[SineX]

You see, I'm new here. I saw the post of some successful and beautiful woman and how they overcame their addiction to food. My issue is that I yearn to be one of those people who overcame what seemed to be the impossible. But I have finally come to the decision that it doesn't seem possible right now. I'm 22 years old and I weigh 328 pounds. I'm borderline diabetic and every move I make sounds and looks awful. It's gotten to the point where my knees are steadily becoming useless and sounds like splitting wood when I move. Trying to lose weight, a fleshy ball has appeared on the back of my heel due to all the weight I life myself up with. Its hurts so bad when I walk. The thing is that I know all this. I'm fully aware whats happening to me and I know that I'm going to get full blown diabetes if I continue to walk this blank. But when I try to diet and cut bad foods out, my mind goes haywire. I feel like I'm on crack. It eats away at me and I start ripping my skin and nails apart. I also cry unexpectedly and get ferociously angry to the point where I lose my mind. This isn't a joke. I need help. This has gone way too far. To cry over not getting food is just so...It just makes me feel weak. I know this is a long post but I had to get it all out. Please someone help me figure this out. A shrink, I know. been there tried that. All they do is turn the question around so you could figure it out yourself. I'm tired. I'm just so tired. ,

[mimsyborogoves]

First of all, you need to understand that no matter how much you weigh or need to lose, it's plenty easy to say "I want to be healthy and lose weight", but it's never that easy to actually start making the steps towards that goal. But it's not impossible! Start with baby steps, like for me, the baby steps were instead of getting dessert at every meal, only get it once a day, and eventually it turned into once a week, and now I only have dessert if there's something in front of me that I absolutely cannot live without.

You don't have to immediately go hardcore on a 1500 calorie (or less) diet and slave away at the gym for hours. You have to build up to that. Start by cutting back one thing at a time. That way, you're still making progress towards healthy goals, but you're not depriving/punishing/torturing yourself either.

This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. It's corny, but it's the motto everyone around here seems to live by. It's not going to happen over night, but don't get discouraged. Just keep trying, and one day it will stick and you'll feel better than you ever have before.

Stick with us, we have faith in you!

[SineX]

Thanks for the input, I appreciate it. Ojay...baby steps. baby steps. Baby steps...Also how can I get that wait tracker in your sig?

[MiZTaCCen]

You have to be here for about 20 days or a month before you can put a tracker up in your signature.

[SineX]

I see, thank you very much. Vive Jupiter!

[astrophe]

Let's take it down to basics, ok? Bear with me even if you know this/do this already. I'm just trying to get a sense of where you are at.

Are you on meds for the prediabetes? IR can cause a lot of up and down with blood sugar and that can make a person feel terrible. Do you understand hypoglycemia symtoms? What about hyperglycemia?

Don't worry about diet to LOSE right now. Do you understand how to improve your diet to NOT have blood sugar crazy going on? Pair proteins and starches? Get enough produce?

Do you know how much you eat now? When you cut it back to diet do you know how much a cut that is? Is it a realistic cut or setting you up for crazy?

What sort of access do you have to fitness? Got a DVD player? What about something gentle like Kim Lyons? It's a special made for diabetics but it's a good all around beginner set for anyone any age any level. Somewhere in those 3 dvds you will find your beginner level.

How's your sleep? Tiredness from blood sugar roller coaster plus poor sleep = T I R E D !

How's your support system? You have enough family and friends? Are you a part of real life community? Cuz online peeps here can help, but it doesn't sub for real people time.

Where are your strengths? Good cook? Good living room space for workouts? Where are your positives?

Take a deep breath. It will be ok. You don't have to move a mountain all in one go here. Just take it one little bit at a time. This is just the "IDENTIFY MY AREAS" time. Simple ID. Don't have to DO anything about anything just yet. Just getting the lay of the land. That's enough for today, this week even!

You can post anywere in the forums but here's the Dieting with Obstacles main and then the Diabetes and PCOS/IR people. (IR = insulin resistant = prediabetes)

I'm one of them... I know where you speak from too well. Before my dx I felt crazy! But you are NOT alone.

Pick a simple thing you can do for yourself today. Maybe just take a multivtamin. Go wash your face so it feels fresh. Go outside and breathe and take in some sun. Something easy to do, that you can do TODAY. Right NOW. And give yourself a pat on the back for doing it!

No, it's not the whole shebang. But it is an act of self- care, and self-value, and self -nurture. ONE baby step you did for youself today and COMPLETED. Yay! (The ID stuff can take a bit more than one day. Pat yourself for STARTING that though today! )

I kid you not, to get to the end it takes many steps. But who cares if they are tiny baby size? Baby steps still get ya on over there! Take heart, move forward. It isn't a RACE. There's nobody competing with you. You are just learning how to care for yourself better.

And remember not to feed the bad dog while in the process!

Hang in there!

A.

[tricon7]

I agree that you should take baby steps - small increments that ultimately reduce what you eat. Perhaps you could start by not changing your diet at all, but restrict your eating only to specific times of day to discourage continual grazing in the kitchen. But it's up to you as to what little steps to take if you go that route.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Lao Tzu

[Horo]

I agree wholeheartedly with mimsyborogoves' post. For some of us, going all-in from day one is best, but for others continually making small changes and sticking with them is key. If you can take it day by day, each day asking yourself what change you can make in your usual routine, no matter how small, that will move you toward your goal.. this is progress.

By the way,
You certainly came to the right place- tons of wonderful support and motivation to be had here to help in overcoming all the demons involved in this journey.

[SineX]

@Astrophe:

I’m not on any meds. The doctor never said I needed any. Also I have no idea what hypoglycemia is. I never thought of pairing any foods together. I have a nutrionist but he and sometimes she doesn’t talk to me about stuff like that. I eat...well I lose control most of the time. The last good day I had was eating only 1500 or so calories. When i cut out stuff, I cut out sugar entirely but beacuse its my biggest weakeness, I crash a lot. Although I am heavy, I am somewhat strong and I’m very fexible for an obese person. So do yoga sometimes and I walk on treadmills and use the bikes and my school’s gym. My nutrionist says I should go to sleep at 10pm every night to have a full 8 hrs of sleep. Its been hectic seeing as mom always wants me to do something for her...So I dont always get to go to sleep on time. Also, I can’t cook. I’ve tried cooking merely veggies but the taste...oh the taste...I don’t see any positives so far except that I’m up for anything despite taste.

Your words are so full of hope thank you XD

[SineX]

Thanks guys. I'll admit I did try rushing this out since I feel diabetes is right around the corner. And each time failed. I feel that I've wasted too much time already so I tried hurrying up a bit. Baby steps TT~TT

[free1]

Baby steps is the key.....some people can sustain a major overhaul all at once. For others, it takes baby steps. I was somewhere in the middle. I had to phase some things in. If you can't do the big things, start with a little leap. Cut back on 1 soda a day or one afternoon snack. Increase your water intake. Walk for 5 minutes. Increase it each day as you get stronger.

The worse thing is feeling deprived. It makes you WANT to eat. Find a plan that doesn't require deprivation.

You can do this!

[lm3898]

I think you need more than the message boards for this - I really think you need medical help or at least a visit to start with - perhaps a nutritionist who can target what foods might be bigger "triggers" for you so you can know what better to avoid, and what to eat when you're having these moods...or also perhaps/with a medical doctor. I'm sorry, your post made me feel awful, nobody should have to feel the way that you are feeling. I honestly think, at least it the beginning, it would be VERY beneficial for you to work with a medical professional to set up a diet/food plan that you understand and might be better equipped to handle. Good luck.

[abbysue715]

I could have written your post myself a year ago. I know overeaters anonymous isn't for everyone but its saved my life. You should go check out oa.org and see if you like the stuff they say on their site.

[astrophe]

I SO disagree with you! I see lots of positives. Here's all the plus I see

You are posting here. So you are ready to at least think about changes. Even if you aren't ready to execute all changes.

You seem open to thinking out advice others share without a chip on your shoulder about it. So you have a good attitude.

You have been to a doc to check body health.

You have been to a shrink to check mental health.

You have been to a nutritionist to get a grip on the food front.

All signs of taking action and caring for self. WTG!

You have discovered that your support staff there is perhaps NOT telling you all you need to know about prediabetes and diabetes basics as a newly dx'd person. That you can fix by reading more online about your condition, seeking diabetes class, asking more questions of them like "Hey! Where are my labs!? Hey! Where's my diet sheet for my calorie level?! Hey! When's my followup? Do I need a meter? Chop chop!" and even dumping them and seeking better. It's not your fault if they aren't holding up their end of the job. You seem to be trying to hold up your end. Overwhelmed, but that's hardly unusual for newly dx'd people. You are trying here. That counts for something!

Check out "Insulin Resistance Diet" from the library. That's the best explanation of pairs I have found in a book. My own dietitian explained it tic tac toe style in pictures. If you need that way too I can elaborate later. I'd have to find it.

You know where you cut down to. 1500. You know this did not fly well. Ok, some mystery here still but you KNOW one clue. I'd suggest to just log food then with NO changes at all and see where you normally are at. Perhaps the drop to 1500 was too steep to take with blood sugar wiggies?

You know sugar is your biggest weakness. You know you crash a lot. More clues. Yay! (To me that sets a light bulb off -- do you know "sugar" is not always sweet TASTING stuff? Any -ose is a sugar. Lactose in dairy. Starchy grains and root veggies. So you may want to pay special attention to how much of that you get -- how often? What portion size? And to make sure to match up with a protein food to slow it down from hitting your blood sugar too hard.

"Sleepy" is sometimes called "carb coma" and if you crash in the afternoon you aren't gonna want to sleep at bedtime at night.

Although heavy, you are somewhat strong and very fexible for an obese person. Excellent! So you have clues about your fitness strengths too!

You have a school gym!? My... my.... lookee here. What other positive we found now?

My nutrionist says I should go to sleep at 10pm every night to have a full 8 hrs of sleep. Its been hectic seeing as mom always wants me to do something for her...

Ok, ID'd mom relationship as a possible work area. Can mom make out lists? Then you can tackle. No last minute stuff distracting you from health sleep need.

Also, I can’t cook. Ok, ID'd an area. To me so far this is the only actual downer because having this skill can make diet so much easier.

I’ve tried cooking merely veggies but the taste...oh the taste...I don’t see any positives so far except that I’m up for anything despite taste.

Up for anything despite taste, huh? That's sounds like an adventurous, gutsy gal to me.

One thing I see is ID another area -- work at finding the positives more. Because your list is slam full of them. And you aren't seeing 'em.

Soooo.... 3 negs that aren't THAT neg. (balancing mom stuff so you can sleep on time, cooking skill improvement, seeing positives more clearly.)

And what? 11 plus! You are wealthy over here at square 1! Hardly impoverished starting your health journey!

Keep on listing, chickie. What else is there to ID? Later you can categorize into piles and form the attack plan. You are doing great so far!

A.

[SineX]

@lm3898:

I do go to a nutritionist but he doesn't want to hear my excuses. He believes in hitting the problem fast and strategically. That leaves no time for me to explain to his dumbness that I'm going through far worse then he anticipated.