[Hockeychik]

Hey everyone! I was on WW back in 2001/2002 and did great on the program...now 2.5-3 years later I've still got about 30-40 pounds I'd like to lose (I'm about 170'ish ?? haven't weighed myself in awhile .. lol) ... my BF loves my body the way it is, but lately I've started to get more and more depressed about the way I look and thats starting to affect 'us' b/c I'm always saying how fat I am while he's trying to tell me how much he loves me and how great I look, etc ... thankfully for my self esteem he's never been into "skinny" girls, and generally speaking if he ever even looks at another girl while we're out she's got a lil extra cushion on her lol .. so in a way that's at least helped me a bit not to worry so much .. however, lately I've started to get more down about it, and I'm feeling worse about myself, and about how I'm acting towards him .. I'm starting to shy away more again and with him I've actually been comfy enough to not have to do that ... I also mentioned in another post (and sorry if it's tmi ) but my BF and I are very open, and both watch/look at porn on the computer, or the DVD's we have, etc .. both alone, and together .. but for some reason lately it's been bothering me that he does it alone (although honestly for some reason he barely ever 'pleasures himself' while looking at porn .. he just looks stuff up from time to time and finds stuff for us to do online sometimes and other times just looks it up b/c he's bored) .. but lately I've started to look at the girls on there more and wish that I could have a "better body like them" to which my BF says, "Hey .. just b/c they're "thin" doesn't mean they've got a better body" ... in a way I wish I could be more confident ... be one of those "BBW" or "slightly BBW" lol women out there who are extremely confident about themselves and love their "big booty" ... but unfortunately I'm not ... soooooooo ... here I am again lol, on the 'train' back to trying to lose weight and hopefully gain a better outlook about myself and try to not worry so much about my "body" and worry more about my health ... its hard for us to have a regular diet seeing as how our schedules (work/sleep) are kinda screwy ... like today (from 10:15 am thurs morning until 1:30 am tonight ...) I've eaten a tuna sandwich (not necessarily the healthiest, but I did use less mayo this time!! lol) on white, about 1/2 cup 1% low-fat cottage cheese, and a banana ... and I've had about 2.5 glasses of 2% milk today ... I'm not hungry often, or if I am, I tend to snack more ... and not on "healthy" stuff ... on chips, or ice cream, or something like that .. I've got a few more 'healthy' things I can snack on for now, but I still don't eat much, and definately not a balanced diet...I'm trying to find a new job (evenings) that'll match up with my BF's more so that we're able to cook more often, and hopefully eat healthier, but I also have to work on exercising ... something else I'm not very motivated to do .. lol

Sooo .. anyways ... I guess right now I'm just looking for some support from those of you that have gotten back into WW, or pretty much anyone who's here and has any advice to offer in general lol .. I wish you all the best with your weight loss and look forward to getting to know you!