[caldawg89]

Hi everyone,

It has been ages since I last posted, because I have been really busy.. Unfortunately, things have not been going well. I am only half on the wagon; I am still finding time for the gym, yet my diet has not been as good as it could be. I don't find myself enjoying the gym much.. All the women have become really rude and constantly gossip about others.. Everything is a competition and they cannot celebrate the victories of others, instead cutting them down and talking about them behind their back. I started my journey for myself, not to compete, and it is driving me crazy.

I am struggling with stress. Work is hectic and my weightloss has plateaued. So frustrating. I have seen a doctor and she told me that the amount of stress I am under is contributing to my stalled weightloss. Which naturally, increases the pressure.

Finally, I have to undertake some training soon, which is my only shot at having my contract made permanent. It is for 2 weeks, in a large city many hours from home, and this little country gal is feeling so stressed! I have worked my whole life for this and I am so scared I will choke at this last hurdle and sell myself short because I lost my nerve..

I guess I am just looking for some support. I have been ridiculously sick lately, and have spent a bit of time out of the gym. I am feeling down and I am doubting myself, and I just need to refocus and finish what I started, but I am feeling so overwhelmed I don't know where to start.

Help! Please.

[futurehealthyme]

Hi there caldawg89!
I am sorry you are are going through a difficult time right now.
Let's look at positives:
Positives
Gym
You are still going to the gym. YAY!
Can you avoid interacting with the all those women who do nothing but bring such negative energy to the environment?
Can you ignore them and follow a personal routine while there?
Will they talk behind your back? So what……..Some people really suck and there is nothing you can do except avoid them, pretend they don't exist. You don't need them!
Another thing……..could you find a gym buddy who is a decent person and has a similar health and fitness journey to yours?
This is not Gym version of Beverly Hills 90210. Let those superficial women live in their stupid world.
Job
Yes, you can do it!
Go to the training and ROCK IT!
Let them see how dedicated you are. You want this: MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!
As for the trip to the big city: look at it as an adventure. Yes, it's scary but it can be fun and memorable. Go see new places do things you can't in your town (museums, gardens, theater, whatever you are into).
Research the city ahead of time: find places to eat where you can stay on track but still have fun or plan on hitting the farmers' market or grocery stores and cook for yourself (if you have access to a kitchen)
You could have 2 weeks of work and fun, all into packed together.
Food Intake
Maybe journaling would help.
I know theory is so much easier than practice. I myself have struggled on and off the wagon for years. I have recently (1 month) found a determination I haven't had before. I visualize myself healthier, feeling and looking better. I am working on it.
Plateaus
They are so frustrating!
Switch your exercise routine a little, alternate between high intensity and lower intensity days. Trick the body out of a learned routine. Also, think about it this way: yep, you are not losing weight right now but your workout regimen helps the body get healthier, your heart works better, your lungs function better, your joints are also benefitting, etc. So, you are helping your body on the inside function better and increase stamina even if the scale is not moving right now.
Rewards
How about you come up with a plan where you reward (NOT food related) yourself for making the good choices you want.
Example: I ate on plan (whatever your plan is) for 2 weeks (no cheating) so I am having a mani, or pedi, or getting a new book, a piece of fashion jewelry, whatever is that you like and want. Increase that for longer time frames and increase the rewards: new shoes, season tickets to theater, etc.

As for sickness and stress: maybe some breathing type of strategies would help, music, yoga type of movements, meditating, dancing and being silly, bubble baths and a good book, etc. Just thinking of some ideas that might help lower stress.
Also, daily vitamins might help increase your immune system and lower sickness incidents.

I wish you the very best and hang in there!
Think how the new training will help you move forward and how happy you will be in the future that you did it!

Keep at it and don't give up!

Best wishes!

[caldawg89]

Thanks for your reply futurehealthtyme. I really needed to look at the positives! The ladies at the gym are really awful.. I have a gym buddy, I go with my mother. Her self esteem is really poor, and she is of the same health and fitness as me. She is struggling with the women too. There is currently a competition going at the gym, and my mother and I did not enter it because we felt it was beyond our fitness level. The last time I tried to do something that was beyond my capabilities (after being pushed into it at another gym) I tore my back so badly I was out of the gym for almost 12 months and it still gives me trouble. Our refusal to participate in this month long challenge has made us the target of some really snarky comments that are borderline harassment. Other women who have not participated in the challenge are also being targeted. I went in a 12 week challenge and won it at our gym. I lost 56cm and 14kg in 12 weeks, and instead of being happy for me, most of the women were really rude. We just ignore them, not responding to their comments, and it often means we work out in silence, unless mum and I talk to each other.

The trip away is really stressing me out. I haven't driven in a big city and I am a bit scared! I know I am just going to have to man up and do it, because I want this so bad, and I want to prove all the other people at work who have doubted me to eat their words! I am pretty good at hiding my feelings of doubt and fear, so I am just going to pretend everything is fine and just get on with it!

I seen my doctor last week and she wants me to see a councellor for my stress and anxiety, and I am seriously considering it. I just feel like a bit of a headcase.

As for the plateaus, I will keep pushing through it, but I am hoping the scales start to move again. I am having some non scale victories though. Last week, I upped my personal best of 30 push ups in a minute to 40. I was really proud of myself! I can feel myself getting stronger and I am really working on my core and upper body strength. I hope it starts to pay off soon!

For the rewards, that is a tough one. Rewarding myself with food is probably my worst ingrained habit that I have developed. I have been trying to avoid it, unless it is healthier takeaway, like a salad wrap or something, but I still feel it is counter productive. Old habits die hard! You have given me some excellent non food reward ideas. I would rate my diet as an 8/10. I just need to tighten up my portion control and cut out the last bits of rubbish and be consistent. Constantly a work in progress!

Thanks again so much for your reply. Sometimes I get so stuck inside my own head that I need advice from an objective outsider, and that is exactly what you have given me, so thankyou!

[SeeMyFeet]

caldawg !

Can you arrive earlier for the trip out of town? Even if it means paying for an extra night yourself, it would probably ease your stress to get set up at the hotel, make sure you have all you need for the week, and practice any routes you need to drive. When I travel for work, I always allow extra time for shopping...it's the only time I get to shop for myself.

As for the gym...What in tarnation??? Do you KNOW these people? In most of the gyms I've visited, it's all business, and there's little socializing. I would suggest earbuds and a different schedule, but you have your mum. (aaaw! That's so nice!) You two should paint on a big smile, laugh a lot, and loudly compliment other people in the gym. Set a new tone. Let the other targets of the gossip know what time you're usually there, and you guys just take over and let goodness prevail!

[Vortex]

caldawg, if you haven't already, I'd suggest you use Google Earth Street View to "walk" around the area where you'll be staying. You can check out what's in the area--is there a grocery near your hotel? Or a promising looking restaurant? Where might you walk in your off time? I do this routinely now when I have city trips, and it makes things so much easier. At conferences, I'm always giving other people directions. It really sets me at ease in a new environment.

Hang in there! You're still here, still seeking support, so you're still committed.

[caldawg89]

Thanks girls. Mum and I joined the gym to make new friends and get fit. We are getting fitter, but the social side of things sucks. They are so mean about others! Mum and I don't want any trouble, we don't want to draw attention to ourselves so we talk quietly amongst ourselves, and we workout in almost silence, while the gym owner, her mother and all the other ladies gossip and say nasty things about others. Mum hates confrontation which is why she avoids drawing attention to herself and she is a bit scared they will target her. Her self esteem was so bad, I had to work on her for months and months to even get her to the gym, and now she is seeing this nasty stuff. I do not fear confrontation; I wont start it, but I will finish it if these nasty middle aged women with nothing better to do with their time than to spend it tearing other women down, are silly enough to openly target my mum or myself. I feel like it is inevitable, as I do not suffer fools lightly and I have no time for mean girls who have been out of high school longer than I have been alive. As for the travel for my conference, I am going up the day before so I feel better knowing I will have a little time to adjust. My partner is also coming up on my 1st day, as a surprise, except I accidently found out, which will definitely be something to look forward to. I am just losing all motivation for everything. I am still eating ok, I wont be at the gym this week because I am sick AGAIN but I am trying to keep positive and motivated. Thanks again for your responses.

[Karencat]

If you haven't been for your training - hope it all goes well - if you have I hope you really enjoyed it

have you been working on the non food rewards - other ideas... a magazine .. a movie ticket.. a bath bomb/bubble bath if you have a tub that is
massage ... a small trip to somewhere you would like to visit - other people in your place - get them to do the dishes if you normally cook and do dishes

this is the weird one - a picnic where you take food that all fits into your plan - the food isn't the reward the location is!

[caldawg89]

Thanks heaps for the suggestions everyone my training went really well, round 2 starts in a couple of months, but I really enjoyed the last one! Work is still contributing a lot to my stress. I am so worried about next year, no one can give me any answers, and I am not the type to just let things roll on and be as they may. I suffer from significant anxiety at times, and my only real strategy that works at alleviating it when I cant run away from it at the gym, is to reassure myself that I have a plan, and that everything will be fine because I know what my next steps will be if the worst should happen. I do not have the luxury for this situation, I have no idea where I will be or what I will be doing next year, I keep applying for jobs that are more permanent and I keep being rejected. Everything happens for a reason, but I am struggling with the interim.

[Karencat]

Glad to see that your training went well
hope things are a bit calmer for you now
keep trying the job that is more permanent that is meant to be yours is there somewhere you will find it when your meant to