I have a friend who I have known and been friends with for 20 years. We have been best friends in the past, but have drifted apart, and have become kinda birthday and babies kind of friends.
She heard about my surgery (she didn't know it didn't happen) and was kind enough to call and check on my well-being. Once she realized that I was just fine, we got on to other topics. Mainly her lose of 42 lbs and her size 20 jeans that she just bought. She has been on WW since March 1st.
Now to give you some history. When we were young, she was the heavy one, I was the thin one. As I got bigger, so did she, so she was always bigger than me. Many years ago she quit drinking regular pop and dropped like 40 lbs. That made us kind even. Then as years went on, she stayed the same and I got bigger. This reversed the tables. Now I was bigger. The fact that I was bigger than her never set well with me at all. It was like man, I can't be bigger than her.
Her phone call last night killed me. Down 42 lbs...size 20. I am still a 30/32. That just can't be. Every word out of her mouth was a dagger. Me: "That's just great that you have stuck with it for 6 months" Her:"Well, it's really not like sticking with something, I still get to eat all my favorite foods".
A good freind would be happy for her (Like I am for all of you every day). But instead the jealousy is more than I can handle. I couldn't wait to get off the phone with her and have complained to everyone who knows the realtionship. "Just Great! Now she is even thinnner than me!!" My e-mail titled to my mom was "Just shoot me now".
Why am I being this way? I think maybe I just want to be the one. Why can't I just be happy for her??
I have had a bad week and I think that didn't help. Even though I have been losing weight recently, I didn't this week (Don't think).
Hey now! Don't be so hard on yourself - like you said, you've had a very difficult and stressful week and then let's face it, you're human (and that's a good thing!) None of this means you're a bad friend, it just means you're exhibiting normal human behavior towards someone you've always felt competitive with. I'm sure you'd never wish her ill will, it's just her present success has made you rethink yours. You HAVE been losing weight and once this nasty gallbladder thing is over and done with you'll be back to it with a vengence. Who knows, if your friend losing weight annoys you that much it might be great motivation to catch up with her! Again, you're not a bad friend, you're just a friend who's a wee bit frustrated at the moment.
a bad friend???? no way!!!! not at all!!!! someone who's upset with herself over her own struggles???? oh yes.... absolutely!!!!
and by the way, if she said it was easy???? she lied!!!! we all know that this isn't easy!!! no matter what we do. and besides, she still has to maintain the loss!!!
Maybe you can think of this as a personal challenge. The last time I lost alot of weight (100 lbs about 6-7 years ago, before I gained it back) Anna Nicole was still a hot mama and my mom and I were looking at magazines. I said, "If I lost weight I would look like that". Everyone in the room laughed and said, "No way" well I proved them wrong.
You also are just human we get jealous. Feck I am jealous of mothergooses weight loss here. And I also think evil thoughts as well. Last night at the comedy club I saw at least 2 dozen women who were way fatter than me (smug thought) and alot who were probably about the same but couldn't pull it off as well because they are all soft from not working out (again smug). Then this size 2 (probably 20 yr old with nice breasts and abs walks in) oh crap dang I am fat.
Oh Sandi I'm sure we've all felt that way at one time or another. Like everyone else said, we are all human. Maybe you can use this to motivate you even more rather than just feeling quilty about it. And we all know what feeling guilty leads to... just more eating. What a vicious cycle our emotions get us into! Stay strong and determined Sandi, you are NOT a bad friend.
Welcome to the Envy/Jealousy/ And Evil Club of Thoughts (EJECT). Are you kidding? Sometimes I don't know if I have a non-jealous bone in my body! There are some far worse thing you could have said to your friend like:
Well, I guess it's about time you were the skinney one.
Well, your body will go back to fat mode soon enough.
You may be skinney but you could use a face lift.
How about coming over and we can bond over some ice cream?
I mean, sweetie, you were nice to her! You get points for just that!
Now, collect yourself and make friends with her again. Maybe she can be a diet buddy that close to home or maybe she could teach you something you didn't know. Or maybe she'll just be jealous of your fabulous family and your great handle on life.
HUGS!!! I know just how you feel, and my jealousy is worse-it's of my own sister! She started about sixty or seventy pounds heavier than me, but has lost more weight in four months than I have in nine months! I feel terrible for being jealous, but we're all human. I do really hope she is able to keep it off this time-she has lost over a 100 lbs twice and gained it back plus more both times. I feel her pain, and hope I have the strength to keep my weight off too! She isn't working right now, and has much more time to exercise and plan healthy meals than I do. (okay, excuses, and she's not cheating like I am, either!)
I totally agree with everyone. It is only human to feel jealousy. I've been jealous of lots of people here because they are losing weight and I"m not. that's life. At least you remained friendly to her, could have been worse!
No, you're not a bad friend you're just human. Everyone has felt that way at some point or another. I do agree with what some of the others have said though...it could motivate you to do even more.
Bad friend is not defined as someone who gets jealous of another friend.....
Bad friend is someone who talks down to you or belittles you. Someone who discourages you. Bad friend is someone who gossips about you.
Bad friend is someone who gets a boyfriend and then drops you like yesterday's trash.... (Little pent up anger there...)
Being a little jealous doesn't make you a bad friend. If that were so, EVERY HUMAN BEING ON EARTH WOULD BE A BAD FRIEND!
i wouldn't call it jealousy i'd say it was more your competitive side coming out. and there is nothing wrong with being competitive with each other as long as no one gets hurt
Don't think you're a bad friend... I just got insulted by a friend who is also family tonight. Well, I feel insulted at least.
My cousin has been complaining that she's been gaining weight because none of her pants fit well anymore, and she thinks her face is getting fatter. Now she's jealous because I've been pushing myself to go to the gym and exercise, and I'm getting closer and closer to the 20 lb mark.
To make her feel better about her not losing weight fast (although she's not really trying)... I told her that I had a lot more to lose... and she told me "That's true. I read that if you are really overweight sometimes it goes really fast at first." Can you talk about "OUCH!" (Even though it's true.. She just didn't even stop to think about my feelings.)
However this only gives me more motivation to lose the weight while she's not doing anything about herself gaining. (Yes, evil, evil me.)
But anyway... at least you didn't say something horrible like that to your friend.. just use what she had to say as motivation.
Last edited by BrwnEyedGurl; 10-22-2003 at 11:43 PM.
I am just a bad friend
I'm sure we've all felt that way at one time or another. Like everyone else said, we are all human. Maybe you can use this to motivate you even more rather than just feeling quilty about it. And we all know what feeling guilty leads to... just more eating. What a vicious cycle our emotions get us into!
Stay strong and determined Sandi, you are NOT a bad friend.
