[JessIsOK]

Did that get your attention? Mastication is chewing, which I've been doing a lot of lately, with all the eating I've been doing.

[JessIsOK]

I haven't been around much because I've been struggling. Really, really, really bad. We're talking I'm struggling so bad that I don't really care what I eat, what effects it's having on my health, or what I weigh. I don't have a spare minute to work out, I don't want to think about food planning, I'm feeling sorry for myself a lot, and I'm seriously thinking of seeking counseling.

I thought long and hard about my life this weekend and tried to figure out what's causing me to feel this way. It's like this--just about the only thing I have control over in my life is what I eat. I don't have control of my time--every single minute of every day seems to be spoken for. I'm tired of doing all these things I don't want to do--going to work, going to my second job, going home and going to bed, then starting it all over again the next day. Even on the days that I don't work at Subway, I've got something else scheduled that I can't get done on work nights. I don't want to do anything when I do have a few minutes to myself besides lay around. Basically, I get so tired of doing things I don't really want to do that I'll eat whatever I want because I'm so fed up that I don't want to think about discipline when it's mealtime. I really am thinking of seeking counseling, but don't know how to go about it.

I'm sorry to whine, but it's sort of a cry for help. I need some support and I need to hear that this isn't abnormal. I need help, ladies or I'm going to end up heavier than where I started the first time (over three years ago). If you can't help, maybe you can tell me where to go about finding help.

Wow, just getting that off of my chest made me feel a little better. And, because I hate to whine, much less fill a post full of whining, I'm going to try to lighten it up a little bit. (Honestly, I'm a silly, joking-around, giggling type of person usually).

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was kind of eventful! We got some pretty serious storms here in Nebraska on Saturday. Aaron and I had just arrived home with some dinner when the tornado siren started going off. I grabbed Petunia (the guinea pig) and we took off for my parents' basement. (Obviously, I don't have one in my second-story apartment). We got there, got all arranged in the basement and waited it out. Luckily, no tornadoes touched down, but we did get some major hail. My poor car is pretty dinged up. It continued to storm pretty much all night, some streets were flooded, but there was no more tornado dangers. Tonight is supposed to be 10 times worse than Saturday. I'll be working at Subway--it's almost entirely glass. I'm not sure what the proper tornado procedure there is.

So, that's what's happening here. Can't wait to read some posts today!

[KO]

Hi Guys just a quick note to say I'm not dead just no cable access and trying to find a job and last minute wedding stuff
ITs 41 days away!!! I miss you guys so much! i'll try to sneak on during the day
Love
Kierie

[loritl]

Jess, first of all, if you're masticating, let me be the first to say that is waaaaay tooooo muchhhhh informationnnnnnnnnnnn. what you do on the internet is your own business!
JUST kidding.
i am new here, i obviously can't speak for everyone, but hearing your 'inner torment' if you will, is encouraging and a welcome read. not that i'm here relishing in your despair, i'm just saying, EVERYONE falls off the wagon and gets mad at themselves, and its a relief to hear someone be honest about it. the up side is, if you're falling off - it means you were on at one time - so you know you can get back there if you try. did i just go 'dr phil' on you? sorry.

i don tknow if this will help, but something i do...is keep my notebook on the tv table...when i have 5 min to watch tv, i plan my food week. if the notebook is right there, i can't NOT do it....mon-friday is crazy and insane for me, and if i dont calculate my food moves, or have some ideas already planted in my brain, i'll reach for the wrong thing and fall off the wagon. so even before bed when im reading a magazine seeing those girls sometimes gets me motivated, too...i take my little notebook and think, 'what can i grab for breakfast tomorrow?' or i'll pack my lunch. but in a perfect world with white picket fences and pretty housewives with clean aprons we'd all pack our lunches before bed. its not realistic all the time...usually what i do, is if i have a half hour to hit the grocery store, i can get a combo of enough WW frozen meals and tuna and whatever that i have enough to grab a decent lunch in a rush...

i don tknow if that helps...as i re read it it just sounds like a lecture to me, and information you already know. i'm sorry, thats not how i mean for it to come across. don't get down on yourself, because if diets were easy, there'd be no point. give yourself credit, its great that you're being honest with yourself and you're not lying to yourself. THEN you'd be in trouble. you know you gotta be READY to commit to dieting or you won't do it.

maybe give yourself a week to enjoy whatever you want. that could be bad advice, but after a week of being full and eating crap you'll be ACHING to diet, cuz you'll feel gross. usually after i go ballistic eating mexican food and chips and ice cream, i'm like oooooookkkkk now i WANT to get this crap out of my system.

ok...i should be doing work...*smacks forehead* this forum is addicting...