Thanks for all the welcomes! Good to know I'm not alone in this... it feels SO horrible... like, when I first lost the 60 pounds I felt incredible, and if you had told me that I'd put it back on within 5 years or so I would never have believed it... how could I let it go so far?
Well to tell the truth I know exactly how I let it go so far... I had already gained about 25 pounds and then had a really bad breakup and that fueled the weight gain... in fact my gaining weight was part of the reason he broke up with me (very screwed up guy, I'm glad to be rid of him after 5 years of that)... anyway, I kept gaining afterwards because I was miserable anyway, and it just got out of control.
Now I'm with someone new-- who loves me as I am now, and is happy that I'm happy about getting back on a diet, but doesn't just love me for my body-- and I feel like everything is coming together for me
As for motivation for those trying to get back on track... I really had to hit the point where my weight was making me TOTALLY MISERABLE, every day, no matter where I was or what I was doing, if I caught a glimpse of myself I got very sad. I decided I can't live with that misery for another minute longer than I have to, so the sooner I stop the eating madness the sooner I'll get back to where I want to be. It took a lot of reflection and tantrum-throwing, but I finally got with it