! Thank you again; I don’t think I ever would have thought of that.
Advice needed
Not that he would care anyway, luckily, that's just the kind of guy he is. It's more about how it makes me feel and that I allow it to hold me back. I accept that it's there and that there's really nothing more I can do about it than try to cover it up. I just want to be able to let go of the self-consciousness and maybe some of the resentment I've built up for doing this to myself. It’s more about that "head stuff" that we are all so familiar with. I feel like externally, I've taken it as far as I can for now. But internally, I still have a long way to go, and I’m desperately trying to catch up.
Yup, that just about says it!! So, I will definitely be looking into flaxseed oil tabs because all I really want is the appearance of more supple looking skin, not an expanding waistline! Thank you again; I don’t think I ever would have thought of that.
