Yup. That got said to my face tonight. I'm visiting family and we had a birthday party tonight. Party's over and the whole family's cleaning up. Step mom recounts the story of one of the little boys who she says snuck a chip when his parents weren't looking after declining food. She said she told him that it's okay to eat he's so skinny he doesn't have to worry about getting fat. Than she goes on to say the reason he might be worried about getting fat is because his sister is so fat...it's getting really noticeable and bad... she's like as big as you are *my name* maybe even a little bigger. Then my dad pipes in "Oh she's definitely bigger than you are."
I am less than five pounds over weight for my height right now. I thought this kind of **** was suppose to stop at this point. I've lost almost 90 pounds in the last year and a half. She hasn't acknowledged that once. My dad has. He started commenting on my food and asking what I did and all that as soon as I got here. I shut that down very quickly and let him know that his comments on my body and my food weren't welcome. The reason was because when I was much much heavier than this he was a complete *** about it. It wasn't supportive. It was mean. I don't allow the people who tore me down to celebrate with me.
Had you never been even a pound overweight you can bet your step mother would have found some other way to dig at you, because that sounds like the kind of person that she is.
You can either totally ignore it, and never let on that you even care about her comments (which drives them mad but does take alot of zen willpower) or, you can do as Wannabeskinny suggests and confront her politely (though, I'd bet you will never get your step mom to admit to her hurtful ways or apologize sincerely).
Or you can go totally on the offense:
"Well, there's nothing wrong with fat, as I always say. You can fix fat -- but you can't fix stupid: so as long as that sister doesn't have a low IQ, like you step mom, her life should turn out A-OK, ha ha ha." Just watch how well THAT goes over.
It is likely that your deep hurt comes from multiple, similar experiences. Being a sensitive person myself, I have often been (too) hurt and wounded by d*s and a*s--the fact that I can mentally refer to them in such terms is in itself a victory. Mind you, everyone, at some point, will be a DB or AH toward someone else--I'm talking about the chronic offenders or those who have illogically made it their mission to try to make your life difficult/miserable/uncomfortable.
It has helped me to first define these people for what they are (in their relationship with me) and not hope/expect change.
Second, whenever I get a left-handed compliment from such people, I do a victory dance. (Haha! I win!) To help ease the pain, how about re-interpreting the events? Wow! Your dad and step-mom--who, according to your accounts, have a tendency toward being superficially judgmental and comparative--actually noticed that someone is larger than you! Victory for you! Alternatively, if the sister is a youngster and you are an adult, perhaps they were highlighting the sadness of her situation? If the 8year old sister had progeria and she looked older than 30year-old you, then that would be sad. Perhaps it was said in this vein? (to help you understand the sadness of the sister's situation?)
Third, I work to achieve RATDGAS (Really And Truly). Here is a blog that explains what I mean and might help with DGingAS:
In sum:
--At some point, everyone is a DB or AH, intentionally or unintentionally.
--Don't be a DB or AH, but forgive yourself and others for slips.
--Apathy is under-rated. You really can't care about everything, and you shouldn't let people live rent-free in your brain--it has a higher purpose.
--Focus on the important things--the rest: RATDGAS
--Meditation helps.
Congratulations on your weight loss!! I am highly impressed (and jealous)!!
Boy, with family like that, who needs enemies? It's a shame that some families have to be like that. Sounds a lot like my bunch of "family", so I kind of know how you feel. I'm sorry, that hurts!
Yep. It gets worse as you lose more. The truth of the matter is a lot of people that were scared of calling you fat when you were fat think that you're suddenly cool with having been fat now you are skinny.
So I get fat jokes (pointed at other people) made in front of me all the time now. And lots of "you used to be fat as sh!t bro!" or variants thereof. It is really scarey how badly people used to view me when I was heavy, based on what they say freely in front of me now. And very sad.
Thankfully back then, I just did not know how negatively I was viewed simply for being overweight.
But then, I *really could* throw a left hook at 281lbs so it was probably for the best.
I'm so sorry you have such a horrible family, Olly. You are better than their shallow personalities and their shallow outlook on what's really important in life.
Have you considered for your own self-confidence to avoid them altogether at some point?
What's really frustrating is that I don't dislike her. I actually like her a lot. There are a lot of qualities about her that I love and appreciate. That said the comments are daily. It's not all the time and sometimes she does build me up and take the time to notice good things and point them out, but something snide will be said.
Everyone keeps telling her how skinny she is and how she needs to stop losing weight and all that at the party because she was bragging about her diet that she's not even following any more. I know she was lapping it up at the party. I'm okay with that. I would hate it because attention called to my body is unwelcome negative or positive, but that's my issue and I don't think there's anything wrong with liking being complemented. I think it gave her a bit of a fat head though and resulted in that comment.
I know there's an issue there. She's constantly calling attention to other people's bodies. She dances and she's always talking about how fat the other girls are and how they shouldn't get special costumes just because they need more fabric and that sort of thing. My dad is no better. He's a bad people watcher and makes comments whenever someone comes on tv or when we're driving he'll criticize bigger girls jogging or walking or just minding their own business. He has a fair bit of fluff himself and I try not to say anything but it enrages me.
I'm not going to say anything because that's just scratching the surface. If we clear the air on this it just unearths more and more things and honestly we'd need some serious family counseling to get into it all. I'm at a point where I can let things go. My feelings do get hurt, but I don't have to stew on it and I don't have to get angry or get even. Knocking her down a peg isn't going to make me feel any better and she's not going to change.
I'm glad that it's not a a terrible problem between the two of you, but in my opinion I would still say something. Take a stance.
In general, fat shaming is an acceptable form of discrimination in our society. I feel very strongly that I play a role in stopping this when I witness it. I'm comfortable enough with my parents that I've been able to bring it up if I hear them arbitrarily fat shaming. It might be a generational thing that our parents feel free to comment on people's bodies and I don't think my parents mean any intentional harm when they talk about someone's weight or appearance but I take the liberty to counter what they say.
If my father says that someone has gained a lot of weight I jump in and say "maybe she's going through something or has a medical condition, you can't judge." Or if my mother makes a negative comment on someone's look I counter it by saying "I think she looks fantastic" and find other ways to compliment people. I've talked to my Mom at length about how negative she can be towards women and that it's not an attractive quality in her to put people down based on their looks. She gets it, she tries to change and she can see my point. Why bash other women?
We all decide where we make our stands, and that line in the sand may be different for each of us.
Olly, I respect your desire to just let it all roll off you. I hope that over time your feelings get less and less hurt though, as you realize those comments are not about you, really, they are about them.
And I really respect what you're doing, Wannabeskinny. I bet it can be frustrating and tiresome, but this is how cultural attitudes change. Well done YOU.
I'm sorry you had to deal with insensitive people.
My mother-in-law is never happy with my weight, I'm either too fat or too thin no matter what the scale says. And she's not thin herself.
One of my neighbors didn't recognize me to be "me" walking down the street after losing 100lbs. He always said hi to me and was pleasant in my newer "skinny" body. Then one day he saw me with my husband and his eyes almost fell out of his head and said "WOW, that's YOU??!!" and I replied "Yes, I lost a few pounds." He then adds "Not just a few, a $hitload! I mean, you were HUGE!". It took all I had to hold back my tears. Yes I was huge, I'm big again now. But I still have a heart and feelings regardless of my weight.
People can say things not meaning to be hurtful but it comes out that way... This sounds like it was a dig tho. Sorry you had to deal with that. :-(
Years ago, one of my mom's high school friends came into town and saw my mom's parents. She had gained a lot of weight. Had to have been over 400 lbs. My grandfather saw her and says "Oh my gosh [name]! There's two of you now!" We all kind of died inside hearing this. It was so awful and awkward. My grandpa had no idea that this would be considered rude! Even thinking about it now, it's awful...
"She's so fat she's like as big as you!"
because you are feeling hurt. 
